From a christian perspective, would true love expect to be thanked? Would true love bemoan the absence of an expression of thanks?

by Island Man 3 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Island Man
    Island Man

    I think most people in most cultures see it as a bad thing to not thank someone for a good deed they've done you. In fact you have probably heard someone say something like this - or you've said it yourself:

    "Person X is so ungrateful! I did/gave ABC for/to Person X and (s)he never even said thank you! I will not be helping Person X again!"

    Is that a truly loving attitude? What is behind the desire to be thanked? Is it - should it be - a christian desire?

    This OP will be a bit far out and will challenge norms of culture and courtesy that you take for granted and I'm hoping that it will also expose a bit of a contradiction in christian culture.

    I think the first thing I should tackle is the question of what is behind the desire to be thanked. I think the desire to be thanked stems from the desire to be praised and recognized by others. Praise and recognition from others feeds the ego, giving you a shot of pride. So I think thanking someone is actually repaying them for their good deed, by stroking their ego and giving them a shot of pride.

    Is it a good thing to expect recognition and praise for doing a good deed? Jesus condemned the action of doing good deeds in order to be praised by men. He said that good deeds done for praise will not be rewarded by his father in heaven. So how could it be a good thing to take offense at not being thanked for doing a good deed? What it actually means is that a person is taking offense at the fact that he was not given recognition, praise and a shot of pride as payment for doing a good deed.

    I think there is even a subconscious recognition of the fact that being thanked is a form of praise that gives a shot of unwarranted pride. That fact is seen in the way people sometimes feel embarrassed and may blush at being thanked. It is also revealed in language. In America, persons often say, in response to being thanked: "it was nothing", "don't mention it", "no problem". What is the purpose of such expressions? It seems that the original intent behind these expressions is that the one being thanked is actually refusing the praise and recognition that he's being given by minimizing the stature of his own good deed. Of course, many people today use such expressions as a perfunctory custom without any genuine feeling behind the words. But the point is the origin of these expressions reveal an awareness of the fact that there a feeling of guilt, shame and/or embarrassment at being praised for a good deed.

    So is it loving to be offended for not being thanked for a good deed? The bible says love does not brag and does not seek its own interests. The desire to be thanked is a selfish desire to be praised and recognized. True love does not seek its own interests but that of the person who is the object of the love. So if someone is giving with the expectation of being thanked - are they giving out of pure love? Wouldn't pure love be satisfied to know that the person was helped or made happy by the good deed or gift? Wouldn't that alone be reward enough without expecting to be thanked - to be praised?

    And this brings me to a bible account that seems at odds with Jesus' earlier statement about not doing good to be recognized. It is the account of the blind men whose eyes Jesus opened. All of them went rejoicing at being able to see. Shouldn't that have been enough for Jesus - to see that these men are now happy and will have a better life ahead? No. For when one of them returned to thank Jesus, he bemoaned the fact that the others did not? Even Jesus, who says we should not do good for the sake of being praised by men, turned around and reproached those who did not praise him for his good deed to them, although he should have been satisfied that he had made them happy, given that his motive for helping them should be pure love and not a desire to praised for doing a good deed.

  • jhine
    jhine

    Just noticed this OP . l don't think that it is Christian to expect gratitude for what we do . Having said that l would not stop saying thank you to others ! Good manners do oil the wheels of society , but Christians shouldn't get huffy if due gratitude isn't shown . IMO

    Jan

  • dreddie
    dreddie

    The desire to be thanked is a selfish desire to be praised and recognized. True love does not seek its own interests but that of the person who is the object of the love. So if someone is giving with the expectation of being thanked - are they giving out of pure love?

    I agree.

    How about this then.

    Has Jehova any desire to be praised ? (thanked)
    Because if so, is his love really unconditional ?

  • stillin
    stillin

    Sorry. I want and rightly expect thanks. I give thought to gift-giving, I spend my resources , I drop what I'm doing for the sake of giving. Not so I can be thanked, but certainly not to give to some entitled little brat who expects things to be handed to him!

    When I thank somebody, I'm not trying to feed their ego or puff them up. I am THANKING them, period. Part of it is the social lubricant thing, part is being thankful and letting the giver know that they are appreciated.

    the Witnesses fail miserably in this department because they ONLY think that Jehovah deserves thanks. The things that people do for them, they are only doing with what Jehovah gave THEM.

    Try holding a door for some spoiled brat who just sails past with their nose in the air. See how you feel. Nope, you can quote scripture all you want. If there's a God, He wants to be thanked. The cured leper that came back to give thanks was well spoken of in the Bible. Really. It's not bragging until you go around blowing your own horn about it.

    which brings me to my next gripe. A really great wedding gift that I gave a couple in the congregation. Not a whisper of thanks. OK, so they probably forgot because they were so busy balling each other's brains out. I understand, God's gift of sex was even better than my gift.

    i'm rambling aren't I?

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