Lawyer Joke

by talesin 1 Replies latest social humour

• 

  talesin

  A guy walks into a bar, obviously steaming around the collar.

  He takes a seat at the bar, and orders a whiskey and a beer. He shoots the whiskey, and chases it with the beer. When the last drop of beer is down, he slams his glass onto the counter and says,

  "All lawyers are a**holes!!!"

  After staring at his empty drinks, he orders two more. The Scotch barely reached the counter ... it was gone. The beer as well. Upon finishing the beer, the same thing occurs. Slam!

  "All lawyers are a**holes!!!"

  Once again, he orders another round. The same sequence occurs: Guzzle. Slam!

  "All lawyers are a**holes!!!"

  From a lowlit corner at the back of the bar, a man slowly saunters up behind the man drinking. Without warning, he punches the man with a 'haymaker' to the back of his head.

  The angry man at the bar, who is quite confused and dazed, tries to focus on this man towering over him, and says,

  "Oh, hey, man, I'm sorry. Are you a lawyer?"

  The man replies:

  "No, I'm an a**hole."

  tal
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  LOL, Tal! annnnd the flip side of dat coin is yet another lawyer joke:

  A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a
  client. He was told the
  loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory
  title to a parcel of property
  being offered as collateral. The title to the
  property dated back to 1803,
  which took the lawyer three months to track down.
  After sending the information
  to the FHA, he received the following reply.
  
  (actual letter):
  "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's
  loan application, we note that the request is
  supported by an Abstract of Title. While we
  compliment the able manner in which you have
  prepared and presented the application, we must
  point out that you have only cleared title to the
  proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before
  final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back
  to its origin." Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows: (actual letter)
  "Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
  that you wish to have the title extended further than the 194 years covered
  by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this
  country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know
  that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of
  origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA
  bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from
  France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came
  into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by
  a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege
  of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good
  queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as
  the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she
  sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure
  you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God; and God, it
  is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to
  presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God,
  therefore, would be the owner of origin, and His origins date back to before
  the beginning of time, the world as we know it, AND the FHA. I hope you find
  God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damned loan?"
  The loan was approved.