I've planted a seed before I was ready to nurture it! Help!

by imallgrowedup 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  imallgrowedup

  I don't know if I have just unwittingly set my JW mother up for trouble with the WT and I need some opinions on what to do! Please help!

  I have wanted to try to get my mom and step-dad out of the borg for a long time. They've been in for about 40 years, so they are pretty die-hard. One of the reasons I came to this board was to learn as much as possible about the JW religion (thankfully, I was never baptized) so I could get a little more understanding of the religion so I could start planting little seeds. Up until tonight, my seeds have always landed on cement. Tonight, however, they landed in soft, moist peat moss - with a bunch of sunshine, some organic fertilizer and gentle rains. Instead of jumping up and down and cheering, all I can think to do is ask myself "WHAT DID I JUST DO?!!!!!!"

  To make a long story short, I accidentally came across some very interesting information in regards to the WT (don't mean to be a tease, but I can't share it right now), and tonight while I was on the phone with JW mom, the topic steered to one of the JW's favorite subjects - The Catholic Church. She was talking about a particular practice the Catholic Church engages in and how underhanded and nasty they are to engage in that practice, and as the Good Lord is my witness, it was the exact same practice I've accidentally stumbled upon in regards to the WT! If there was ever an open door to plant a seed, that was it - the door was flat-out ripped off the hinges - what could I do but proceed with caution? Thinking the seeds would once again fall on cement, I casually mentioned how I had stumbled across this particular piece of information, and asked her what she thought of it. At first, she didn't understand what I was trying to explain - either that, or the blinders were constricting her eyesight - but all of a sudden, she got it. Of course she started offering explanations, but as they were coming out of her mouth, she would catch herself and realize that the explanation she was offering wouldn't work. If I weren't so much on pins and needles because she was actually listening to me, it would have been funny! Anyway, she was genuinely curious and asked me for copies of the documents to back up what I was saying so she could show them to her CO and ask him what he knew. This only served to embolden me, so I dropped another thing I'd found on her, and she was just as receptive to that information as she was to the other thing! If I didn't know better, I would have thought I was talking to anyone OTHER than my mother! This time she asked for copies because she wanted to show them to her DO! Still feeling brave, I dropped yet another bombshell on her - and I got the same reaction again!! This was my dream come true!!! This time she asked for documentation because she wanted to make four copies of everything so she could give copies to her CO and her DO, keep one for herself, and send the remaining copy to the Society because she wants explanations! (I now know from whom I get my "inquring mind"!)

  Most people right now would be jumping up and down for joy - but I'm scared to death that I have just set her up for big trouble for, at the very least, possessing apostate literature! Additionally, since the explanations she is requesting are based upon information that has not yet been made public, I'm afraid the WT is going to perceive her no differently than the Anderson's by bringing information to light that the WT doesn't want shown. On top of that, I am very fearful they are going to tell her to cut off all ties with me, and there is no way on the face of this earth I could handle that! What do I do? I don't want her disfellowshipped and shunned by the JW's - she is the type that needs to do the slow fade, because she is far too sensitive of other people's opinion to withstand it. Do I go ahead and give her copies of what she is requesting? Do I retract what I've told her? Do I tell her not to share the information with anyone? (She's probably already called five other sisters to tell them about our conversation.) Do I pile on more stuff - like the UN stuff that I know she hasn't seen? I have really painted myself into a corner here because I WANT her to see the WT's true colors, but I wasn't ready for her to be receptive to so soon! I thought I'd have five or ten years to slowly drip info to her, but she swallowed it all in one night, wants copies of what I've found, and I'm not even done with my research!!!!

  What should I do?!!!

  growedup of the "you shoulda thought of that BEFORE you spouted off" class!
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  jgnat

  Smart parents learn to let go when their children become adults. When my twentysomething daughter wanted to start investing in the stock market, I did not interfere. Life would be a far better teacher than if I passed on another generation's fears to her.

  If your mom listened, was properly indignant at what she has just discovered, let her follow through. She may not be COMPLETELY prepared for the storm, but it is her life and she deserves to run with it. Besides, you will be around to pick up the pieces later.
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  Mysterious

  Don't retract what you told her if it's true. She deserves to know what's going on. I don't think anyone is every completely prepared for what they are getting into when they start to investigate. I wouldn't burden her down with too much extra information right away, build on what you're telling her, answer her questions, and get her more as she is ready. Good luck getting her out of the borg.
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  gumby

  - but I'm scared to death that I have just set her up for big trouble

  Do you call getting your mother out of a cult.....causing her trouble? I know what you mean though......you want her out.... with no trouble. Yes.....she needs the slow fade, as do all who don't want to deal with the reprocussions.

  I'm afraid the WT is going to perceive her no differently than the Anderson's by bringing information to light that the WT doesn't want shown.

  They will......and that alone may bring her out. When she realises she has good questions and arguments, and instead of answer her they accuse her, she may see the "light".This happens often....believe me.

  On top of that, I am very fearful they are going to tell her to cut off all ties with me, and there is no way on the face of this earth I could handle that!

  See above comments........ unless she is the type that bends to pressure easily.

  Do I tell her not to share the information with anyone?

  I would tell her that if she shares this........she will definately have some trouble. If you tell her first that there will be trouble, this will ring a bell for her when trouble starts and she will see you were correct.....and that's good!

  Do I pile on more stuff - like the UN stuff that I know she hasn't seen?

  Depends on how much more she is receptive to hearing. I wouldn't at this point. The pedophile issue is probably enough for her at this time and is a big enough issue to cause her plenty of concern.

  This is great news and has been an inspiration of hope for me. Thank you.

  Gumby
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  bebu

  First of all, growedup, you need to consider what your information IS and its SOURCE. What I mean specifically is, is this information that could have been gotten by anyone if they searched public documents? Great. If you are relying on sensitive documents, then I think you might be able to share what parts might not be sensitive, and for that reason not be able to make copies for the CO and DO, etc. Ask your mom to review with you what you've found so far (of what you can show her), and just tell her plainly: if there's a better explanation for it, you'd be glad to hear it! Tell her you haven't indicted anyone, but you are alarmed!

  But as for your panic about having the soft, moist soil: GO FOR IT. DON'T TURN BACK. You have an open door in front of you--walk thru it!!!! If not now---when???? If not when she's ready to listen--when???

  The reason I feel this way?? I had been waiting for a long time to talk with my JW neighbor. I have prayed a lot for her, hoping for openings, etc. Just a few weeks back that opening came. I guess I was a bit shocked by it as well--I was just used to being in the holding pattern. Like your own conversation with your mom, it was just a natural conversation, and like your mom, it was in response to a snide comment about the Catholic church's priest scandal... (the ol' WT pedophile scandal).. It wasn't planned or canned dialogue. It just happened, and it went very well.

  Don't worry about it! You are right where you are supposed to be, and this is going the way it should go. Hang on tight! You and I are in exactly the same place these days!!!

  bebu

  YOU DARN WELL HAD BETTER KEEP US ALL UPDATED!!!!
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  outnfree

  ((((Growed))))),

  My opinion is that if she is now ready to listen and to ask questions, then perhaps that cement you were talking about wasn't quite dry yet and your previous seeds got stuck there! In other words, she's already been having doubts, and now you just finally hit a topic (or two or three) that resonates with her. Don't pile on more info. DO carefully consider your sources and then share the documentation with the appropriate warning that this could have severe repercussions and that you love her and don't want to ever lose her over this.

  Then let go and let her go to work with her CO, DO and the org. Sounds like she is finally ready to do battle. Many of us had doubts for years, although no one, not even our families, would have ever known. Perhaps the floodgates have finally opened. If so, expect her strong adherence to the org to change into strong indignation when she sees how they react to her questioning "Jehovah" (because we all know the Borg=Jah! ).

  Don't worry, be happy! You done good!

  outnfree
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  peacefulpete

  This is discussed in Hassan's book as well. Too often those outside a cult see the cult as a haven and support for the person and so make no effort to help them regain their balance. It is a difficult choice, for me I look at the losses and gains and decide whether to approach a person with information. If she is suffering loss from being in (such as family hardship, medical risk)then it is loving to help. If her world is spinning just fine then I would have reservations.
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  czarofmischief

  She wanted to know. I say tell her. Remember, it is God who makes these seeds grow in their own due time - she'll take it as far as she wants to - if she wants to leave, then she will!

  If not, at least you tried. It's not like you can trick her.

  CZAR