My Great Grand Mother "a chain smoker" first got envolved with the JW's just after WW1. She never really took the bait but by the 1940's my Grand parents were conducting the meetings in their home. My Grandfather (an Elder) raised all his children "in the truth". My parents (both devout JW's) were part of a large family of JW's. So naturally when I was born I entered a world of Kingdom Halls and JW get togethers. By the mid 1970's we were all expecting the end to come ! What a shocker when 1976 arrived ! By 1978 both my Grandparents and about nine of my family were DF'd (various reasons ranging from adultery to apostatsy). My own parents were inactive because the prospects of not being able to talk to their family members was unbearable. By the early 80's I was going it alone! I attended meetings alone, did field service alone and was routinely persecuted by my own family ! By the mid 80's my father was an elder again and our country was envolved in a civil war.
I was a Bethalite by then and recall that I was starting to feel uneasy about the lies and deciet I saw around me.People would smile and greet each other but deep down they hated each other. Any ex bethalite will know what I am speaking about. One day while I was out working, my room was raided by a"cleaning party". I only then found out that they were on a mission to search through everyones personal possesions for items such as "porn" or booze. I shared a room with four others and they had a small stash of rum. I mean it was about enough to fill two cups! It came out at the Monday evening Watchtower study that there were several members asked to leave bethel because of gross misconducted. They were secretly going to night clubs, brawling and fornicating. I couldn't believe it! I remember how some in the audience were crying. I left bethel soon after this to become a pioneer.
I was conscripted into the Army and was sentenced to six yrs labor as a conciencious objector. We were eight brothers together pioneering, encouraging each other and but I was uneasy. As I read through the resolutions at the recent International Conventions it choked me to say :Aye". When Nelson Mandela was freed, I together with about 600 JW's was given amnesty as political prisoners and pardoned by the State. I returned to my home town and pioneered for another year. It was incredibly difficult. With no formal education, no job prospects no money I was really poor. I applied to Bethel again in the hope that I would be able to get my life together agin and at least have some sort of a future.
That was nearly fifteen years ago! I am still waiting for a reply. (The CO who interviewed me had a very nonchalant manner and obviously never processed my application. I called the service desk for about a year and they just told me to contact the CO.)
Eventually I gave up. I stopped pioneering , got a job and devoted my free time to the "quick build" Kingdom Hall projects. By 1992 I was giving talks at Convetions and decided to get married. My wife was not as "strong" as some would have liked but they all accepted her. With new responsibilities and the poor economy I was workning two Jobs. When I couldn't attend all the meetings I was told that It was all my wife's fault. That she was "like saul's wives" who drove a wedge between him and God. I couldn't believe my ears. About six moths later I got envolved in a business deal with and elder . He was someone whom I had known since childhood. He eventually cost me nearly $15K in damages. It was at that point that I just quit.
I played over and over in my mind the old story that "you mustn't look at men" but that you must trust in the organization ! Most people thought I was just stumbled and would get over it!. They were way off base. I had remained faithfull for decades and had just come to realize that I was putting all my energies and "life" to waste.
The story does have a happy ending though. I eventually got a University Degree a good paying job and made excellent friends. My wife and I have't argued in years. She too is free. At first she was on the elders side. (see other posts by me). My Folks though are still devout JW's. They and others still stuff my mailbox with Watchtowers and tracts. About four years ago I went (out of pure curiousity - basically acted on impulse)to the Memorial. It was just the same. I realized that my freedom is more valuable ! I trust there are many who like me are still recovering from the life we once had! I have been out for ten years now and really pity those still trapped. Its hard to say goodbye to family and friends ! But you will recover ! The healing process is just that . Its a process. Fortunately I have sense of humour and am very out going.I have many friends and ahve filled my life with things that make me happy. Thats what got me through it...and keeps me free. Good Luck all, Nadsam