Did you ever say/do anything as a dub that went against your conscience?

BLISSISIGNORANCE

Hi everyone.

I ask this question because now that I'm out of the borg and see things for what they are, I have been reflecting on what I did and said as a dub.

I truly believed in the preaching work when I was in. I believed in alot of the things from the bible. So for me, the preaching was something I enjoyed. I didn't have a problem using the bible either. If it was clear to me, I would discuss it and refer to the bible.

But all that changed as years went by and I started to understand things differently. There were many things I started to question about the borg, not so much the bible. The shunning, the df'ing, bringing up children the WTS way, the never ending meetings, the man-made rules and quotas about preaching etc., the hypocracy...........................................and the list goes on.

The crunch came for me though when my family experienced the sexual abuse of one of my children and a year later, my df'ing for talking about the matter, which led to false charges of slander!

After being reinstated things were never to be the same again for me, or my entire family. For some years after, I thought I was just a rare, one off, unlucky victim of corruption and evil elders. So I would push myself to go preaching, to meetings, brow-beat the children etc.

But once I started to investigate and saw what was going on in the borg, and the number of sexual and physical abuse victims being so high, I started to question my involvement and responsability to others.

And after the 'Sunday' show in Australia went to air I just could NOT go to anyone's door ever again and try to convince them that they should join the borg. My conscience wouldn't allow that now that I knew so much. How could I invite anyone to meetings or to start a study, knowing that the borg punishes a victim and protects the abuser? How would I live with the knowledge that I encouraged the person to join, aware of their policies, corruption and lies....................having experienced them first hand? And if then something happened to them or their family................oooooooohhhhhhhh.....................I feel ill thinking about it.

Also, what about my children seeing their mother put up with unjust, unscriptural, unloving, corrupt, abusive treatment. What message is that sending to them? I don't want them growing up and putting up with that because I brought them up teaching them it was ok to be a victim! Or doing it to others because in the borg you get away with it, being the abuser!

The worst thing I did that went against my conscience was to not celebrate birthdays. I do regret that, my children missed out and that makes me sad.....................................BUT, it's never to late to say 'sorry' and move on. We now have birthdays and my son and daughter will be having a combined dinner party at home next month.

Hope the above makes sense and I look forward to your responses.

Cheers, Bliss

sens

Ummm yer ....I smoked on the sly for awhile...

That was the most serious offence I guess ...at the time.

Also I guess looking back I never had much respect or time for the elders.

Yer after I seen the sunday show...I lost all respect for them...escp. the elders.

One Elder There That I showed the tape too, stood down because he was outraged, He was the only one I could say I kept any respect for.

3 Sens 4

Frannie Banannie

Yes, upon first learning the name of God, I almost

and going out in field service asking people if they wanted to live in paradise here on earth forever made me feel rather

And when they tried to convince me that there was no WAY anyone except the GB were anointed, which didn't coincide with scriptural evidence, I became privately

Soliciting donations for their WT birdcage liners, definitely made me

Frannie B

Noumenon

Like you blissisignorance I could never go door to door again with all this child molestation media scandal breaking out.

One thing that troubled my conscience was not being allowed to say at least a harmless 'hello' to disfellowshipped ones. That always felt wrong.

Gadget

I bought a CD (Tenacious D) but when I listened to it, the other people who where with me pressured me into taking it back to the shop because of all the stuff on it. It pricked my conscience that I wasn't being true to myself, that I was only doing things for the 'truth' because of other people. It wasn't a 'bible trained conscience' it went against, but it was my conscience nevertheless.

Vanant

Once I became old enough to realize what I was doing, I felt guilty about going out in field service, trying to convert people to a religion that I didn't fully understand or believe in. Of course, I was a child, so I didn't have a choice not to . . . but I still felt guilty going out door to door especially when I did "bad" things secretly, like read books that had spiritistic themes (fantasy novels about witches and fairies and mythological things).

Panda

I talked to df'd people and got used to it and never had lightening strike although I did become apostate... but was I already apostate for talking to disfellowshipped friends? BTW one got reinstated and NOW won't talk to me!