Guess what my mom said to me now!

by Joysome 9 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Joysome

  First, let me give you some background. I'm 24 years old 5'7" and I weigh 285. I'm a big girl! So I am currently going through the process of having gastric bypass surgery. I should find out if I'm approved by next week. Anyway, my mom is not happy about it at all. A) She's afraid that I will need a blood transfusion. B.) she's afraid I'll die...but the most important is that she's afraid that once I lose the weight I'll become more attractive to men and I'll meet someone and I won't come back to the "truth"!?!?!?

  Now no where is she considering my health. that being overweight is unhealthy and I could end up with some serious diseases down the road. None of that...just i'm afraid you'll meet a man. Well surprise I'm already seeing someone so how is it going to make a difference. It just hurts that that is one of the reasons as to why she doesn't want me to have the surgery. That she'd think I was that vain!
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  Sentinel

  Any type of surgery, where you are under anesthesia is serious. Perhaps your mom is genuienely concerned about all the issues that come up during surgery, and what decisions you might be faced with. If you and your mom are close buddies, she could be afraid that this will change you and that you will meet some nice man and go off and live your own life. Sounds like a wonderful future to me. Best wishes on your surgery!

  /<
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  Joysome

  If you and your mom are close buddies, she could be afraid that this will change you and that you will meet some nice man and go off and live your own life.

  That's the thing we WERE close buddies and we're not anymore due the fact that I'm disfellowshipped. The only reason she'll talk to me about the surgery is because it's a "business" issue. She even feels guilty about that. that she shouldn't be talking to me about it as much as she should.
• 

  AlanB

  but the most important is that she's afraid that once I lose the weight I'll become more attractive to men and I'll meet someone and I won't come back to the "truth"!?!?!?

  Ohhh My dad does that all the time. Whenever I talk about new things I am doing, things going well at work, developing relationships with girlfriends, his comment is always....

  "Well you are getting yourself deeper into the 'world' and it will stop you coming back into the "truth"..."

  I have to tell him that I do not believe it is the "Truth" and that I am not coming back and he should be glad life is going well.

  I think a lot of witnesses have a real problem seeing ex witnesses doing well outside, they much prefer it if you ended up in some alley somewhere mainlining heroin then they can come rescue you or nod their heads at how evil the world is. I think there is latent envy somewhere along the line.

  Your Mom should want you to meet someone good and have a normal healthy relationship.

  Oh well, got to laugh..... A
• 

  AlanB

  In fact now I come tho think of it my dad used to do this while I was in as well. When I left school there were jobs he was against as it involved travel and in his opinion it would "take me out of the truth".

  Same with University, friends outside, types of music, anything really.

  If the "Truth" is so good, then why should anything take you away from it. Its a parents thing I suppose that they feel they have failed in all their children are not Pioneers or something.
• 

  gitasatsangha

  Joysome,

  For whatever it's worth, parents, like everyone, fall into the trap of wanting things to stay the same. I know its hard for me to imagine my little girls all grown up. Your mother, perhaps, just can't see what the future would be like with you in a new paradigm, and it scares her. What she might be coping with, is the fact that the most fundamental change has already happend: you aren't a JW, and are free to make your own decisions. That is light years away from the JW mental slavery she is used to. So it will take time for her to understand. Meantime, you get to live your life.

  Good luck with getting your sugery approved. I hope it goes well. Someone close to me had that surgury where they reduce the stomach to about the size of an egg. It has worked well for her, although, of course, she has had to relearn all eating habits.
• 

  Insomniac

  Aw, Joysome, I wish you all the best! I lost a bunch of weight a while back (I'd gained it mostly due to a health problem I'd had, but also because I do love Ben and Jerrie's). It was so much fun buying sexy little outfits and having the guys check me out. You're going to love it, and how much better you feel all over-lots more energy, breathing easier, all of it.

  Your mom is rightly concerned about her little girl having a major surgery, but she does not have the right to add to your stress by projecting her fears to you. If you need blood, have it. If you meet a nice guy, give him a chance. Just remember, though, that the guys who only want to get to know you when you have a "perfect" body, are not worth your time. Do it for yourself only. Congratulations!
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  Joysome

  Another thing she said is that the doctors are out for money. That they will tell me anything to get the money. That they are looking out for themselves and etc. I'm like they aren't used car salesmen! They aren't trying to swindle me into the surgery. But that's how my mom always thought that that is how people in the "world" are.
• 

  Scully

  Joysome writes:

  my mom is not happy about it at all. A) She's afraid that I will need a blood transfusion. B.) she's afraid I'll die...but the most important is that she's afraid that once I lose the weight I'll become more attractive to men and I'll meet someone and I won't come back to the "truth"!?!?!?

  It's not uncommon for people close to us to try to sabotage postive changes we are trying to make in our lives. Most behaviour of this sort is a reflection of the saboteur's own self-esteem and insecurities. Perhaps she's jealous that you're finally committing to taking care of your health and tackling your struggle with weight once and for all.

  If you want to reassure your mom regarding the blood transfusion concern she has, ask the surgeon what the chances are that you could lose enough blood to warrant a transfusion. This procedure is done with small incisions and laparascopic equipment, so the risk of excessive blood loss should be very small.

  Her concern about you dying during the surgery is a bit overblown. There is a small risk, as in any surgical procedure. But think about the risks of NOT doing it: being overweight carries with it very serious health risks: diabetes, stroke, heart disease, certain types of cancer, and is even associated with infertility. Ask your mother if she's willing to put you at risk for those things if you don't lose weight.

  Regarding your mom's concern about you losing weight, finding a man and never coming back to The Truth?: her real issue is that you will "find a man" (imo)... she is worried that you won't seek her out for moral support and encouragement, if you have a partner who loves you and cares about what is in your best interests. She's upset because she is afraid of losing her ability to control or manipulate you.

  Bottom line: you are an adult and you are capable of making adult decisions, including whether to go ahead with this surgery. I know of many people who have had gastric bypass and are so happy with the results, they think it's one of the best decisions they ever made.

  Good luck!

  Love, Scully
• 

  itsallgoodnow

  but the most important is that she's afraid that once I lose the weight I'll become more attractive to men and I'll meet someone and I won't come back to the "truth"!?!?!?

  My mom always has done that same type of thing to me. She monitors my clothes (not too sexy) and weekend activities and friends and is always way too suspicious, hates it when I lose too much weight, because that's when I'm looking my best, and always tries to fatten me up. She would prefer I stay single because she knows I have NO interest in anybody at her KH, and never have.

  Well, your mom can't stop you from doing what you need to do, so don't worry about it. She'll never back you up. Although I understand her worries about the surgery, etc.

  Good Luck with all of that!