xJWs: Anyone ever read this poem? Any thoughts? Any personal applications?

True North

Anyone ever read this poem: http://www.artofeurope.com/larkin/lar2.htm? [Warning to those who may be offended: the poem contains the "f" word (although it's not used in a sexual sense).] Does anyone have any thoughts on it or any personal applications, particularly if you were raised as a JW?

FreeFallin

I wasn't raised in the truth, but you don't necessarily have to be in order to be fu**ed up. My parents were fu**ed up, too. In fact, we came from a long line of fu**-ups. And that's why I don't have any kids.

Free

Hunyadi

This is the poem you gave a link to:

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself.

Although I can relate to this poem on the deepest level, it brings forth some very negative feelings. I feel empathy for any and all who feel that way about their parents, and I at one time felt that way about mine.

Since mom and dad died, the world seems alot less scarier, much smaller yet somehow limitless.

Since I became a man, a husband and a father, I am the sole cause for about 90% of everything that happens to me, therefore, I am now careful of what I cause.

There are only two things in life; reasons and results, and I have come to learn that reasons do not matter.

Yes, mom and dad f-d me up real good as a kid. I cannot, in good conscience as an adult, hold them accountable for the way my life has turned out today. Every decision I have made since I left home has been my own. I own it, and that feels good. It feels powerful to me.

What to do? I can only try with all sincerity and a good heart to break the patterns of behavior exemplified by my parents that hurt me, and give something a little better to my own children and hope they never read a poem like the one above and think of me in those severe terms.

I cannot do much to undo the generations of f-d up thinking and acting heaped upon me by those before me. I can only try to do things differently with my kids, and hope they do things just a bit better with their kids, and so on . . . the pattern gets broken slowly and with time.

Mom, Dad, I forgive you for being such lousy parents, and I know you did the best with what you had been given from your parents. I understand now, and I love you more than ever, even now that you are gone.

I cast back now, as it were, and I feel like this:

Gary Kemp-THROUGH THE BARRICADES

Mother doesn't know where love has gone She says it must be youth that keeps us feeling strong I see it in her face that's turned to ice And when she smiles she shows the lines of sacrifice And now I know what they're saying as our sun begins to fade And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades Father made my history He fought for what he thought would set us somehow free He taught me what to say in school I learned it off by heart but now that's torn in two And now I know what they're saying in the music of the parade And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades Born on different sides of life We feel the same and feel all of this strife So come to me when I'm asleep We'll cross the lines and dance upon the streets And now I know what they're saying as the drums begin to fade And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades Oh turn around and I'll be there There's a scar right through my heart but I'll bear it again I thought we were the human race But we were just another borderline case And the stars reach down and tell us there's always one escape I don't know where love has gone And in this troubled land desperation keeps us strong Fridays child is full of soul With nothing left to lose there's everything to go And now I know what they're saying it's a terrible beauty we've made And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades And now I know what they're saying as our hearts go to their graves And we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades

LittleToe

I find "Through the Barricades" hits me at a deeper level.
It's probably partly because I remember it's release, and the context surrounding the song.

Oh, and I also remember who I was going out with at the time

Art In Me

Being born into JW and not realizing I ever had a choice of my own to leave until an adult, I have struggled with how strict my upbringing was related to the church or the parents or to what extent both.

I have concluded that my parents did the best they could given their model of the world at that time. They honestly were trying to rear us up in the Lord and by dub standards it was pretty tough. Of course they didn't f**k me up on purpose. It just is.

Am I bitter? to some extent, yes

Am I responsible for my reactions? yes, things only have power over me to the extent I let them.

Will I be in victim mode much longer? send happy thoughts my way that I won't.

I am definitely leery of having children because I know the capacity for damage. When I am in a place emotionally and spiritually that is patient unconditional love, then I'll consider having a wee one. I do think, and it's just an opinion, that people have children way too casually. It's only THE most impotant thing a human can do.....