I speak as a "raised-in-the-JWs" adult, out for almost 20 years. I am writing this post in the earnes hope that someone emerging from the JW's can benefit from some small part of my experience (not because I think I know the only right way to leave...)
One of our big inhibitions against leaving is the fear of losing all of one's support network. This is frightening and rightly so - humans need support from others.
Many here seem to use the board as a primary support for dealing with the trauma of leaving. It's wonderful to have such a valuable resource available (and many thanks to those that provide it). I want to caution against using a board like this, or boards in general, as your only or near-only support for dealing with this huge change of life into a new person. This board can give people the strength and confidence to step forward and start to grow out of the WTS... and I fear for many of us it can't be quite enough.
Below are some actions that have been invaluable to me over the years - one hopes they can be valuable to some of you. Some of them took me years to start - I hope that some of you can benefit from them sooner than I did - let's find out.
- A good therapist (preferably one that does not serve only "cult" issues... just a regular therapist is fine, really.If you have other issues, such as abuse, seek out someone that specializes in that.) You are not working on becoming a former JW, you are working on becoming a functional adult out in the world - the real world. You may think you already are one... but you're probably not. Commit to this for a good while - Rome wasn't rebuilt in a day.
- Go listen to new ideas (notice our urge to judge the new ideas comes up reflexively. Let it go...). If you have a large bookstore in the area, go listen to authors talk about their work. Go to seminars (you have lots of free time now!) Take one or two classes, seminars, or the like. Watch how other people behave. If you answered a lot at meetings, do not answer a lot here - sit back and watch. If you didn't answer a lot at meetings, go for it here! I highly recommend taking a yoga class - JW's seem to be some of the most physically uptight people on the planet, so stretching is good (Yoga has become so mainstream that there are many classes out there now that are light on the "woo-woo"). Paying attention to your relaxation is very valuable, and exposing yourself to creativity is also very valuable - many of us have suppressed this creative spark for a long time.
- Let go. Avoid making a crusade against the WTS your new life. Mother Teresa never engaged in an antiwar protest because she didn't believe in action against things, only for things. So decide what you want to be for, and act towards it. Be the change you want to see in the world. If you want the world to be safer for children, work towards that. If you want more people to lead happy fulfiled lives, find ways to help people (including yourself) be happy and fulfilled. And on that note...
- Create a new relationship with money. Many of us have issues around money, and many of us get into a subsistence rut even after leaving the WTS. Read some books - Suz Orman's first book is excellent, and is the first book I've read to take into account how our childhood expereinces shape our feelings towards money. http://www.suzeorman.com/books_9steps.asp .
- Slowly form your plan, but keep forming your plan. So many of us staggered from meeting to meeting and from paycheck to paycheck that we never looked down the road - and no one told us to, of course. It will take some time to develop a plan for this stage in your life, if you don't have one...but one thing that was a big surprise for me was how I had been trainined to not set goals. So set lots of them, often, and build momentum - so you can experience how powerful you are (many of use were trained to feel as if we had no power, and gave it to the organization.) Write down your goals and plans, and share them with others, share them here! (we could certainly use the positive vibes!)
I hope some of this is valuable to someone... best wishes on all your journeys.
PS