I received the following story from the daughter of a JW woman who decided to accept
a blood transfusions. Clearly, she is interested in evangelizing but her story illustrates
several significant problems in the WTS.
Lee
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LORD HOLD ME UP, My Mother is Dying
On December 25, 2000, my mom died. It was so unexpected. She went into the hospital for a problem; she was having with her leg, after being diagnosed with gangrene and three operations, she died. I wondered why it had to be my mom, the first person in my life to die. I'm 47, I've been thinking a lot about death since I left the Jehovah's Witnesses. I have been attending a non-denominational church for the past few years, but haven't had some of my questions answered scriptually, though there is much talk of heaven and grace, I still haven't found myself longing to go there.
To give you a little of background about me, I was a JW for almost 20 years of my life. I spent my youth promoting what I now believe is a cult. Oh the Guilt and the regret! I spent 16 years married to an abusive JW. That was my demise: his hatefulness and jealousy towards me. He set me up, ruined my reputation with his lies and expected me to stay. I didn't.
On my way out of the JW, I found no love from those who had been my friends for those years. There was no support, just gossip, judging and cruelty. I ended up with a broken spirit. Proverbs 18:14 well describe my feelings "… but as for a crushed spirit, who can bear?" Those who I thought were my spiritual leaders and friends attacked my integrity. I've always believed in God, but my search for a TRUE, LOVING, KIND God began again. That lead me to explain how God was with my mom, my family and me on her way to death.
Upon her entrance to the hospital, my mother met a Christian doctor. At their first meeting he prayed with her. This gave her so much comfort and confidence that she was in good hands. After Dr. Nyreen diagnosed her leg was gangrenous, it was obvious, both her doctor and the home she was living in had neglected her. Thus began the 25-day journey to death then to real life.
I met Dr. Nyreen the next day; my husband, Bob and I met him at the hospital. We let him know mom and I had been JW for many years, and were now out. We had a nice spiritual conversation always including mom and how she had journeyed out of the JW'S. We explained the pain and confusion a person has as they leave the organization of JW. He was so sympathetic and before we departed company we said a prayer together.
Mom's health had been deteriorating for quite some time. Dr. Nyreen wanted to operate and cut out the gangrene, but other Doctors were assigned to her overall health to get her body ready. It took over a week. In the meantime, my Christian brother, Keith and I approached the hospital personnel and made sure they were aware we had power of attorney. We strictly requested that the JW'S did not come in and try to overturn her wishes.
Two years before, when she was in the hospital, they had her sign some papers giving them the Power of Attorney. To say the least we could not understand how they felt they would have her best interest in mind since none of them knew her. We immediately had their authority overturned. Giving Keith the medical POA and I was given durable POA at moms request. At this time, mom was convinced that blood transfusions were wrong. According to the JW'S, it is
unscriptural and a person can be disfellowshipped or shunned or kicked out of the organization for taking one.
Now that mom had not associated with the JW'S, and in her heart did not consider herself one of Jehovah's Witnesses, she would soon have to make a stand. The JW policy has changed over the years, still considering blood transfusions wrong, yet now allowing some blood products, which was unheard of before. Mom was confused. I think an honest JW would have to admit to the confusion. But since the organization does not admit to any conflicts, most JW'S still hold to the no blood transfusion law and carry a card on themselves stating
NO BLOOD for any reason. So in case of an emergency and they are found unconscious, this card serves as a legal document not to administer any blood.
Keith and I talked to mom on this issue of blood and what she felt? She was still a little confused but decided if it came down to saving her life that she would accept one. The doctors upon hearing this immediately ordered 2 pints of blood, her blood count was really low and they ordered tests to see where she was loosing blood. I don't really know how this affected her but I do know that after she took the blood her JW friends never came back.
You see being a JW means all your relationship are based on what you do, not who you are. You never experience love from others nor do you have a personal relationship with God. All your activity, your view and your friendships are based on the works you do. You never lay your head on the pillow at night with a good feeling about your life because tomorrow you have to wake up and work again, because you can loose your relationship with Jehovah with one action or breaking one of the JW'S rules. Mom's decision to take blood was her way of showing others she had taken a true Christian stand, and she was no longer a JW. To even tell you the story of how we came out is a heartbreaking story in itself. I don't have any time for that now.
It would be nice if the story stopped here but you see I have another brother that is a JW. When he saw mom with blood going into her; he got mad stomped out of the hospital. He came back a few hours and fed mom her meal. They talked and seemed to come to some understanding. He never said too much about blood until she began to die weeks later.
Mom had her operation and everything seemed to go well Dr. Nyreen had to leave the wound open on her leg and keep her in ICU until they could do a skin graft on Friday. Blood was flowing down into her leg and foot and that was a positive sign.
In the mean time, churches from all around were praying for mom's recovery. I also got to know Dr. Nyreen better. You see he isn't from Washington state, he moved up here a few years ago after becoming a Christian in San Antonio, Texas. He was now attending a small evangelical church off Portland Avenue. As I learned more about him I realized that God had put him in our lives. You know it is a small world. My brother, Keith and his family lived in San Antonio some years ago, and yes, they attended the same church Dr. Nyreen, did, and
though the timing was off, they shared in knowing some of the same people.
Up to this point I haven't mentioned my oldest son, Rob. He became a strong support in the family, visiting mom daily. He had been a JW and still attends the Kingdom Hall on Sundays, with his wife, in hopes of getting her out. A few years earlier he made the mistake of telling his wife he didn't believe the teachings of the JW's any longer. The thought of loosing your family and friends after a
lifetime, holds many JW'S in fear and frightened, to speak any doubts. If any one were to find out about such doubts, you would be disfellowshipped from the congregation and association with your family. Rob knew could loose it all as I did. Rob accepted Christ as his savior and has been learning to walk with the Lord. He did venture into a church, twice, he went to a church on Portland
Avenue. Yes, the same church Dr. Nyreen goes to. I think the Lord has some plans for them. Only time will tell.
These two co incidents made me start wondering about how God works in
our lives, daily. Many a time, we stay too busy to notice. With my mom in the hospital I had a lot of time to think.
On Sunday morning at 9:15, I received a phone call from the physician that was taking care of mom while she was in ICU. Mom had taken a turn for the worse. She ran a high fever over night and things didn't look very well. I cried and told Bob, "My mom is going to die". I never lost hope or stopped praying, but the tone in the doctor's voice and subsequent conversations afterwards, helped me to realize that I had to depend on God more than ever before in my life. I called all in the family and we met at the hospital. Thus began a spiritual warfare. Why do I say that? Because a house divided cannot stand.
Having a brother, sister-in-law, and a daughter-in-law as Jehovah's Witnesses, made it difficult to openly speak without offending them. Life had not been easy for Rob either and I didn't want to cause him any more pain.
Soon the ministers from the churches, in which we attend, started visiting and praying with us. They even offered prayer in front of the JW'S. Though I realize they did not associate any of those prayers with true worship, they were present to see the faith we now had. Some how I pray that in the future when they stop blaming me for moms' conversion, they may see the Lord as he really is. He was
there for all of us; only those who wanted to benefited from his comfort received it.
We all decided I would stay in the hospital with mom, not only to be there and give her comfort, but I wouldn't have endured not knowing what was going on. I spent nights, crying, praying, and waiting. Mom's fever would not go down and there was an infection, I saw mom's leg, it was turning black and the skin graft didn't take. Dr. Nyreen said we needed to amputate her leg, I agreed. They decided mom was so sick they would keep her on the heart lung machine all night. Late Monday night, another Doctor stopped by to talk to me and asked me some very interesting questions about mom. He said, "Where is your mother's doctor?" "Why is she in this hospital?" and "Why was your mother not seeing a specialist?" He did alarm me that something had gone wrong and someone was responsible. To this day I don't think her doctor knows she died. He will soon know. This doctor also told me he didn't think mom was going to make it. If she did pull through the quality of her life would be terrible.
When mom was admitted to the hospital she told Dr. Nyreen she didn't want to live without her leg. That is why he tried so hard to save it. Every day was heart wrenching, we looked for the positive, but many a time we were disappointed at days end.
Again, the family gathered, for the last time to make decisions, no one wanted to make. The hospital staff watched all of us with each crisis; their support and positive attitudes sustained us, as many we found out were Christians. Some offered prayer, others hope, and they helped us to help mom die. They moved mom from ICU, because they couldn't do any more there. Mom had another blood transfusion to give her oxygen and to give her body a boost. She still had a fever. We became hopeful, but that was short lived.
My JW brother, after seeing mom taking blood denounced it and argued with Keith that he was going to notify the authorities (any of her medical providers) that they were giving mom unnecessary treatment. At first, I didn't understand what he was talking about until I talked with Keith later. He was mad about the transfusion and from that time forward, the battle intensified. I don't really know what state of mind my mother was in since she had not been totally conscious and never did after her leg was amputated. But my brother, his wife and some of their friends came around and talked about being in the "the new order", how one day they would be with her on paradise earth. Knowing she had taken blood would be contrary to their conversations with her. They believe in soul sleep and to break one of the JW laws before death means total destruction, no hope for a
resurrection. To them, mom is in the grave and lost forever. To us Christians, we know she is present with the Lord. It's the only thing that gives us hope in death. Mom had accepted Christ as her savior.
God showed me so much, during that time. He showed me the difference between a Christian and a JW. Christians do many things out of love, not expecting any thing in return, emulating Jesus' example. At the end of your life, God's grace saves us. A JW can lead a Christian life and if they have not "endured to the end", they have no salvation. Salvation is never something you can get until you die. "Probably, you may be concealed in the day of Jehovah's anger:" That probably depends on you even then there is no real assurance you are saved. Never any guarantees, thoughts of constantly working for salvation dominate the JW'S mind. I shutter thinking of the oppression.
I had a friend for twenty years; we were close. After I was disfellowshipped, she never talked to me again. When my mother was dying, She walked right pass me in the hospital and never said a word. She held fast to her judgments. I learned a lot about Love that day or the lack of Love. Where had the love gone? Or was there ever any? It hurts my heart to know, I had once called myself a Jehovah's Witness.
After they moved mom, I couldn't sleep at the hospital. I would stay until late at night when I knew she was rested and the morphine level was controlling the pain. It broke my heart to see her in pain, her body jerking, and the moaning. I talked to mom about heaven, I told her she could go ahead of us and we'd be close behind, because in God's timing this is only minutes. I sang to her the "Our Father Prayer" I learned in High School. I read her the Bible and I cried. They disconnected the food from her on Friday, her stomach quit working weeks before and her intestines were not working either.
I brought some music to keep on all night when I wasn't there. They told us hearing is the last sense to go. She always loved music. By Sunday, mom was still hanging there, her breathing was so gargled, and she was having heart failure with pneumonia. Bob was with me that day. The day before God Sent our pastor to visit us and I asked him to talk to Bob, because he was becoming so irritable with me. I don't know what he said to him but Bob became very peaceful and he helped me with mom's final day. She smiled, and tried to communicate, her best friend called to say good-bye. I held the phone up to mom's ear. She recognized Betty's voice. At one point, mom was coughing up some stuff and the look, I will never forget, It was like her asking me what is going on. I cried to her that she was dying and that there was nothing else I could do, I was so sorry.
We all said our good-byes in our own way, every one except Keith. When we allowed the doctors to disconnect the things not needed for mom, he thought he had said good-bye that was on a Friday. Mom didn't die that easily.
On Christmas morning, Keith was returning from the airport early in the morning and heard a song about angels, and he knew he had to say his last good bye to mom. He prayed with her, sang her Christmas carols and read the Bible to her. I believe mom was waiting for him, because she died that night. I don't think he knows that of all the pictures mom carried in her wallet, there was only one picture of any of us children. That picture is of her holding Keith when he was born. I know God directed Keith to go to the hospital that day. He gave mom her final good-bye.
Before Bob and I, went to see mom Christmas morning, for the last time; we went to Keith's house for breakfast. During breakfast, Jody, my sister-in-law gave me a message from God (though she didn't realize it at the time). She had seen me go through so much anguish, seeking truth in God's word and getting the JW brainwashing out of my mind. Jody said there was a bible study group in Puyallup (BSF) that had an intense study and she thought I would benefit from it. At the time I didn't realize the importance of her words.
When I arrived at the hospital, they had elevated mom and she was struggling with her breathing. She never regained consciousness. I sat there exhausted and watched her. Out of the window, I noticed my JW brother was on his way in. As I expected him to round the corner, a man, a doctor introduced himself to me as Dr. Deyo, he was standing in for Dr. Nyreen. Just then my brother came in. I directed Dr. Deyo into the hall and asked him how much longer was mom going to live? I just wanted her out of the pain. He said no one knows why God allows this to go on. I was so relieved to know he was a Christian. I told him that my brother was a JW and I didn't want to talk in front of him. I also explained I used to be a JW. He told me there was a spiritual battle going on over mom. He wasn't the first to share this thought. In the course of our conversation, he said "you know there is this bible study group in Puyallup (BSF) that would give you what you need." My mouth dropped to the floor, I told him up until today, I had never heard of this, but he was the second person to mention it to me, that very day. He was being used by God to get this message to me. I would come to later realize.
I don't know all the whys, but I do know God has something in mind for my family and me. I am so thankful that both my mom and I left the JW'S when we did. Her time was short and God knew it. I thank him for that.
Mom died an hour after I left her sleeping. I miss her.
God continued to work in our family after mom died. My witness, son Micaiah, is coming around, though he has never shunned me. We were able to spend hours talking, something we hadn't done in years. I was finally able to tell him about salvation through the Lords grace. I don't know if he understands. I just wanted to plant a seed. I'll trust that others will water it, and God will make it grow.
Rob's was able to see the differences between the Christians, as well, and he is now determined to start witnessing to those JW he knows. He is coming out of hiding; he wants to go to that church on Portland Avenue.
The battle continued after mom died. We arranged to have a memorial for mom at my church. None of the JW'S came thought they were invited. On the other hand, the JW'S elders would not let them have a memorial for mom at the Kingdom Hall. Shaming her even in death, they have no respect, since a memorial is for the family, not the person. I've even seen them give memorials for people who committed suicide. I can't understand, how my JW family cannot see the lack of love was out of disrespect for them not mom.
I got mad when I found out none of them would attend her memorial at the church. I angrily told God that if the JW'S were worshipping the true God, I didn't want any thing to do with him. I cried and prayed; the answer to my prayer was "Pray for them". That's what I'm asking you to do, If in anyway this story has touched your heart. Pray for the Jehovah's Witnesses as individuals, that God would lead them out of this oppressive, cruel place and bring them to find the love and comfort of God's grace. If you have not accepted Christ as your savior and you desire to know God's love and comfort of God's grace. It is a very simple matter of prayer. Ask God' to forgive you of your sins and to come into your life as you recognize him as your Lord and Savior. From the time you pray onward, he will guide and direct your life. You'll experience the safety; comfort and love only a heavenly father can give. Through prayer you have personal access to the most powerful source of strength.
I realize I've been a very rebellious person all my life and at my age, it's been the most difficult thing I've ever gone through, I lost what I thought was truth, almost lost my children and now, I lost my mother in death. The Lord is Good. Through those losses, I can say, I still have my children and a closer bond with my family. I have my faith, a wonderful husband, and a God that loves me unconditionally. What a rich blessing it is to know the Lord and see him work in our lives. Accepting him as our Lord and savior invites us to have a life worth living. "A day in your courtyard is worth a thousand spent elsewhere."
Epilogue: Since the writing of this, I have started studying with BSF study group in Puyallup and I am growing and accepting the Lord for who he is. I am ridding my mind of the teachings I was indoctrinated with for 20 years. God has led me into a program called Evangelism Explosion where I can use those 20 years of experience approaching people now with the real truth. I really have to believe that the Lord uses our experiences both negative and positive so he can work in our lives. The most important thing we can do is to allow the Holy Spirit lead us and always listen to his voice.
A few weeks, after I started attending BSF, the Lord led me the answer to why my mother died, at least in part for Rob and myself. We were studying about Judas, Peter and Jesus' prayer to his father before he died. In the lecture, it was brought out that the devil entered Judas, Peter denial of Christ and his lack of faith, and God turning his back on Jesus as he took on the world's sins just before his death. All appeared so negative. Yet, we are encouraged that Peter was restored to faith, forgiven and God accepted Jesus' sacrifice for our sins, restoring mankind who has faith in Jesus to a righteous stand before God. The lecturer brought out that WE will never be indwelt (overtaken) by the Devil and God will never turn his back on us because of the forgiveness of sins Jesus took to the cross. But God will allow difficulty or hard times come upon our lives for the sake of others. At that moment, conviction from the Holy Spirit calmed my heart for I finally understood why my mom died. The Lord used my mom's death to lead Rob and I to the place we could experience his love and grace to the fullest. I also came to understand my mom was with the Lord and for her sake she was in a better place, freed from a sick body and with our father whose love for her released her from the difficulties of this world. She won her spiritual battle. Thanks to the Lord and the prayers of my brother Keith, his family, and others, I am finally walking on the path of God intended for me to walk.
Rob, because of what he has experienced recently, has taken a stand for the Lord. He no longer wants to be known as a JW, which lead his wife to threaten their marriage bond with divorce. After prayer from many and a meeting with my pastor, Rob decided to continue on his stand for God. He felt God was leading him to go to church and get Christian fellowship. His wife has calmed down after someone told her to look for the good in her marriage, and decided to stay for now, but that may be only temporary as each day Rob must depend on the Lord to protect his marriage and the threats the JW's would impose on their marriage.
Rob has been attending Church; yes you guessed it, the one on Portland Ave. Dr. Nyreen, now known, as Mark to us, on hearing of Rob's troubles contacted him, and offered him a discipleship and Bible Study. Rob is real excited. Rob had been praying for a friend, he found one in Mark. Mark also told us that we too were an answer to his prayer. He has been praying for someone he could disciple. It seems to us that God puts us where and with whom he wants. Our faith has been strengthened. Knowing God answers our prayers and sometimes the answer is no, he has shown us, that he is not far from anyone of us. If we would just reach out to him in our times of trouble, he will hold us up and see us through the difficult times in our lives.
If I ever doubted God or my worthiness to be loved by him, it has disappeared. I now look forward to a future. A future knowing there really is a God that cares for us.
Karen Lucretia Henry
[email protected]