Part Three In The Another Guy series (jw dating non-jw)

by Another Guy 6 Replies latest social relationships

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  Another Guy

  Well here I am again if you haven't already read my story here are my first two major posts:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/61246/1.ashx

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/64338/1.ashx

  Now that your up-to-date lets continue.

  We broke up on new years eve and it was on good terms (I thought), But for the first couple of weeks she wouldn't talk to me then on and off she would talk a bit. Then we started writing letters to tell each other how we felt about things. Then a couple of weeks ago I asked her if she wanted to buy me lunch because she owes me a couple and we were starting to get on a little better. But she said she couldn't and I had this strange gut feeling so me being me pursed it only to find out it was a guy who is her new boyfriend(who is jw), I was/am pretty upset because firstly she wouldn't talk to me about what happened between us and she wouldn't even try to sort things out so we can be friends, she just wants me to forget it all and get on with my life, then secondly I was cut because she wouldn't even listen to why I couldn't just join the wt instead she'd rather go off with this other guy and now doesn't have time to sort this crap out with me. I know alot of you are thinking this guy just has to move on but there is a lot of things I have been left wondering now like all the stuff she said about wanting to find the truth(religion wise), and how she said she loves me and cares about me. Now she won't even tell me how long she has actually been with this guy, what am I supposed to think???

  Well it has today officially affected my work(we work together), I was called into the office by my boss(who knows a bit about whats happening) who basically said get over it your work performance has dropped and something gotta change. Well I explained how he doesn't understand because it's not just another normal breakup. So i'm taking a weeks holiday to sort out my house, finances and mind and by the loks of things I might try and buy me a small business and Get On with my life following Christ like a true Christian should.

  Also I must add one thing that really helped me through this(besides Concerned Mama) is listening to a band by the name of Planet Shakers, these guys rock!!!

  Well thats about it, If anyone wants to know more of my experiences please I urge you private message me and id love to help you out!
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  Sneaky Russian

  Nice story
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  concerned mama

  Hello Another guy,

  Remember that song...."Breaking up is Hard to Do"...no wait, you are way too young to remember that song.

  It's especially hard when you work together or go to school together. For most people, you need space to heal and gain emotional separation.

  It's time for me to be tough on you. She's right. You're broken up. Let her go. She has the right to be JW if that is what she wants, and .....it appears she does. Yes, her "head in the sand" behavior is typical of JWs.....but it is her choice. The more you bug her about stuff, the more validated she will feel as a JW, because she has been taught that persecution is to be expected. She's right, she isn't your gf anymore, she doesn't have to listen to you and you have to GET ON with your life.

  As the mother of a teenage daughter, I can tell you that it can get scary to girl when their ex-boyfriends won't leave then alone. It can make them feels touch threatened and stalked. It is creepy to them. Leave her alone.

  Your boss is right, too. Religion and romance haves no place in the workplace. It might not be just a normal breakup, but another guy, no breakup feels normal to the people involved. Don't allow your anger at the Watchtower and her to mess up your job.

  You are such a sweet young man, maybe it's better if you do move jobs and get some separation. You have been struggling with these issues since you broke up 2 months ago, and you are having trouble movong on. Maybe doing it physically, will help. I suspect you need to not see each other AT ALL.

  Go and do something positive for yourself. Join a gym, take a course, stay busy. Be fair, and let her go.
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  Nosferatu

  One of the major problems is you've become involved with a woman you work with. This is one of the worst things anyone can do, unless it's just a part-time job with a huge turnover rate. It's good you've taken a week off to deal with everything going on in your head.

  Now, you've got one a couple more problems:

  she wouldn't even try to sort things out so we can be friends, she just wants me to forget it all and get on with my life,

  Being friends with a girl you broke up with is a bad idea. The issues in the relationship will come back to haunt you. You also have the problem of working with this girl. You have no choice but to be on somewhat friendly terms with her. My suggestion in this situation is focus on her being a co-worker only. No chit-chat about personal lives. Keep it all work-related.

  Now she won't even tell me how long she has actually been with this guy,

  I've got some news for you, her life is no longer any of your business. The two of you aren't married, and your not even dating. You're just back to working with her. Why the hell should she give yout personal information about her life? You don't own her. Her decisions shouldn't affect your personal life because there is NOTHING between the two of you now. There may have in the past, but that's all it is - THE PAST.

  Another thing, if you continue to harass her, she could go to your boss and complain, and you lose her job. Yes, it's HARASSMENT. If you continue to go down this path, you'll end up getting yourself into trouble.

  Anyway, you now know why it's a bad idea to get romantically involved with someone you work with. It makes things difficult at the workplace. I hope you've learned a few things from this whole experience and will make better decisions in the future.
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  jgnat

  Hi, Another Guy.

  So i'm taking a weeks holiday to sort out my house, finances and mind

  That is good.

  Insisting that your old girlfriend separate as friends and talk through all your angst is a bad idea. Starting a small business when you are grieving is a bad idea.

  I attended a mixed divorce recovery group for years. I learned to sympathize with the way men go through separation. Men grieve differently than women. Women cry and talk it out with their girlfirends and seek support and comfort. Men typically "act out", their earning power drops at work, and generally they behave badly. You need to find some positive outlets for your misery, as Concerned Mama has suggested.

  What would Christ have you do? How about shaking the dust off your sandals? You have been rejected, no use moping over the reasons. Dust yourself off and keep on truckin'. I bet there are plenty of xJW chickie babes who would love to get to know you better.

  Once you stop moping.
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  Another Guy

  Things are looking up!!!!

  The day after my post I had a meeting with my church Minister, it was excellent we went a little more into detail then I do on the net for obvious reasons. But he has certainly helped me see things logically. My main issue was closure I realised I have two options, one ask if she will give me the answers that i require for closure or two create my own closure. Well she is going to have coffee and offered to give these answers and I do realise if I don't get the answers I still need to create my own closure. I also realised that there can no longer be any friend relationship like she says I just want things to go back to normal and I didn't know how to do that. Well now I know why because it can't go back to normal. I'm also going to make that point. And I guess a reassuring thought is I can do better, Do I really want someone who would treat me like this? My minister also helped me understand how she can get over it easier than I get, She broke up with me and she's been dealing with this for longer than I have. It's not like she just turned around one day and said thats it, she had allready been thinking about it for sometime.

  Thanks everyone for your stern but much needed help!
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  bebu

  Glad to hear that you are taking the good advice here. Your minister has a good head on his shoulders, sounds like.

  Keep going down the road you're on. It's a good one.

  bebu