Self control

by trumangirl 6 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  trumangirl

  Since fading, i've noticed my 'self-control' is better. I mean by that, things that I really believe are wrong or not good for me, I find easier to resist. Not that I did anything 'gross' before, but just things like being gluttonous, bitchy, dishonest, materialistic, all those things that I don't want to do because i know they have bad consequences but do anyway sometimes (because of being 'imperfect'?). And this in spite of me having lost any respect for the WTs 'guidance' and rules (unless they fit in with my view/conscience).

  I wondered about this, and my theory is that JWs are expected to have SO MUCH self-control over things like meeting attendance, witnessing, personal study, submissiveness, even their thoughts and attitudes, that they just can't do it all and end up lapsing into 'sin' . There is only so much self-control a human can have and we have to direct it at the things that matter and that we truly believe in, not a set of rules dumped on us from an external source over which we have no control. So the WT's emphasis on self-control can backfire through sheer overload of expectations.

  What do others think of my theory about self-control? Anyone had similar personal experience?

  trumangirl
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  Hunyadi

  I think self-control is the thing. The org fails to realize that the only one you can control is yourself. Trying to control millions of JW members is a sickness. The example is set for its members and therefore the sickness is hereditary. Lifers pass it down to their kids and so on. When I stopped being controlled by the org, I stopped trying to control other things that many other JW's concerne themselves with trying to control, especially, the thoughts, desires and feelings of their children. I am now able to accept what other people think and feel without the nuerotic desire to "give a witness", i.e., invalidating and attempting to control what that person think or feels. I am much more free to exercise self-control over me now. That is the kicker since it becomes such a big committee meeting event when a JW member loses some self-control, especially sexually. And then it is up to the whims of the elders and the GB as to what type of lack of self-control is more serious than others. They pounce on masturbators and fornicators and sort of sidestep the gluttons and greedy persons. My exwife and her husband, Mark and Sara Meier, take trips to Las Vegas frequently . . . why???? That is "SIN CITY" and what the hell are two Witnesses in good standing with the congregation doing in "SIN CITY"?

  Again, we can only exercise control over ourselves, and NO BODY ELSE, unless we allow them to.

  I like your realization and I agree.

  Corvin
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  MorpheuzX

  Trumangirl, I've found the best way to master self control and curb all my desires and longings is simply to yield to them. If you can do this without all the JW guilt attached -- I think life becomes much easier. It did for me. But as my old buddy Aristotle said, all things in moderation.

  Life is short. We've only got 70, maybe 80 years. Why spend all that time denying yourself things you know you really want and being miserable when you could just have them and be fulfilled? That's one of the questions that brought me out of the witnesses.

  Also when you free yourself from all the stupid WTS induced "guilty-trip" things you're not allowed to do your list of real things that you actually have to control shrinks to a more managable size.
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  peacefulpete

  nice comments. I also think the whole "forbidden fruit" thing is going on. By telling a person that something is not for them they want it even more. Now that I am free to choose what movie to see, how much to drink or what sexual practices to engage in, I find that the attraction to many things has diminished. After an initial adjustment period I feel that more of my choices are thoughtfully arrived at.
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  Maverick

  Peaceful pete is right. After being released I wanted to make up for a lot of things. And I did things just because I was forbidden to do them as a dud. Now I am not so concerned about any of that and do what I want and don't do what I don't want. We have taken control of ourselves back. The WTS version of self control is letting yourself be controlled by them! Maverick
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  nobody told me

  Once the pressure cooker called the Watchtower is off your back, life is easier. There is less fustration and guilt trying to live up to others expectations. Your less likely to over the edge without the constant WT nagging. If your at peace with yourself, it easier to be at peace with others. People do not become destined to have less self control because they leave a highly controlled group. We have the power everyday to be in complete control of ourselves.
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  Hyghlandyr

  Guilt...

  It is a never ending spiral down. When one feels guilt, she enters into a cycle. Guilt causes her to feel worth less than she is. This causes her to feel unworthy of the good. Since the good is perceived as a specific course of action, she feels even unworthy, and thus unable, to follow through with that course. This then leads to guilt, for not having done the good action. Which leads to an inability to perform the good action, which leads to more guilt, more inaction, more guilt, more inaction, more guilt ad infinitum.

  What then is the solution? Eliminate guilt. I made a decision in 1995 when I ceased attending the JWs. It was that I would from that day forth do one of two things, I would either continue any action I was doing, or I would cease doing the action. In either case I would not feel guilt. Guilt did not prevent me from doing the action. In fact it only made me do more of what I felt guilty about. So if someone complained to me about something, if I felt it was something worth changing, even if just for them, then I would do so. If I was not goingg to change, then I would not feel guilty about the lack of change. Suddenly all of the things that I was doing that I felt guiulty about, I no longer did. (Except for masturbation...which I continued with as much earnest as I had before, but then I would cuddle myself afterwards, telling myself sweet words of love, embracing fully in devotion to the one person I knew who sought my own pleasure, me. Thus I no longer felt bad afterwards, but elated, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.)

  I think you and I are describing the same process in different ways.