Going to a Kingdom Hall after almost 6 years for a funeral

by Soledad 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • Soledad
    Soledad

    An elderly JW lady that I love dearly passed away this week. I didn't find out until today when I called my mom. My father knew but didn't tell me when I spoke to him on Wednesday---nothing to do with JWism, he's just forgetful.

    She was already cremated, and I believe that her youngest daughter will take back the ashes to Maryland so she can bury her mom next to her dad. I feel bad that I couldn't see her one last time. I hear her hearty laugh over and over again in my head. She was a very warm and loving lady, larger than life. She was the last in her family to become a JW; she was previously a Catholic. I'm not sure of the exact year that she got baptized, but she was 79 years old when she did it, so it must be just about 9-10 years ago.

    I remember that day. She needed a bit of help getting into the pool and out again but she was fine. It was really special, even I thought so.

    She was the type of person whose door was always open. She didn't need an advance phone call. You could just drop on in and say hello, and she would always greet you warmly, wearing her flowered aprons and beaded necklaces. She would always have a fresh pot of coffee on and some cookies and donuts. She would never let you walk out of her house without a bagful of something, be it books, old cassettes, clothing, costume jewelry, food. Throughout the years that my mother would pick her up for the meetings she always handed over a bagful of some food for me and my brother as soon as she got into the car. She got me wayyy into pork rinds for a while . That was the only thing that made me look forward to Tuesday night meetings.

    She stuggled to go out into field service, but whenever she could she did. She was over 80. She usually accompanied my mother's book studies. Occassionally she would read something out of the bible. I didn't know at first, but I found out that she had only learned to read when she was in her 40s. So she kind of struggled a bit with the reading but she did her very best. At the WT and bookstudy too.

    I cant believe she's gone.

    So tomorrow I guess there will be some kind of service for her at the local KH. I invited myself over. My mother didn't at all suggest that I should be there, I just asked her what time was it and she said 2:00pm. I said "Im going" and that's that. I think I should arrive maybe 45 min to 1/2 hour early in case my mother is forgetful. Not that she lies, but she "forgets."

    Oh and I'm not interested in what the JWs from my old congregation think or say. I DA'd over 5 years ago. I'm going because I want to, for a moment, remember this remarkable lady. She was the EMBODIMENT of true Christian spirit. I hope noone forgets that. She was not judgemental of anyone. She never shunned anyone. She welcomed everyone into her life, especially the ones that everyone else rejected. She KNEW what it meant to be a true follower of Christ, and she LIVED it.

    May she rest in peace. Te quiero siempre Marina.

    PS I may never look at a bag of pork rinds and not think of her for as long as I live!

  • TMS
    TMS

    Soledad,

    Thank you for a beautiful post recognizing one of many dear souls who, for one reason or another, became one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

    It is so important to simply do what we know is right in showing our respects for such a life, even if that involves placing ourselves in an uncomfortable situation.

    TMS

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    There's a few generous souls like your older friend sprinkled around the organization. She sounds like a wonderful giver from her heart.

    I'll bet you'll need to get to the service early -- just to get a seat in the hall. It should be packed with people who viewed her as their best friend.

  • Xandria
    Xandria

    ((Soledad)):

    Ella siempre vivirá en en el corazón y será un pedazo de que usted está en la vida. Por sus experiencias con ella usted había aprendido lo que significó para ser una persona sinceramente maravillosa.

    X.

    Translation: She will always live on in your heart and be a piece of who you are in life. By your experiences with her you had learned what it meant to be a truly wonderful person.
  • lastcall
    lastcall

    Soledad...sorry for your loss.

    I still attend JW funerals when someone I cared about passes. Or when someone I care alot about looses someone in their family.

    I am not DA'd and the JW's always end up showing up more at the house after I attend a memorial talk.....but I refuse to let that keep me away from paying my respects.

    There are many people that I still love at the KH...it's difficult.

    Best Wishes

    LC

  • Soledad
    Soledad

    Thanks everyone for your kind words.

    So today I went to the service. Many people were there, especially from her family. At the entrance to the hall there were tables with photo albums and frames of her. Her younger daughter made up a pamphlet with her photo on the front cover and a short bio. That was also distributed inside the hall, but only 1 per family. There were also mini-collages displayed along the walls. The photo albums contained pictures of her dating back to 1939. There was even a hand-written recipe for turkey stuffing displayed on the front cover. She loved to cook and was excellent at it.

    Her picture was also on the back cover to the February 8 1997 Awake magazine. She was so well loved by so many people.

    The talk only lasted about 30 mintues; half was in Spanish and another half in English. The speaker took only 3 minutes to speak about her. He called her a "modern day Dorcas" (which I concede she was) But the rest of the talk was focused on the JW reason for why people die (Romans 5:12) what condition the dead are in (Ecclesiastes 9:5) why we should be "happy" about death (Ecclesiastes 7:1,2) and how JWs should be "steadfast, immovable" (1st Corinthians 15:58). In other words, do more and more and more until the very end. The speaker specifically emphazised how she would do phone preaching when she couldn't go out into field service. I felt my stomach turn.

    The service concluded with song 15. Then an overly flowery prayer that I didn't even bother to listen to.

    Some of the folks said hi to me, at least the ones that don't know me too well. The congregation has merged with another and the Hall is in a different location now. The people who have known me for years ignored me, except for a few. One is the wife of an elder who is very very kind. However while I was flipping through the albums she just had to ask "when are you coming back?" I paused and didn't really want to say anything but she insisted. I simply said "maybe (never)." Another sister I knew for years also asked if I was returning. I simply said no. She said she didn't really want to either (she has been drifting for at least 10 years.) but she scoffed when I told her I would be glad to visit her at her home (she lives in the same building as my cousin). I don't really intend to visit her, I just wanted to see her reaction . She just looked at me and said that "for my mother's sake." I should reconsider. I didn't say anything but I gave her a look that pretty much said it all.

    I also signed the guest book at the horror of the brother-attendant. He would ask everyone to sign, but he would not say anything to me. I just picked up the book and signed my full name and address. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his face turn red. That was cool.

    My mother got prominent mention in the pamphlet and photo albums. She cared for this lady as if she were her own mother. My mom is very depressed. One thing I didn't know was that the lady constantly asked about me. I didn't know. My mom never told me. But I always told my mom to let her know how much I loved her and that I always thought about her. I feel bad that I hadn't seen her in so long. I should have gone to see her. I regret in now. If anyone of you have relatives or friends that you have not spoken to in a while, take the time out to call or visit. Just do it. It's too late once they are gone.

  • Garnet
    Garnet

    ((Soledad)) I am deeply sorry for your loss - It's too bad that the service wasn't more personalized towards her life and what she did, instead, they do really turn it into an opportunity to sell. I am sure that she was a remarkable woman, actually, from what you describe, she sounds like my Grandmother.

    May she rest in peace and may you find comfort in your friends & family during this time.

    Garnet

  • asleif_dufansdottir
    asleif_dufansdottir
    So today I went to the service. Many people were there, especially from her family. At the entrance to the hall there were tables with photo albums and frames of her. Her younger daughter made up a pamphlet with her photo on the front cover and a short bio. That was also distributed inside the hall, but only 1 per family. There were also mini-collages displayed along the walls. The photo albums contained pictures of her dating back to 1939. There was even a hand-written recipe for turkey stuffing displayed on the front cover. She loved to cook and was excellent at it.

    This is wonderful. I am amazed that this was allowed (I bet it would have never happened at our hall - creature worship, you know), but I'm so glad they did it!

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