Who Is Responible??

by Satanus 8 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Satanus

  This is a bit of meandering about my life.

  In my life, i have undone most of the wt memes, i have worked on overcoming the negatives resulting from the abuses of my parents. The emotional emptiness resulting (i think) from my mother's aloofness, noncomunication, nonsupport can't be deprogrammed.

  I'm considering taking responsibility for it all, though. It seems that i turned out worse than my brothers and sisters, yet... They are all in, except for the one that died young. Susan forward says that those who break out of the abuse cycle are better, even though their lives are sometimes turned upside down because of it.

  I am where i am as a result of a series of decisions, probably millions of them. And so, when, as a little kid, i turned to my mother nonexistent support, i made certain decisions. It's her fault, but...

  SS
• 

  Xena

  Your responsible for yourself.
• 

  Guest 77

  Learn to let time be your friend SS. Your on the right track. When we have been misguided from childhood we need the proper directions to reroute our lives. Having positive and helpful friends will serve as useful cushions in moments of despair. Taking personal responsibility (self-help) is a great cure. Allow time to do its thing.

  By the way, January 10, 2004 at my place is our next get together. 2PM.

  Guest 77
• 

  acsot

  Have you done any of the stuff in Bradshaw's books on the family? My father was an alcoholic and my mother the "enabler". I worked through some of the exercises Bradshaw outlines and though terribly painful, you do come out the other side scarred but better than before.

  I don't think we can ever completely fill the "holes" in our soul that battered childhoods have caused. But, as Guest wrote:

  Having positive and helpful friends will serve as useful cushions in moments of despair. Taking personal responsibility (self-help) is a great cure. Allow time to do its thing.

  Maybe the next meet-up will be less "Watchtower" oriented and more "let's get to know each other better and make friends" type of thing. That's healing.

  I have some of Bradshaw's audiocassettes, if you want to borrow them (or the books). Just let me know.
• 

  Panda

  SS, Yeah we are responsible for our decisions, but our parents are responsible for allowing abusive people (in your case JW's and the WTS) to control young lives. Teaching you to be a JW is harmful and evil. Other decisions aren't likely to come out right because you hadn't been taught how to make decisions. The smartest idea you've had was to leave the dubs (siblings, family included) to their own devices of hate. Because you are here you have probably helped many many people to know they aren't alone and abandoned when leaving dubdom. That's mighty important. Part of your healing(I hate that term) --- let's say part of your awakening has included this new group of friends. Everyone has their own story of success and failure. Because you asked the why questions you are way ahead of your siblings. Just imagine blind faith --- I think that's hell for sure... and your family is still there, spirits crushed and curiousity abandoned. Now you on the other hand are quite alive. So lets say that from now on pay attention to your decisions not as simply anti-WTS but something more. I don't know what to call that something more, except maybe, yourself? You will have failures, sure, but the good of your failures is that you are alive enough to make them your own, not because you were told DO THIS or DON"T DO THAT by a publishing company. Maybe as humans we need to accept the failures, no maybe embrace them as learning who we are, be like a physicist and build, rework, add new stuff understand yourself on the atomic level ;-) Really living is painful. I mean, look at the greatest in art or science. Picasso is a good example of changing by learning. Not only in his art which is marvelous to see his evolution, but even his personal life the women and his children. The very concept of the basic elements of structure beautifully reduced yet somehow enhanced by his dynamic simplicity. Like that dove picture or his guerra works, amazing. So that's like you too. Always shaping and reshaping your guts. Maybe it's learning from yourself and not from some idiot old men w/ many lawyers. So are you responsible? Of course. But just like if you get something like asthma because of pollution you are only responsible to get treatment so that you'll live. There's nothing to do about the cause of that illness. So you have the WTS diseased upbringing. You won't be able to change that, but time will fade the idiocy and pain. It won't ever really be healed, but your distance will enable your great mind and heart to live and make decisions your way, w/o the contaminant.

  Hugs from Panda
• 

  Satanus

  Thanks for those. Yah, i'm responsible from here on out. *grabs at responsibility*

  Ac

  I have read a couple of bradshaws books, worked at some of it. It is tough.

  The other question that i ponder, is of the spiritual nature. I'm not 100% sure that we preexisted, but it seems that some make better decisions from their beginnings, even as babies. It's like some people start out as more advanced 'souls' or something.

  SS
• 

  zen nudist

  Why does anyone have to be responsible for anything?

  we are all EXACTLY where we find ourselves because of an unchangeable past which lead us here.... when was it EVER different? when did we find ourselves anywhere then where all of history has brought us? Every decision you have made is likewise the result of alot of minor events within you which are all unchangeable at the final moment of decision... you are always exactly where you MUST BE, typically not where you want to be... so why the difference? where you are is the direct result of real forces of energy, but where you think you should be is only from beliefs mostly made in gross ignorance of how reality actually works and with a limited range of data gathering ability. Beliefs can be good guesses or completely out of whack. each move we make is our total system gambling on some option that seems most compelling at that moment...even if consciously we may think we are making a mistake...

  others will hold us ACCOUNTABLE for our gambling consequences, but there is no point in blaming anyone for what reality unfolds to being....it is what it is and could not be otherwise, there is only one gamble per turn and once made, it cannot be unmade.... people can IMAGINE alternatives and that leads to a lot of what if and if only thinking which causes some anger, others sadnes and still others depression...but its not what happened that did that, only what they believe about why, which again is mostly ignorant imaginings...nothing more.

  if you focus on what you are doing while you are doing it, accepting all that brought you here and that you are here, and then make your best gamble in every moment, there is no cause for regrets, ever.... that is the key to contentment... which is all that ultmately matters and is the true goal of everything you do.
• 

  larc

  Zen, I really liked what you wrote. It camptured my out look on life. I liked it so much that I got my wife to come read it. I especially liked the very last paragraph
• 

  Navigator

  Saint Satan:

  While it is true that we cannot change the past, we certainly can change the way we view the past. The most important thing to do with the past is to let it go. As "A Course in Miracles" put it; "The one thing certain about the past is that IT IS PAST!"

  Re: Accepting Responsibility: From ACIM, p.448, Edition 2.

  "I am responsible for what I see.

  I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide

  upon the goal I would achieve.

  And everything that seems to happen to me

  I ask for, and receive as I have asked.

  Re: Your question of a spiritual nature.

  From the ACIM section called Clarification of Terms (Epilougue) we have:

  "Be not afraid. We only start again an ancient journey long ago begun that but seems new. We have begun again upon a road we travelled on before and lost our way a little while. And now we try again. Our new beginning has the certainty the journey lacked till now. Look up and see His Word among the stars, where He has set your Name along with His. Look up and find your certain destiny the world would hide but God would have you see."

  I can tell from your previous posts, which I have found to be quite helpful, that you are well along the path.