I'm feeling depressed now...
On Halloween night, we had bought some candy. Someone in my family suggested that we give it out to the trick or treaters. I don't really have anything against the holidays anymore, and I couldn't really see anything wrong with giving out candy. So, when the trick or treaters came to the door I thought "why not?" and gave them some.
However, someone from the hall called once when the door was open. They must have heard the kids and told the elders (what a surprise ) as two days later we had two brothers come to our house and question us. We managed to avoid any trouble, saying that we had merely given candy to a couple neighbors that stopped by (after all that is what happened). Still, I can't help but feel depressed about the whole thing. The two brothers who came by were very nice and understanding, good down to earth men, but were doing what they believed was required of them. I like both of them, and I hated having to twist the truth to avoid getting in trouble.
Even though I don't agree with them on number of things, I still feel that most witnesses are good people. I guess that, on a certain level, I still care very much about what they think of me. I have no regrets about the path I've choosen, but I hate to think that the brothers and sisters I've grown up with will be appalled at my rejection of the WTS. I hate to consider the fact that they'll view me as a deserter and a bad person. And the thing of it is, I will eventually have to say goodbye. Things like this always have a way of coming into the open eventually, even if all I do is become inactive the wedge will gradually deepen.
My only hope is that one day, I can finally make peace and be open with the people I've grown up with, with no judgement coming from either side.