Witness's Holly Mission
- Give the Governing Body all our possessions, money and worldly goods. Everything, even little Billy's college tuition and the big 5 gallon penny jar that most people have, but never actually get around to counting.
- Go out into the world and beg for money to give to the
Governing Body. If begging doesn't seem to be working then con people by saying it's for a world wide preach work. If they still won't fork over the loot and no one is around simply rob them. ( If it comes to this last option, also be sure and take any vital internal organs that can be sold on the open market)
- Submit totally to the governing bodys sick and deviant sexual whims. ( Old Women only )
- Be ready to give our lives for the governing body at a moments notice, after all, they do so much for us in return. Also since we were stupid enough to get suckered into joining a cult, we probably were not doing that much with our lives anyway.
- Find new members for the cult by use of pamphlets, flyers, hypnotism, subliminal advertising, loose sex ( for finding new recruits only ), peer pressure, classified advertisements, chat rooms, books (such as Sum Dum Guy's best selling science fiction books), and never discount outright lies. Also, if no one is around to see, blunt force trauma, followed by forced abduction with anal probing is always a viable means of recruitment.
- Destroy any and all enemies of the cult, as listed below. Knowing that in Gods infinite wisdom as directed throgh the govening body, the the governing body of Jehovah's Witness's only put them here on our planet to test our faith and determination to keep a sound mind and not be idiots.