In a surprize cost cutting move, the Watchtower Society announced today that a large number of congregational
elders would be replaced by parrots, trained to randomly repeat:
"Armageddon, Armageddon!",
"Worse and worse!" and
"Faithful slave, faithful slave!"
The birds will also be trained to respond to the phrase "personal problems" with
"Meetings, service, prayer".
Additionally, senior members of the Writing Staff will also be replaced with colorful macaws - in a move
seen as maintaining the present level of intellectual rigour in defense of Watchtower doctrines that most Witnesses
have come to expect.
Finally, savings are predicted in the planned parrot replacement of the Governing Body, using shredded magazines
to line cages and saving significant expense on care and feeding , as old birds replace those now redundant.
metatron ( squawk!)