The joy of getting angry

by Elsewhere 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  Elsewhere

  It took a few years of being out of the bOrg, but I eventually realized that I was stuck in a "people pleaser" mode. I was terrified of displeasing people and experiencing their resulting wrath. Because of this I would always suppress my own anger or displeasure toward things that happened.

  It's odd, but I did not know that I had the right to get angry... other people had the right, but I did not. Looking back I can tell that it sounds very strange, but that is what I experienced.

  It has taken me awhile, but I have noticed that over the last few years I have grown to the point of being able to allow myself to get angry. You know the little things, like someone cutting you off in a parking lot. I would always assume that *I* had done something wrong. That's right, if I was cut off I would assume that it was my fault. If someone was being an asshole to me, I would assume that it was my fault. I would always assume that I had done something wrong and was deserving of what people did to me.

  I recall that when I was still in the bOrg I would watch a cartoon called Ren and Stimpy. I watched it religiously. The thing I loved most about it was how the little dog (Ren) had the amazing ability to get angry. I was marveled by this and would get a big laugh every time he lost his temper. I didn't realize it at the time, but I literally envied his ability to get angry.

  It wasn't until I watched the movie Anger Management (Very funny... a must see) that I realized what I was doing. Ever since then I have been learning how, first, to allow myself to get angry, and second, how to express it in a healthy way (or at least try to ).

  What have I learned from all of this? Anger can be very liberating and healthy (when used properly).
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  Sentinel

  This is a good post! Yes, anger can be a very volatile emotion. This seems to be because we don't know how to deal with it. We feel like we aren't supposed to be outwardly angry, so we suppress it. The suppression just adds to the burden of the reason we feel anger, and so at some point, it is usually vented improperly over some other issue that doesn't even relate.

  Best to just try to release the anger in a constructive way. If you must scream and hollar or curse a blue streak, do it off to yourself. Get it out, but use good sense. Firm anger can be expressed very quietly as well. That usually freaks the other person out.

  Releasing emotion always feels good.
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  SpunkyChick

  I agree and relate with both posts. I am happy not to have the mindset that I've done something wrong and satan is attacking me. I let out my anger by listening to metal, working out at the gym, or writing emotionally charged letters to the person that's pissed me off (sometimes I do not send them, but just the act of getting my feelings out on paper). I usually feel better.
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  Billygoat

  Elsewhere, your post really hits home with me! Growing up, my father owned the anger in the house. He was allowed to do what he wanted with it, but nobody else could ever have it. Pretty selfish if you ask me, but looking back he was a product of the Borg. "They" could always do what they wanted, but it was NEVER acceptable for anyone else to do that. Towards the last few years at home, I finally began to NOT care. I began showing as much anger as my father had for years. Obviously, that didn't bode well as I got kicked out of the house, but I finally learned that it's okay to be angry. How you handle your anger and your actions during your anger is very important. Beating a person (verbally or physically) is NEVER appropriate. Raised voices don't bother me as long as it's a productive argument. Fighting for the sake of fighting is never healthy. Seriously...what is to gain?

  And another thing I've had to learn is: choosing your battles is as important as handling your anger well. If it's something that you're not even going to remember next week or 10 years from now...is it worth the battle? Flame-wars on this board are a prime example. Is it really worth getting into an argument over what flavor pizza is the best? Will it affect your real life? Will it affect your real life in 10 years? More often than not, no. So what's the point?

  Just a few of my little goat cents,

  Andi
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  Elsewhere

  my father owned the anger in the house

  Great point... Like the way you put that.
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  CruithneLaLuna

  My experience as a JW was that the religion multiplied my reasons to feel angry (in reaction to hurts and frustrations, which also seemed to be multipled), but made me feel extremely guilty about expressing my anger - which added to my hurt and frustration. I was caught in a vicious cycle of emotoinal pain / frustratoin / anger. Nowadays, I seldom get beyond the "mildly peeved" stage, and if I use a few colorful adjectives, it is usually no big deal, although I do try to avoid offending people (unless doing so just comes with the territory of taking care of necessary business).
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  Carmel

  How does getting angery at someone that cuts you off in a parking lot help? Allowing yourself to "get angry" at events that you have no control over or are caused by other people is like allowing yourself to wet the bed. You're allowed to get angry at me now if you please, but frankly it will only demean you.

  carmel of the straight talking class
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  Stefanie

  In the borg and most religions you are taught to turn the other cheek. I had spent my whole life letting people walk all over me. I wont do it anymore. The other day I was doing laundry and this lady was so impatient she took my clothes out of the dryer and threw them on a dirty table. I was so angry I was going to take my clothes and leave, but when I saw the smug look on her face I told her off. I am proud of the way i handled that, because on the inside I wanted to take her clothes out of dryer, throw them on the floor and step on them right in front of her. Then Bitch slap that ho for putting my newborns clothes on a dirty table.