I was reading an earlier post from people who are still JW's and are basically trapped in their life as they have it now; it got my own mind turning and finding out the exact moment when I decided I was leaving. Quick backstory: Mom is a JW, Dad is a well known apostate (when I was an adolecent and questioning things he asked me if I wanted to speak to Ray Franz, I kid not he had his number), lucky me my sister and I were given into my mother's custody. So in my musings I realized my whole life was somewhat of a dichotomy, I remember my first christmas going to my Dad's house and on my christmas list were bible toys of David, and Samson. But ever since I was about 8 I didn't want to be a JW, it was too much of an inconvinience, my friends that were JW's didn't want to be JW's because it was and inconvinience. As I got older the more of a hassle it became, I couldn't grow long hair (which was the ultimate reason I came in conflict with the elders), I couldn't swear (I now have a mouth that is dirtier than Andrew Dice Clay), I couldn't hang out with my worldly friends, or take lessons in things I wanted to do (like pro wrestling, I'm now a pro wrestler), it all just became too hard for me. It wasn't the doctrine, it wasn't the hypocracy (no matter how much I tell people who ask why I left about what I found out), it was just a lifestyle that I didn't like or want any part of. I could've left earlier, I could've left when I was 13, that would've been too hard though living with my mother all that time through High School. I left when I was 19 a year into college (and the first in my congregation to do it too). I became a pro wrestler and that took my time on weekends and school took all of my time during the week, I was never home to deal with the after effects. But really it was just the last step in my slow drawing out anyway.
People say it's the connections that keep you in. For the most part I believe that, I was in till I was 19 because I had a strong group of friends, then my friend's brother Jose (who was a friend too I guess) was disassociated, then his brother Luis (my best friend at the time), then my younger friend Chris left (the four of us constantly hung out when I was younger). The person I looked up to Joel moved away to another congregation and finally the girl I had a huge crush on and was a very good friend, Crystal was disfellowshipped. I grew my hair long and then the rest of my friends stopped talking to me. That was the end for me, so I guess the point of this whole post is just to say that things are catalysts. You may be in now but it honestly would only take one small thing to put into motion a whole list of things that will lead to your eventual leaving. It's just a matter of what that one thing is. It didn't take courage for me to leave, just an opportunity. Now I'm out, married, happy and at a great job (which I need to get back to) I love my free Tuesday and Thursday nights and Sunday morning, Lord is it great to sleep in. The grass is always greener, so just come to the other side of the fence.