Your Friends in the JWs versus Your Friends Now....

by Sirona 8 Replies latest social relationships

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  Sirona

  Think of your friends in the JWs and think of your friends now. How do they compare? Think of loyalty, trust, being there for you. Then think of your friends as people - who are they? how successful and happy are they?

  Without going into too much detail, my JW friends were overall very guilt ridden and stressed, sometimes even very depressed. Although we can all feel like that as I think back I remember how many of us felt like that in the JWs. My current friends sometimes put me to shame with their knowledge and insights, their optimism and love of family.

  Sirona
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  Valis

  No comparison...after I left not one of them talked to me.

  SIncerely,

  District Overbeer
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  Sassy

  Their friendship might have seemed at times like it was deep but in the end it wasn't. It was conditional... Conditional on your being a JW. If you failed that, then you asked for any shunning or repurcussions. That isn't my definition of friendship. So there is no comparison.
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  Gordy

  Friends stand by you in times of trouble.

  Friends give love and support

  Friends love unconditionally

  Therefore no friends in JW's
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  undercover

  Friendship in the congregation is largely conditional. Many of the people that I considered friends, look down on me now because I am inactive. So I guess they weren't true friends.

  That being said, I still have a few friends that are still "in". While I may not see them at meetings and therefore not have contact with them several times a week as before, we occasionally get together for movies or dinner. They seem genuinely concerned and because they have had "issues" with certain policies doctrines, they tend to accept me as is and don't let my position(or lack thereof) in the congregation get in the way.

  Friends outside of the organization? I have had some difficulty making "true" friends outside the congregation. I have made lots of acquaintances. I have expanded the time spent on my favorite hobbies and met people through these activities. I have developed relationships with these people, but as of yet, none are real, true friends that I can depend on in times of crisis. I'm not an outgoing person to begin with; I am perfectly capable of entertaining myself if I am alone and have never felt the need to have constant compainonship or company to feel needed or liked. You have to be a friend to get friends and I am not always good at that.
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  Maverick

  I have a few friends that stayed loyal after I left the duds. One has romantic interests so the jury is still out on her. One other helped me get out of that mess. One I studied with when his kids were very small asked me yesterday how to help him get his now 21 year old daughter to annul her baptism. People I knew BEFORE being a dud have come back and now treat me the same as before. Though they tell me they tried to warn me about the duds. Now remember I was a dud for 24 years! They never held being a dud against me. They just waited for me to wake up! My worldly family did the same. And I spoke to the Witness side of the family last week and they are cool with me too! I guess they are not real happy little campers with the WTS right now either! So all and all, though I don't have a lot of friends the quality of the friendships I do have is very high. I guess I am one of the fortunate ones. Maverick
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  La Capra

  One JW friend talked to me even more when I DA'd, until he figured out I wasn't going to fornicate with him just because I was out. None of the other JWs that I considered my friends maintained their friendships. Amazingly NONE of my non-JW friends shunned at all when I quit. Weird? Shoshana
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  Sirona

  Thanks for everyone's experiences.

  It seems then that overall JW's are only your friend if you are JW. My JW mother has friends who are not JW, but then they never were. If one of her current JW friends left the JWs I wonder if she'd shun them?

  I have one JW friend who remained loyal, but I haven't heard from her for a while so I'm not sure where we stand anymore. She meets me in secret - even though I'm not DF or DA - she's been counselled that I'm bad association! (moi? ) In fact I behave more morally than most young people in the cong.

  Other JWs walk past me in the street and ignore me. (..whatever!) They love to label us as lazy, or weak because we "can't live up to Jehovah's standards" when actually we're the strong ones.

  Sirona
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  franklin J

  Amazing how we all have had the same experiences with old JW friends!

  Sirona, do not feel bad about them ignoring you . My non JW wife and I decided to move into the small town where I grew up ( north shore of Long Island , NY) because it is a very nice suburb and great place to raise a family. When I see old JW friends from 25 years ago ( it happens occasionaly in this place) they cross the street to avoid greeting me and my small children . What creeps they all turned out to be!! Real creeps to snub children! I agree with you that the new "wordly" friends I have made are truly nice people. I have learned that there is good people and bad people everywhere; and I have learned to find the good. However, with the JWs, I am still looking.

  I have found solace with x JWs on this forum. Have not encountered any others anywhere. I do feel like I among among friends through this website.

  regards, Frank