Looking for Birth Parents

meadow77

I myself was not adopted, however my husband's mother was. She passed away seven years ago and both of her adoptive parents are gone now as well. I have always been interested in finding more about her birth family for a couple of reasons. We plan on having children, and for medical reasons I would like to know her families medical history. The second reason is that I am 90% sure that her birth family live or lived right here in the same town. I am curious to know if my husband has relatives(aunts, uncles, cousins) living right here that he might get to know. It's a bit of a sticky situation because I think he feels as though to find this extended family may somehow be deserting his grandparents memory somehow. We have talked about it somewhat though and he said he wouldn't mind if I wanted to do some investigation. The problem is, I don't really know where to start. Does anyone have some advice or insight on how might be the best way to start a search like this? Thanks in advance for any input.

cruzanheart

If you have her name and date of birth, and/or Social Security number, you should be able to get a copy of her birth certificate.

Nina

LeslieV

Believe it or not the Mormons have the best record of finding people. You can call your local Latter Day Saints and ask for the number that will put you in contact with the individuals that find people. I do believe there are also web sites that you can post your information and if any surviving relatives out there can contact you. Good Luck!!!!

Leslie

Happythoughts

http://affiliates.jeanharris.com/cgi-bin/clickthru.cgi?pid=GD&sid=Whartdo It costs but may be able to lead you in the right direction.

jws

My wife went through a similar thing. Her adopted parents knew about it and were OK with it. I think she started with a judge to unseal the records because she was having a medical problem and wanted to find out actual family history. Even at that, certain information was hidden. But she did find out she had 2 older brothers and an older sister and some basic information about them and known medical history. I think the medical history search was the thing that clinched it for the judge. I don't remember if she eventually got a name or accidentally saw something she shouldn't when she got the records she did, but we eventually tracked them down.

By the way, most birth certificates are changed to show the adopted parents, so that doesn't help.

Her mother died 20 years ago. She has a half sister who she's met, and two half-brothers who she hasn't. As far as we can tell, her mother was divorced and had an affair that produced her. We have no idea who her father is (judging by our daughter, I'd say he was probably a circus acrobat). The siblings were sent to live with grandma for a few months, so they didn't even know they had a sister.

I thought finding them was great. From the moment I saw my wife's adopted family, I saw she looked out of place. She looked different and behaved a little differently. When she told me she was adopted, I knew why. I think you get to know a person better by seeing their birth family. Some things she inherited from her birth family, not from her adopted one. Meeting her sister let me get to know my wife better. It also gives me insight into our children.

But, there can be a scary side to that too. Sometimes you may find family and wish you never did. They may be a bunch of sleazebags. I've heard enough stories of bad relatives to know that sometimes you wish you weren't related to some of them. By finding them you are aquiring these relatives and bringing them into your life. They may be criminals, drug addicts, somebody who will constantly hit you up for money, or steal from you. It's a risk. Watch Jerry Springer and wonder what it'd be like if those people were related to you. Who knows? They may actually be. We got lucky.

As for my wife, she's been hands-off. I think I was more excited about finding them than she was. Since finding them over 3 years ago, she's had no particular ambition to visit them aside from an event here and there. I think her sister was excited because she always wanted a little sister, but my wife seems satisfied with the family she was raised with. She hasn't even met her brothers yet. And it's not because they're bad people. I don't understand. I'd love to find out I had more brothers and sisters - people like me. But it's personal and it's something that didn't happen to me. So I can't truly understand.

Good luck in your search and I hope it ends well.

Been there

Meadow,

I found my dad after 40 years. It does take alot of work sometimes. If I were you I would start by talking to your husbands oldest closest adoptive relatives. Usually they will have some of the story and may be able to start you in the right direction. They usually know things that have been old family secrets.

Get a date of birth, where she was born, any info what so ever. Your work will be cut out for you. Was she adopted as a baby or older child? It could be all sorts of things. She could have been adopted within the family. The family may have been large and poor, not able to feed another mouth. It could have been incest, rape, affair and swept under the carpet quietly. She may have been secretly born at home and given away with little record of birthfamily. A lot of births were at home back then. See if there were orphanages in the area.

It will help to get an idea of the town and practices in the year of her birth. If you would like to give what info you have, there are alot of people here that like alittle challenge and could maybe help you search. Good luck. I know how good it feels to finish the puzzle.