by fader 3 Replies latest jw friends
Hi everyone! I've been lurking for a while because I couldn't log on, but I'm glad to be back, with a new log-on. I used to be in Uganda, now I'm in Togo, and let me tell you: best way to fade from the 'troof' is to move to Africa. Couldnt' even tell you where my publishers card is right now! I'm free and I love it.
Best wishes all, I'm so stoked to be back!
fader aka Freedomrules
best way to fade from the 'troof' is to move to Africa. Couldnt' even tell you where my publishers card is right now!
LOL. I think you've got something there. Welcome back.... great name.
I remember you. Welcome back fader.
Thanks! You have no idea what a solace this board is to me. Like I said, I live in Togo. Even though I'm far from home, this board makes me feel like I'm connected to the world, on top of being able to communicate with people who understand my background and the lingo.
As a reminder:
I was raised a JW, my parents converted when I was 4, so it's all I know. When I was 14 I got baptized, because all the kids in my circuit were and because my sisters wanted to and they were younger than me so I had to beat them to the punch. I tried really hard to be a good Witness, studied like a fiend, even tried to drop out of school so I could be a regular pioneer. I desperately wanted to go to Bethel, and was always mad that single women couldn't go. I did temp work at the Branch in Italy for a while. Then when I was 17 (I think), I confessed to the elders that I had made out with a boy (including some heavy petting) and I was privately reproved and had my privileges removed. I continued to study diligently and started having my own doubts about different things (I had one of the best WT libraries outside of Bethel, I swear!). At 18 I decided I had enough. I moved to India with my parents and started to skip meetings and basically acted like a spring that'd been held back for 18 years. I did everything I was told not to do my entire life. And believe it or not, I finally started to like myself! I realized that for years I'd lived as a hypocrite and hated myself (that's why I attempted suicide at 16). Realizing I didnt' need to be a Witness freed me, and made me happy, something I hadn't felt my whole life. I felt lost for a while, and then I went back to the US and went to college. I bought a copy of Crisis of Conscience and surfed the web and found others like me. I was afraid of apostates for so long. My best friend from the Cong in Rome started to fade at the same time as me, and we really helped each other out. She was a lot older than me and a former RP. Everyone said she was a bad association so I was automatically drawn to her.
So I went to college and met the man of my dreams (and married him) and now I live and work overseas and love my life and myself, all because I lost the shackles. My whole family are still in, although my Dad got disfellowshipped in July (I mentioned that back when I was Freedomrules). He's about to be reinstated, my sisters are RPs, one sister married a bethelite; they go to Patterson every month as temp workers. My other sister, I found out today, is dating an elder from some cong in Arizona.
I hope they're happy. I don't think all of them are. When you've lived the nomadic life we've lived, the religion can be a real source of community (my sister told me as much) and they don't feel like they have anywhere to go.
I felt that way at the beginning, but it's been 8 years now, and my life is better than I ever imagined. The Society tries to give us this crap about how ex-witnesses are miserable and poor and hate themselves. Well quite frankly, they were wrong on all three counts when it comes to me.
Here's wishing everyone is as happy as I am to be free!
fader
