My Daughter Is Going Through A Rough Time.

Undecided

Hi All,

My daughter, the mother of Emily, is having a rough time right now. She just had a hysterectomy and has been staying here for the last three weeks so we can help with the kids while she heals. Now there are more problems, her husband is kicking out her two oldest kids, a boy 21 and a daughter 18. Neither one is working . They are his step kids. The son was working for him untill he ruined his hands painting and pressure cleaning bridges. He got carpel-tunnel in both hands and had an operation to help the problem. He can't work right now. He has his girlfriend living with him at his step-dads house too.

My daughter's husband set a price that both children must pay to stay there or get out. The daughter is lazy and won't do anything much around the house to help out. He has a point but he is the type who can be a real ass hole and she just can't take his mouth right now. She is leaving him and wants to stay here for a month or more. We only have two bed rooms and one bath for six people. It's really hard to take the tension and turmoil that's going on right now. She doesn't work so I don't know how she expects to keep up four kids and a house. She has a house she had built next door on land we gave her when she left her first husband for abuse and adultery about 15 years ago. It's not paid for yet, she is renting it now to a guy who works for her husband. I don't want to be in the middle of a domestic dispute, but what else can I do?

I can't help with the expenses as I'm retired and on a modest pension and SS and just able to meet my own bills. Life sucks sometimes. I had it so peaceful before all this mess. I sure hope it can be resolved but I doubt it. She is suffering from depression already and I hope she can take it.

I don't know if I can.

Ken P.

minimus

Good Luck! Sorry to hear about this mess. I hate it when you inherit a problem that you have nothing to do with!

ChimChim

I'm sorry to hear that, is sad

just give her alot of love and affection, and I hope everything turns out ok in the end!!

-¤-*C.C*-¤-

jgnat

Ummm, how about practicing various forms of the word, "No"? You will not find peace by trying to give everyone what they want. These people all have brains of their own, and if they had do, could find another way of living besides move in with you. Keep in mind that laziness is not debilitating. Such people can work and live on their own if forced.

Your daughter: How much longer until she heals from the hysterectomy? One week, two weeks? Was that the original plan? But now she wants to separate with no means of supporting herself, and is suffering from depression at the same time. So now the visit is turning in to months...even years? Help her find some resources in the community to help her get set up on her own. Then set a date when your home becomes your castle again.

Boy 21: How long after the surgery before he can work? Would HE be helpful around the house? Does he have friends he can room with temporarily?

Boy 21's girlfriend: Huh? Since when can couples move in together before they can support themselves? She can go back home until Boy 21 can work and live on his own.

Daughter 18: I assume there is nothing preventing that girl from finding a job at McDonald's. Does she have girlfriends who are out on their own that she can room with?

A story I heard recently reminded me that a rescuer can be no help if they themselves drown. That is why a life guard will try any other means to help a drowning person other than come up beside them and put themselves at risk. Undecided, you are at risk of drowning yourself, here. You need to cut loose from this mess. That doesn't mean you don't love your family very much. Sometimes the kindest love is helping people discover their own resourcefulness and inner strength to overcome hard times.

jgnat

Just for background, my daughter told me she would never pay me rent. "Over my dead body" were her exact words, if I recall. I was asking a very reasonable amount, but I did not argue with her. She figured her needs were very reasonable as well. All she needed to find was an apartment that would rent for under $400 - utilities and cable included - that would accept and love her white shepherd and siamese cat as much as she did. She spent a few weeks reading the ads, circling the possibilities, and making phone calls.

And then one day she stopped complaining. And has happily paid her rent ever since.

Undecided

Jgnat,

It's a very complicated mess. I can see some of his side of the issue and some of her side also.

He works 12,14 hours a day trying to recover a business his dad owns and gave to the Nigerians by sending them millions of dollars in a scam, he is smart(his dad) in his business but dumb in other ways. He has worked for his dad since he was 17. His dad was abusive to him and it sort of tainted his personality somewhat also. He is very impulsive and would probably kill someone that upset him in a bad mood. He has never physically abused my daughter but mentally I think he does. He is under severe pressure to recover the business for his family and it is getting to him emotionally.

I just hope they can work out their problems. I sure can't do it for them.

Her 21 year old son brought the girl home to his house because she was being abused by her mother. She doesn't know who her father is. He asked before he did this and his step dad agreed to it, that was before he had to quit work. He is engaged to her now. They are spending the nights with his paternal dad right now. He is a good boy but somewhat spoiled by his mom. He offers to help me all the time but I rather do my own work while I am able.

I have got to go eat breakfast now, thanks for the comments.

Ken P.

BeautifulGarbage

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SheilaM

(((((((((((Undecided:))))))))))))))

I'm sorry I hope you get this figured out

My Daughter Is Going Through A Rough Time.

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