How long did you all wait before telling new friends or someone you are or were dating that you used to be a witness? How did they react? If you did tell them do they make jokes at you every so often about it 😊 is it best not to tell people?
Friendship
by Freedom rocks 9 Replies latest jw friends
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pale.emperor
I tell everybody. People are actually very interested when they hear i was in a cult. I depends how you do it. Im very outgoing and welcoming to people and let them see that side of me. If/when the conversation switches to family or when we were kids i mention that my family dont have anything to do with me or that i never did brithdays or xmas. Which ALWAYS means they'll ask why and so i tell them i was in a cult.
It's a great un-witnessing opportunity when you get to tell them how you've been disowned simply for leaving.
People make jokes sometimes but then im the first one to joke about it. It all depends how you go about it. If you own it there's no shame at all.
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dubstepped
I tell everyone and am very open. It's a fascinating story and people are genuinely interested. When you're open and vulnerable people respect that. The occasional person is overwhelmed by the sadness of shunning and kind of shuts down and tries to change the subject so just let them and move on, but most people will respect you for standing up even with such dire consequences.
My wife and I have way more friends now than we ever did in the cult where everyone refers to others as "the friends".
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Shezzy
Sad. Its like dying. Admitting you were dooped by cult.
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DesirousOfChange
Dating doesn't apply since we're still together and don't plan any changes to that.
New friends (very few and far that they are), we don't see the need to inform them of that part of our past. Being members of a Cult has affected enough of our lives, no need to have it be a part of our "new" lives. Frankly, the new friends can't understand that sh!t anyway. And that is why it's so great to have "new friends" here who do understand the unusual issues we all faced upon learning TTATT.
The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!
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finallysomepride
I always tell straight away
Have had some very awesome compassion sex
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mentalclarity
I tell people right away. I don't get into all the nitty gritty at once, but say something like "I was raised as one of JW's and my family are all JWs". Honestly, I've never had someone "run away". I think it's the way you present it - I don't play victim..I don't talk about how it ruined my life,etc. Think of a person who just got divorced and talks incessantly about their ex..yeah, I don't do that. It's something that was part of my life, but not anymore and I have alot of other much more interesting stuff to talk about now.
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Giordano
I bring it up when appropriate to a conversation.
Since my wife and I have been married for 54 years, and still counting, we are asked by friends how we met and how we have kept the marriage going this long (just lucky I guess).
So I tell them we met in a cult. Using the word 'Cult' is a trigger. "What do you mean, which cult, holy shit!, what cult....... your both so normal."
Then I give them a run down on the ins and outs of being a JW.
In general they know very little about the JWs and what they believe.
Now while I know a number of JWs in our community (Small city of 7000) everyone knows everyone or know's someone who knows....and so on.
What staggers many is the two witness rule re child sexual abuse. The usual response is "You've got to be kidding!" or the more profane "Get the fu#*k outer here". Generally it pisses off people.
I then bring up the ban on blood, discouragement of higher education.......": "no wonder they sound like morons".... and the possibility that your local JW has already picked out your house to move into........ after Armageddon. See above for reactions.
It doesn't take much to trash this religion. Just speaking truth to power does it every time.
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carla
I am embarrassed to tell people that my husband is a jw. When I do they usually say something to the effect of, "oh, I always thought he was smarter than that". It is often too long and hard to explain that anyone could fall victim (even willingly) to a cult. I try not to mention it, ever, if possible.
When I must explain the cult I too do as Giordano and try to use it as an anti witness opportunity. I bring up the things most people will be horrified by and now we can add some humor when I tell them to look up pillowgate
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humbled
With new acquaintances I soon would bring up my recent leaving of the JWs because it loomed large in my life in the beginning. If a person was surprised or curious that l had embraced that particularly odd religion, l filled them in on how their program recruits, seduces, corrupts and sometimes expels members. AND heartily discourage them from ever accepting a free home Bible study!
Ten years on I rarely mention it. Of course, it has had a residual impact on my life —crissakes, every action I took for 22 years was based on bullshit I bought from the WBTS.
But being an XJDub doesn’t cloud my days anymore. And according it doesn’t come up in conversation—unless I think someone is in danger of accepting a free home Bible study!