Should I take the high road?

by smurfy 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  smurfy

  Ok, my fiance freelife already posted on here that his father called him on Saturday to let him know he's having surgery on his back. This call come after months of absolutely nothing!! I did meet them once and of course they were completely nice to my face and totally opposite behind my back, which I guess is not surprising since in their eyes I am corrupting their son. They told me they wanted to meet my 5 yr old son and have never even tried to meet him. It really aggravates me and just makes me wonder when we have kids of our own what will they be like? So anyways, I wanted to get some ideas of people who may have been through something like this. Or even if you haven't. Do I offer my help to them? Do I volunteer to help if my fiancee goes over after his surgery? I can' see them ever offering any help to us no matter what happened.

  My other coniving thought is to let them know that I too have to have surgery. Granted, mine is minor outpatient surgery that sounds like alot more than what it really is. But I have to have precancer cells removed from my cervix and I thought.. hmmmm... maybe have Clint call them and let them know and see what they say and do. I don't want anything from them but to be treated like a human being and for them not to try and brain wash my fiance. Or make him feel guilty for the choices he has made.

  Anyways, I am done ranting now....I think. If you have any advise, good or bad, please let me know. Thanks soooo much!!!
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  Maverick

  If you read my reply to your husband you know how I feel about this. The poor man has some anger, and rightly so! With a letter spelling out his feelings he leaves the matter in his fathers hands. If the father is sincere, he will reach out, if not well....

  These people are dysfunctional, and made so by the WTS. Which is a totally dysfunctional group. They are a printing corporation pretending to be a religion. They have NO HEART! It is a business with the members reduced to congs in a big machine. If a cog breaks...(is not doing what they need from it) they discard it and replace it!

  It is often after being discarded by this loveless company that a person wakes up and see how stupid he's been. I wish you both peace! Maverick
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  garybuss

  Smurf, These are issues and questions of children of abusive parents. No healthy family has anything like these issues we have. All the answers are as personal as the questions. We all have to do that which we feel is right at the time.
  
  I am pretty sure these parents of abused and neglected adult children will deny they were abusive or negligent if they are like my parents. It seems to me abusive people usually project. Every beating my mother gave my brother and I were our own fault and when I told her I hated her, she curled up in a ball and cried until my dad got home from work and he made me apologize to her. That was her pattern, she would go from abuser to victim and then back to abuser. In the end she found prescription pain pills and she would stay in bed for three days a week. The rest of the time she was in zone land.
  
  I continued making duty visits until I was 50 when I confronted them both about the book publishing company and their treatment of my brother and I. I asked my dad if he knew of the abuse our mother gave my brother and I. He indicated he did and approved and he told my mother I was talking about her abuse. She told me if THEY had known I was unhappy as a child, they'd have put me in a foster home. That was 1995. They are 83 and 84 now and have not called me or visited since 1995. In fact they had not called or visited me for years before that incident.
  
  Once years later I stopped to see if they were okay and they left me standing outside and my mother was still screaming at me from inside the house. Just plain nuts. And the Witnesses see them as the okay ones and see me as the sick one.
  
  In many ways we are damaged from their treatment. We wanted a good childhood but they prevented it. Now we want to be good adult children but they are preventing it. We don't want any more tough decisions but they are forcing them. All we can do is cope and go on. Best wishes. I hope it all ends well. GaryB
  
  
  
  
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  Dawn

  After years of helping out my family every time they needed something - only to get slammed about being DF'd again and again......my recommendation is DON'T HELP!! If he's a 'dub let his dubbie friends help him out.

  You sound a lot like me in that you want to help people and hope that they will respond to the good that you show them. But the dub people are brainwashed and it doesn't help. Instead, offer your hand of support to someone else that really could use the help. I have quit going out of my way to help my family, instead, I help charities and people in my church that need (and appreciate) the help.
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  Maverick

  Both Gary and Dawn bring out good points! JW's are taught to take from worldly people. After all your dead...God just has not killed you yet! To them you are suckers! And they think it is funny that you are so dumb that you don't know your dead! Few of the die-hard WatchTowerites will ever appreciate anything you do for them for very long! As soon as their back on their feet and with their own kind...you are history! Maverick
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  Robdar

  This is just my opinion, nothing more: I think that you should help out. To do the same to them that they are doing to you would make you no better than they are. Kind people are kind to others because it is their nature to be kind. They are not kind only because of what they can get from others. Examine yourself first. What they think or do should not matter. You might even show them a better way.
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  LittleToe

  You tak the high road and I'll tak the low road, and I'll be in Scotland before ye...
  Oh, I already am, ah well...

  Go with your gut and be yourself
  Regardless of whether or not they love you or hate you, they will grudgingly have to respect you.
  And if not... it's their loss.

  (((((Smurfy & Freelife))))

  (Edited to add hugs)
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  smurfy

  Well I think that Clint has decided to write a letter to his parents to let them know how he feels. I think thats good because they just like to beat him down in person or on the phone so he will hopefully at least be able to get his points accross. As for me, I knew that when you got married the whole in-laws thing was always a mess but I never imagined having to deal with people like these. It's funny because my best friend is also getting married and her grandma is an active dub but she is the nicest lady in the world. She still talks to her gay son, drunk daughter, and various other "misfit" relatives. She used to send me clothes and toys for my son all the time, just because she met him once and thought he was adorable. Then there's my fiance with these two faced parents that would rather worship some cult than care about their family.

  My heart goes out to anyone who has these kind of families to deal with. I would love to be adding to my family and having more people in my extended family but thats ok. I have friends and some of their families who accept us so that makes up for it.

  By the way. If anyone wants to come to our wedding and be my adoptive in laws that'd be great!! LOL