Biblical one-liners... too cool

by wonderer2003 6 Replies latest social humour

• 

  wonderer2003

  Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
  A. Ruthless
  
  Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
  A. German Shepherds.
  
  Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
  A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
  
  Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
  A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
  
  Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
  A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
  David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
  Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
  
  Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
  A. Samson. He brought the house down.
  
  Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
  A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
  
  Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
  A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
  
  Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
  A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
  
  Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
  A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
  
  Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
  A. Joshua, son of Nun.

  been gone for a while, HOPE EVERYONE IS WELL
• 

  SanFranciscoJim

  Q: Did you know God has a driver's license?

  A: Yes, he drove Adam & Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Tempest.

  Q: Can you name the men in the Bible who were constipated?

  A: Cain (wasn't Abel)

  Moses (came down off the mountain & took 2 tablets)

  King Solomon (sat on the throne for forty years)
• 

  RAYZORBLADE

  Q: What was the slipperiest day in Jerusalem?

  A: The day that Balaam rode through on his ass.

  GROAN....
• 

  onacruse

  LOLOL...I've no groaners to add here...just wish I'd had these when I was a reg pio...the days would've gone a lot quicker

  Craig
• 

  Joyzabel

  lol, ok I remember some groaners...

  Who is the most elastic man in the bible?

  Balaam, he tied his ass to a tree and walked a mile.

  Who is the smallest man in the bible?

  Peter, he slept on a watch.

  j2bf
• 

  Panda

  Oh these are terrific! The only one I'd heard before was the one about the apostles meeting in one accord. I heard that one at pioneer school, and I agree that these would've made pioneering easier.

  Panda
• 

  ESTEE

  Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"

  -

  Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"

  -

  Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"

  -

  Esther: "I Feel Pretty"

  -

  Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"

  -

  Moses: "The Wanderer"

  -

  Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"

  -

  Samson: "Hair"

  -

  Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"

  -

  Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

  -

  Joshua: "Good Vibrations"

  -

  Peter: "I'm Sorry"

  -

  Esau: "Born To Be Wild"

  -

  Jeremiah: "Take This Job and Shove It"

  -

  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego: "Great Balls of Fire!"

  -

  The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"

  -

  Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"

  -

  Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"

  -

  Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"

  -

  Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"

  ESTEE