Karaoke Contests - Rant

by Nosferatu 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    I've just recently entered into (another) karaoke contest. I've been in quite a few, but have never placed first despite the fact that I can usually wow an audience. The thing is, I've mostly seen women win these things. Some skank will get up on stage, sqeak out "I'll Always Love You" and get first prize. I've only seen a man win these things twice - one was a horrid opera singer, and one sang like a backstreet boy (it was a very small contest in a Legion). The highest I've ever place in one of these things is third (in the Legion contest).

    Here's a fact - women and men have two different types of voices. Women have pretty voices, while men have masculine voices, except for backstreet boy wannabes, but their voices still aren't as pretty as women's voices.

    I can't sing "I'll Always Love You", and frankly I hate the song, but I can do a real mean Axl Rose, but that doesn't count for shit.

    So I've made the semi finals. There I was at the bar where I entered, and they're taking entries until December. In walks this girl I only see when there's a contest. She's got the head of a cabbage, and big breasts. I remember one particular contest she won. She outdid a friend of mine named Gloria. Now Gloria is in her fifties, and she's got an excellent voice. But that squeeky cabbage head got up, sang "I'll always Love You" shaked her breasts a little for the male judges, and won first prize. She's no picnic to talk to either. She sounds like a cross between a valley girl and an old woman.

    I'm always trying to figure out a strategy in these stupid contests where I can at least place, but it's incredibly difficult when you have 6 squeeky cabbage heads singing "I'll always love you". I think it's time for me to pull "My Boy Lollipop" out of retirement and sing it in a chipmunk voice. It's not the prettiest thing you'll ever hear, but I'll recieve better audience responce than those squeeky cabbage heads.

    My final thoughts? Men and Women should be in different categories.

  • BeautifulGarbage
    BeautifulGarbage

    Cabbage head??

    Or, does asking the question make me one too?

    I have always hated that insipid song.

  • rocketman
    rocketman

    It's evidently all in the breasts lungs.

  • rocketman
    rocketman

    I've been at (and done some) Karaoke, but never at a contest. I'd never win or even get close, because I have a voice that is barely passable with little range.

    I've heard some folks do remarkably well. One guy did a stunning Frankie Valli (Sherry) last time I went. That night, it was the guys who were the best singers generally, but again, there was no contest held.

  • Valis
    Valis

    Try doing helium before you sing?

    Sincerely,

    District Overbeer

  • suzi_creamcheez
    suzi_creamcheez

    sounds like you need to take it off and shake it, Nosferatu.

  • unique1
    unique1

    I agree. Around here, only kids and family memebers or long lost family friends win them whether they can sing or not.

    Maybe you should get a Slash look alike to play air guitar behind you. Seems like the wilder ones get the prize so be animated even if you can't shake your boobies. Then again you could choose a redneck or biker bar. Rednecks and Bikers don't appreciate Whitney Houston anymore than you do and they love a little GNR.

    I hate "I will always love you" as well. Does anybody really like that song? Must be the same people that think Celine Dion is so great.

  • foreword
    foreword

    edited to add "nothing"

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    Nos,

    My guy has won two contests. One he won with Burning Down The House, the Talking Heads song. The other he won doing Sweet Transvestite from The Rockie Horror Picture Show. I saw him do it one night and was blown away so I bought him the RHPS CD.

    The women who came in second place in those contests? One of them sang a Judds song, Have Mercy. She has one of the most professional voices I have heard. Very talented.

    The second show a young college girl won 2nd with Allison Krause's When You Say Nothing At All. The lady who sang the Judds song didn't even place. The girl who won second sounded TERRIBLE but she was sweet and adorable so she placed second. The lady who didn't place is not that attractive. The sad thing is that the girl who placed 2nd is going to go around thinking she can sing when in fact she's painful to listen to.

    Heather

  • DFWnonJW
    DFWnonJW

    Many years ago, pre karaoke, there was air guitar. The local premier rock club had weekly contests so my brother, a friend of ours and myself went to have a look at what the hoopla was all about. These acts were LAME. Virtually all just more or less stood there doing the lip sync part and that was it. My brother got this look in his eye and said we were going to enter and blow any other act away. We were going to do The Who's "My Generation" complete with mock up cardboard instruments and suitable cartoonish wardrobe.

    Long story short, we did blow everyone away and the audience loved us and we destroyed ALOT of cardboard (drop kicked my drums into the audience) as well as a little mayhem with the real bands equipment (oops!). However, we did not win. 1st place went to the six tramps babes in hot pants and loose halter tops. As hot as they were though, I don't think they would have won if not for singing a, uh, rousing rendition of Jimmy Buffet's "Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw?". And yes, they did get my vote

    The air/cabbage head women just have winning contests pretty much all sown up. It's their lot in life so don't begrudge them that.

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