Re: Colorado football coach Gary Barnett

by morrisamb 5 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  morrisamb

  I've written this column on University of Colorado coach Gary Barnett:

  After listening to Colorado football coach Gary Barnett's version of expressing support to an alleged rape victim and reporters asking, yet again, why another ?alleged victim waited so long to come forward,? I?m surprised anyone comes forward at all.

  During the decades since my disclosure, there are times when I wish I had never talked to a detective, the police, a living soul. In fact, the original investigating police in my case recently apologized for saying to me more than twenty years ago, ?Why did you wait so long to come forward.?

  I said, ?You?re right, you should have said, ?I can?t believe you had the guts to come forward.??

  At least he apologized.

  The only people I have no regrets about confiding in are my therapists. And even one of them warned me, ?you are going to be a guinea pig for an awful lot of victims.?

  That truth did not make me feel any better, but it proved to be an understatement for the role of ?trailblazer? is not a role I relish or really thought out.

  I have a female friend who was raped in her early 20s years ago. Only one other person besides myself knows. I told her recently, ?I?m jealous of your silence. Not one person has said an insensitive thing about your experience because of your silence. I couldn?t count how many times I?ve experienced insensitivity.?

  Some examples:

  ?It must have been easier for you to say no, ?cause you were a boy.?

  ?You think you?re special, don?t you.?

  ?I can?t say a bad thing about your molester?he?s always provided bread on the table and clothes on your back.?

  So why do we disclose?

  The truth is, there?s countless reasons:

  - to stop future incidents

  -to protect the innocent

  -to inform the public

  And personally, as much as people have kicked me for going public, I actually should thank them! To do it, I had to transform myself from a mouse to a mouse that roars!

  Much has been said about the co-conspiracy of silence. I suggest, people who treat victims who disclose shamefully, are equally culpable. Is it really any wonder why legions of victims remain silent?

  I really don?t care if Katie Hnida can kick a football. If her disclosure can prevent one other human from being sexually assaulted, her personal discomfort with giving up her silence will be worthwhile.

  Now that I would call a touchdown.
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  Gretchen956

  Well written. The coach was at the very least insensitive and over protective and at worst culpable in covering for his players. In many states these young men have been treated as young "gods" with every whim catered too, many times involving women either exotic dancers or girls from school who wanted advancement at the cost of "being nice" to the members of the team. Is it any surprise then, that we get criminal cases like Kobe Bryant and others? This good old boy system has got to go.

  Gretchen
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  morrisamb

  Thanks Gretchen. I really believe in innocent until proven guilty...ie. Kobe Bryant. In that case, I think it is being tried in the press. The media drives the story too much.

  I agree with your comments. Sports players are treated as young gods. My goal is not to bash, but rather to strengthen victims. I think knowledge is key in this regard.
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  Gretchen956

  The issue, in Kobe's case (I think) is whether she consented or not, which was my point. I believe he believed she did because of "who he is." Whether she did or not is still up to the courts to decide. I truly can't tell you whether he's guilty or innocent. I just used him as an example.

  Gretchen
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  morrisamb

  A good example to use...and conscent is definitely an issue. Whatever the outcome, I hope the media will analyze their role in that case.
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  Pistoff

  This coach is an insensitive idiot; he should LOSE his job permanently. The atmosphere that existed (allegedly) in that clubhouse is consistent with the mindset he evidences: male dominance and NO understanding of how rape can occur in such an environment.