MPD Multiple Personality Disorder Question

by Celtic 7 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  Celtic

  AJN just brought back some memories with her/his? post on depression in the congregation.

  Did anyone else here ever experience either as a witness or since leaving, MPD?

  For many many years from around 17-25 specifically I used to go through an extraordinary rapidity of mood swings. Each of these 'swings' happened at least 5-10 times per day. Each 'swing' of mood in itself would go through the complete spectrum in approximately 50 mins to one hour, 15 or so in total, each distinctly different from the last phase I was in. On the happy estatic end I was whooping and hollering with joy, whilst every 3 minutes or so, a new feeling or wave of consciousness would sweep through me, in total control of my personality. As some here know already, and not wishing to frighten anybody, at age 14 I was smashing my head against the wall repeatedly, just to try to block out the fears, usually demonic fears, to try to commit suicide, anything to block out the pain. At the worst end of the negative scale I had anger which quickly turned into rage, then a much more heightened form of rage and then what I used to call phase 1, 2 and 3 of demonic rage, over which I felt I had no control and felt just dreadful. 2 hours later or so, the whole process would start again. I knew back then it was because I was so terribly frightened by the immediacy of events unknown that might happen to me. On top of this I had trapped nerves at the top of my neck, which caused sensations of stunning blinding pain in the back of my skull. To this day, I still have indentations (2) in my skull. The pain was excrutiating often. At least a dozen times a day I would get this year in, year out. I thought that what my mother told me about me being demon possessed must be true. Of course, it goes without saying, that outside help from professional psychologists or otherwise was completely off limits.

  Did anyone else here suffer at any one time MPD symptoms and would like to write about it?

  Kindest regards

  Mark
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  cruzanheart

  (((((Mark))))) I'm so sorry. I hope all that has been resolved for you to some extent. I don't have any personal experience with MPD, though, but I'm sure someone on this board can help.

  Nina
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  Yerusalyim

  Mark,

  My wife has a Dissociative Identity Disorder...what you're describing doesn't sound like DID (formerly MPD)...it might be a dissociative disorder of some kind but sounds more like a bi-polar disorder. MPD is almost always caused by EARLY childhood trauma which is usually repetitive...many with DID are Child abuse victims.

  Any specific questions?

  Michael
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  Lady Lee

  Mark

  Yeru is correct. It does sound more like a dissociative experience probably closer to the "floating" experiences that many ex-cult members experience.

  It is also possible that some of the pain is being caused by some damage caused when you used to hit your head.

  A physical might be in order to rule out or deal with any physical trauma to the head. If nothing shows up with the physical tests you might want to see a counselor experienced in dealing with emotional/psychological trauma
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  Mystery

  I don't know anything about MPD; but I agree with Michael regarding it sounding like bi-polar.

  My 15 yr. old son is bi-polar and he had/has a lot of the symptoms that you have described. Attempts of suicide, doing anything to not have to think because he was depressed. (He was not raised a JW.) At 13 he was completely uncontrollable. He, like you, had a negative scale that would quickly turned into rage. Rage to the point of me being afraid for my husband and his brother. He began using pain killers to ?feel good? and when those stopped ?helping? he overdosed.

  I looked for help for over a year. Doctors telling me that he needed to be in a mental institution. Police officers telling me to put him in boot camp or the detention center.

  He is diagnosed with Stage 4 Bi-Polar and ADHD. We finally found a mental hospital that wanted to help instead of lock him up. He is on med?s now (3 types). 95% of the time he is just a typical 15 year old confused about how to grow up. 5% of the time he shows his ?demon? side. He isn?t a demon and neither are you.

  He has a mental imbalance that has nothing to do his attitude or him not wanting to be happy.

  I am assuming that you have found help and are no longer going to the meetings.

  It really scares me to think of what I would have done with my son if I had of still been a ?good little dub?.

  Even though I was not to the extreme mentally that my son is, growing up a dub I was depressed and several time thought about (and attempted) suicide. Going to his therapy has helped me work out some of my issues.
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  SanFranciscoJim

  I am very familiar with MPD, and what you describe isn't it. People who suffer from multiple personalities experience distinct changes, and often times are unaware of them. Each personality often has its own name, and its own set of memories. In many cases, the personalities do not communicate with each other without very intensive therapy. MPD can be brought on by abuse, but other traumatic childhood experiences can trigger it as well. Currently, MPD is not completely curable, but those aflicted with the psychosis can, in many cases, lead relatively normal lives if properly treated.

  How do I know this? My father was an MPD. It was a bizarre childhood for me and my two brothers, waking up each morning wondering "Who is daddy going to be today?"

  What you describe sounds very much like a form of bi-polar disorder (manic depression). There are tests that a competent psychiatrist can give to determine if this is a correct diagnosis. If so, there are many medications available on the market to control the mood swings and accompanying disorientation.

  Please visit a competent physician or psychiatrist for a correct diagnosis. There is no more shame in suffering from a psychological ailment than there is in suffering from a physical one. The world of medicine has made extraordinary strides in the field of mental health in the past decade. You can live a life of relative normalcy.

  How do I know? I am bi-polar. I have been on medication for more than a decade. Although I still have mood swings, they are not as debilitating as they once were. Even though mental illness carries a stigma with it, and I know I am taking a chance by "outing" myself as a bi-polar, if it will encourage someone else reading this to seek treatment, then it is worth it. Besides, thanks to my "illness", I have led a far more interesting life than I likely would have had I been born "normal".
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  Lady Lee

  Some really excellent info here Mark.

  Sounds like you need to find a good professional to help you figure out what the problem is and then to help you find a way to deal with it
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  Celtic

  Cheers everyone for your replies and aye, lots of useful advice. I would like you all to understand though that these events I described are within the timeframe given, not now, it's over 12 years since things were really like that. Of course in the past 12 year period of time there have been other recovery issues to wade through, overcome obstacles, since leaving in April '95. But thats all in the past, no, I think this in my head space these days maybe will be as good as it gets and better, and as many will testify, I don't do bad at all these days.

  Btw, no I most certainly do not go to any meetings, though recently I have been thinking of attending a christian church again, but that's another story and I digress.

  It must have been mid summer '98 when I first went to seek psychological counselling, where just about everything spilled out, and I mean Everything. Five in total working as a team including one psychiatrist. I was pushing my brain to the absolute limits with them, turned out as of that time, I was only one of ten people in the country to try what in my head I was doing. I was told that I could easily qualify as being a leader in the techniques used in mind control, been there I suppose, done that.

  The very indepth counselling helped/enabled enormously, my yardstick question always which I have to answer with ruthless honesty to myself, 'Am I happy?', and if not, I want to find out friggin well why, and know afterwards, so in future, unnessasarily, I' don't need to go down the same route again. Pointless excercise doing it. Beating ourselves up.

  Anyway, tis all a load of b*****ks, I'm not ruddy perfect, no, nor never will be, not at this ruddy rate. I get my off days, a time to turn into a hermetical state and reflexively think about it all, to be satisfied with myself that I got this far and learn to just beeeeee, more often.

  Whats a balmpot to know anyway.

  Kindest regards to onen hag oll.

  And thank you everyone.

  Hey yerusalem, you're a mean looking machine, you remind me of my big mate Joe, same facial expression, take it as an inverted compliment, to read more of him though, see my next post in Friends.

  Cheerio

  Mark

  http://www.can-online.org.uk (to give me at least some respectability to my state)