Badwillie's Life Part 2

by badwillie 9 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  badwillie

  Part 2:

  One great thing about children is that they are survivors, and they learn how to adapt to changes very quickly.

  So the next stage of my life (11-15 years old) was really were I came to fully realize that this was it. This is what my life had become. Meetings, more meetings, bible study, field service, assemblies, and still more meetings,...on and on it went an endless cycle of monotony. No more little league (I was a 2 time All-Star), no more Cub Scouts, no more birthday parties, no more cartoons on Saturday mornings. These were my new friends. It was actually presented to me that way when I went to one of my first meetings at the kingdumb hall. My mothers exact words were, "take a look around, do you see any boys your age, because these will be your new friends". Those words rang in my ears..."your new friends". The implications were clear. Gone were all my neighborhood friends. My mother had succeeded in scaring them all away one by one by "witnessing" to them whenever they would come to our house. My mother told me, "that if they don't love Jehovah..you don't want them as friends anyway". The last holdout, my best friend Paul, finally gave up too when we were about 13. (we are blood brothers -yep, in 1978 we did the whole thing with the penknife and pressing our freshly cut bloody fingers together). As it happened, there were no boys my age at the hall, or my color for that matter. (bear in mind it was the 1970's, and until then my whole life was pretty much all white)

  Part 3 later...
• 

  joenobody

  Badwillie - I can clearly remember some of the guys like yourself who got dragged in by their mother's when they were old enough to ave established friendships. Those guys never quite fit in with the "born-into-it" crew. I remember how they withdrew into themselves and never ever made it work.
• 

  badwillie

  Joe - that's exactly how it went for me. I struggled to try to fit in. Eventually you really don't fit in anywhere anymore, not at school or at the hall. It sucked!

  I will be dealing with the fallout of my mother's decision to join a cult for the rest of my life. But it's not all bad, I have a lot in my life now that wouldn't have been there otherwise that I am very thankful for.
• 

  Sassy

  ahhh... yeah.. that was the life alright.. the hall and the people in it.. nothing else.

  My best friend before my mom became a witness lived next door. My mom really wanted me to spend more time with the kids at the hall. The only thing was that my dad wasn't a witness, so it helped a little. But my best friend died in a car accident when I was 9 and she was 10. I later wrote a story about the day she died, entitled "The Worst Day of my Life". The whole ironic thing was some people saw it as a blessing. Rather than sympathy that I had lost someone I loved, I was told how this was better in the end, because she was a worldly friend and we shouldn't have those any way.

  I'm sorry you lost your best friend
• 

  detective

  I'm sorry about Paul. Did you ever re-connect?
• 

  Sentinel

  Our childhood memories can haunt us. Sometimes, they can even be distorted, because children "see" things differently when they are children, and those perceptions stick in the mind like glue.

  Usually parents care about their children and want the best for them. Unfortunately, unless they have gotten their own act together, they are passing along all their insecurites and obsessions. Children cannot change their parents. It is a long road to wait until one can become their own person.

  Some parents become fanatics about all sorts of things, and try to manipulate their children into being "replacements" for the life they feel they were cheated out of. JW's take this manipulation to a whole other degree. They not only change their belief system, but they change everything that a child has learned to call "normal". They strip children of their foundation of friends and family in the name of religion, and make us into robots. They allow their own free will to be taken away, and they sacrifice their children to this same end. They do this with the tools of dogma, and then we grow up filled with guilt and fear, which can takes years, if ever, to work through. Some never work through it. Some never become truly free.

  You know how they say "the truth will set you free?" Well, it's the truth about religion that really sets a person free. Life really opens up like a magnificent portal to a whole new perspective when our minds are clear.

  I've lost out on so much, but all in all, I've gained much more. So how can I say that my life, though painful as it was in many places through the years, was not a necessary part of my spiritual journey?

  Thanks for sharing your life and opening up your heart. This is part of the healing process. We are here for you.

  /<
• 

  Nikita

  anxiously waiting for more..............

  btttt
• 

  flower

  I struggled to try to fit in. Eventually you really don't fit in anywhere anymore, not at school or at the hall. It sucked!

  That statement pretty much sums up my life as a dub!
• 

  Funchback

  Well, I got some good things out of the JW religion:

  You, flower, Nikita, DIM, Cherie, Dana, Olive, Michaelina, and others. We all have been through that same fire and now we're all friends (out of the Borg) and we will forever have that common bond.
• 

  yxl1

  that if they don't love Jehovah..you don't want them as friends anyway"

  I heard this over and over again. My mum physically removed my best friend from our house because he wasnt a witness and insisted I play with a neighouring witnesses child. Before condemning my friend, she could have found out that he was the one who was helping me in school subjects that I had problems with, yet the neighbouring witness child was stealing cars mugging old ladies, and just being a bad egg. (He's just been released from prison for armed robbery...8 years)

  Enoying the diary

  yxl1