A friend of mine posted this to a list I'm on but has allowed sharing:
Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments.
The following statements about the Bible were written by children.
They have not been retouched or corrected:
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1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis,
God got tired of creating the world, so he
took the Sabbath off.
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2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah
built an ark which the animals come on to in
pears.
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3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but
a ball of fire by night.
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4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout
history they had trouble with the unsympathetic
Genitals.
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5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be
led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
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6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the ax of
the Apostles.
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7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where
they made unleavened bread which is bread
without any ingredients.
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8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to
get the ten commandments.
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9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam
to eat the apple.
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10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not
admit adultery.
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11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle
of Geritol.
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12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when
Joshua told his son to stand still and he
obeyed him.
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13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing
the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins,
a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
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14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives
and 700 porcupines.
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15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of
Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
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16. When the three wise guys from the east side
arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
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17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.
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18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
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19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which
says to do one to others before they do
one to you. He also explained, "a man doth
not live by sweat alone."
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20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the
dead and managed to get the tombstone off
the entrance.
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21. The people who followed the Lord were
called the 12 decibels.
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22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
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23. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was
also a taximan.
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24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He
preached holy acrimony, which is another
name for marriage.
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25. Christians have only one spouse. This is
called monotony.
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