TAKING OUR LIVES BACK #3
Human feelings and emotions we have for one another are so very basic to our nature, our humanity, our souls, cutting to the marrow of our bones, that to bound, stifle, entrap, and regulate them is not only most difficult, but when achieved, make us into mind-numbed robots. We may not see it when it happens, or understand it, or believe it, but as Jehovah’s Witnesses our emotions were very much controlled, and our reactions became mechanical, and could only be expressed as we were sure that the organization approved.
Examples: In the early 1980s the Society published an article in the Watchtower magazine that put-down our feelings of nostalgia and sentimentalism. I recall being upset at this because I felt that these emotions were harmless, and their rationale was strained beyond reason. Later, in the early 1990s they came out with an article based on a scripture about ‘not touching a women’ and went so far as to apply this to even friendly ‘hugs’ among friends – the so-called – dangers associated with fornication. I recall an affectionate (married) sister crying when an Elder discussed this at a Service Meeting from the platform.
What really started to burn me was sometime in the late 1980s or early 1990s, the Society came out with articles about being “cold” or having “hardened” faces when we see the destruction of Jehovah’s enemies. It seems that the articles were also in response to those accused of apostasy. What shocked me was the utter abandonment of our normal need to grieve and feel bad for the harm experienced by others. Even ‘grieving’ itself was twisted to say that we ‘do not grieve as the rest do’ where they misapplied a Scripture to presume that the earthly hope would mean one would not grieve as does the world.
Opening back up to non-JWs: Prior to being a JW, my Catholic training was all about valuing other people, seeing the good in them, and that God loves everyone. As a JW, we viewed non-JWs as ‘worldly’ and not deserving of our fellowship, our love in a close friendship, and treated with suspicion.
About the time I was leaving the organization, I took a business trip to the southern USA to audit some vendors who supplied our nuclear plant with engineering services. It was this trip where I also planned to stay over the weekend and visit with Ray & Cynthia Franz at their home.
As I boarded the plane and took my seat, I got comfortable. I took out my pad to make some notes, and then rummaged through the seat pocket for something to read, but it was all boring stuff. So, I sat back and started watching people. I saw other business men and women doing their work or reading. I saw couples going on vacation. I noticed a young woman and her children, with a baby in her arms. Then her husband arrived and helped with the other children. There were elderly chatting about visiting their newest grandchildren in another state. Then ... without any prior thought or deliberation with myself, I began to notice something rather odd, not because it was new to me, but because it was a stirring of an old feeling ...what was that? ...
My JW feeling of Superiority – that ‘High – Voltage – Stare – In – My – Eye’ attitude seem to fade. Not that I walked around feeling self-righteous, but as a JW we always have that condescending – pity – the – poor – worldly – slobs mentality that often could dominate our thinking without realizing it. Instead, I started to have feelings of appreciation for people, kind thought about what good people they must all be. Sure, I did not know any of them, nor could I be sure some were not guilty of some serious transgressions in their lives, but, instead of seeing ‘high-risk’ worldly people, I saw fellow humans whom were no wore than me, and maybe many far better persons than I.
It was a strange feeling, like I had come back to the planet earth from the far reaches of the galaxy where life was almost totally devoid of anything human, and now the fullness of our human experience was rushing in on me. It was as though I had been locked in a cave, and could only get a brief glimpse once in a while through a murky little window, and now the whole cave was opened up, and daylight spread everywhere as I was emerging into a lush spring day.
Then, two young men asked to take their seats next to me. I got up to let them in. As the plane started to take off, we began conversing. I had noticed one of them reading a medical book. He explained that he was out of school for a few weeks, but would be starting his second year of medical school. He was planning on specializing in neurology. The other fellow, I presume his friend, was going to major in Law. Both seemed very bright and had a lot of optimism. We discussed my field of engineering and practice in nuclear power. It was so refreshing to talk and not feel obligated to try and spew out my sales jargon about JWs. That entire flight was like a milestone for me, and one I cannot forget, because it was the first step in connecting with my fellow humans without Watch Tower filters on my mind.
What about non-JW relationships today? Over the years, most of my new friends have never been JWs. The rest are former JWs. I have learned that when I build relationships with people now, it is based on things in common and mutual between us, but mostly, it is based on how we seem to ‘mesh’ as individuals, how we make each other feel, and the trust, loyalty, and love are not conditioned upon membership in some organization, but on what we as individuals have as bonds between us. That is so refreshing and satisfying to have, and know that when the ‘chips are down’ they are there, and not ready to judge, but to help and be supportive.
What if the person is not on my same plane of thought?: At first, this question came up from time to time. I wondered whether I could be close friends with someone who not only is not a Christian, but is an atheist or agnostic. There have been some people I have gotten to know who are very different from me in many ways. They are politically aligned in the opposite direction from me, or they engage in social activities that do not interest me, or their lifestyle is grounded in the Gay community.
I have found that a relationship is just that. We do not have to judge or impose our views or standards upon one another, but can get along with mutual respect while maintaining our personal boundaries. My atheist and agnostic friends do not damn me for believing in God. My Gay co-worker does not require that I engage in homosexual behavior. My Jewish real estate broker does not expect me to chant prayers in Yiddish on the Sabbath. My Korean business partner does not try to induce me to bow to Buddah. My good Hindu friend and former engineering manager does not make me eat vegetables. And my long time Sik investor does not require that I wear a turbin. They all accept me for who I am, as they expect to be accepted. Now I fully understand what Jesus was teaching by associating with all types of people. Jesus not only was open to people of various religious backgrounds, but to various situations, be they a prostitute, tax collector, rich, poor, or whatever.
All of these friendships are built on something that transcends organizational affiliation and social labels. . It is good to build relationships on my own terms, and not guided by some group of leaders that I don’t know and never met, namely in this case the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Instead, my relationships are based on very personal and intimate human emotions as I connect with people around me, and are not the business of some religion to control – but are strictly my own business and that of the people I am involved with. It is so good to freely appreciate and love people for who they are, and feel safe to bond with them.
Amazing