Kofi Annan?s New Year's UN Resolutions
Be brave -- ask US for more money.
Salt and pepper beard more.
Apply for US citizenship.
Lose weight -- no more delicious McDonald's cultural hegemony!
Bad-mouth US in front of Middle Eastern diplomats more.
Daily affirmation: "I am not the tool of the world's sole superpower!"
Make the UN more bureaucratish.
Write resolution to write more resolutions condemning the rogue state of Luxembourg.
Talk to US President more in broader terms - "African People Hungry," "Arabs Hate You," "Germany no likee war. Now." Perhaps speak slower.
Finally count out Third World dues change jar.
Resolve to cut the word ?Secretary? from title. ?General Annan? catchier.
Change name of UN Security Council to either "THE STAR CHAMBER", or "THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMAN", or ?THE GUNS AND MISSILES CLUB?.
Switch lame blue helmets of peacekeeping forces to ninja masks.
Make sure diplomatic immunity applies to downloading illegal nude photos of that smoking broad Condi.
Do charter bi-lines allow the UN to stockpile Weapons of Mass Destruction of their own? Could be help when negotiating with uppity Western Nations. Look into it this year. FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!!