Request For Help From Italy

by siveld 6 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  siveld

  I today received the following email from Italy. My response follows. If you have further advice or suggestions, I will pass them on.

  Hello, I found your address re: ex Jehovah's witnesses. I am interested
  because my daughter Viola, 18, is attending one of the halls here in Rome,
  Italy, and I am really frightened she will become a Jehovah's witness. She
  doesn't have a high enough cultural level or critique to defend herself.
  Her boyfriend likes their way of reasoning, even though his actions would
  not permit him to become a member. He has introduced her to them I think,
  more as a matter of control over her. My daughter is very stubborn and tends
  not to reflect or reason over things much. She is the youngest of three
  sisters. She has some trouble with school and confrontation, as her sisters
  are brilliant students with many cultural and artistic interests and talents.
  She has always chosen simple people as friends for this reason. I have educated
  them as free thinkers so you can imagine how terrifying the thought of Viola
  becoming a J.W. could be for me. I love my daughter immensely and the rigidity
  of their religion really bothers me. What should I do to slowly help her
  understand that her choice could possibly be an error without destroying
  our relationship? I need help as she refuses to listen to the logical/rational
  arguements I offer. I have the feeling that she in a way has substituted
  the dominating yet sweet character of her boyfriend with me and since I
  have insisted on culture and open mindedness in her education, that it is
  a form of rebellion, need for more structure. Please help me if you can.
  Viola and her boyfriend are intentioned on moving to Perth in the future,
  that's why I'm asking you for help. What is the Jehovah's witness comunity
  like there? Is it so rigid everywhere and with such a low cultural level?.
  Thanks for any info. Sincerely, Claudia
  Hi Claudio Greetings from Australia! I have read with interest and concern your e-mail concerning your daughter. The below link is a goldmine of information for both you and her to discuss. Does she really want to devote the rest of her life to a religious organization without thoroughly investigating it's claims and history? If they have nothing to hide they should not have a problem with her doing this. Emphasize your love and concern, and that no matter what you will be there for her. Your concern for her well-being has required that you research the JW's, and you have found troubling information that is vital to her decision-making process. The fact that she is a free thinker is in your favour; those with open minds rarely join or stay with the JW's for any length of time. Also, that she has no family in the JW's would make it far easier for her to leave if she did in fact join. The JW organization is slipping in popularity in the western world, mainly due to the information available on the internet. This applies in Australia, where JW growth has been stagnant for many years. JW's are bound by many strict rules involving many things, including their personal relationships. They certainly would not condone her and her boyfriend living in a de-facto relationship; unless they were married baptism would not be permitted. Does her boyfriend have family in the JW's, what is his exact level of involvement? Please take the time to examine the net information yourself before presenting it to your daughter, but remember also that time is of the essence and the more involved she gets, the harder it will be for her to extricate herself. Let me know what happens. David

  http://www.bible.ca/indexJws.htm
• 

  Sentinel

  Thanks for sharing this plea for help. Our children are our hearts. They are a part of us. But, at some point, we have to let go of them. We no longer have any control. The more we push a certain idea or express our concerns, sometimes the more they are drawn to the very thing that strikes fear in our hearts--whether it be their choice of companion, or their choice in religion, etc.

  All one can do is present the facts to them, probably in written form, so it doesn't appear like we are "preaching". I just about know they will eventually read the material. Then they will have all the facts and the final decision will be theirs. Very few young people are without access to the NET, so if they are interested in doing research, it's all there. Still, it is so difficult to watch our loved ones reject our heartfelt please for them not to make mistakes in life. Some mistakes have far more repercussions than others.

  Unconditional love and compassion go a very long way--even without saying a word.

  /<
• 

  siveld

  I today received this further email from the Italin father whose daughter is associating with JW's.

  I will pass on to him any helpful advice anyone may care to give.

  Hi David, thank you so much for answering, I will look into the web site
  right away. Unfortunately, Viola does not want me to talk to her about the
  JW's, school or her boyfriend. As I said, she is conditioned by her boyfriend
  who has taught her that avoiding any confrontation will make people leave
  her alone. It is almost impossible to have any kind of dialogue with her
  on those arguements. She is quite insecure and afraid of confrontation,
  so a perfect "victim". You asked how involved her boyfriend is. He was quite
  traumatized by a very difficult family situation (father liar and compulsive
  wife-cheater) and an ugly parent's divorce. During that period, he found
  solace in the tranquillity of family relationships he found in the hall.
  Since Viola is with him, she has stopped seeing her old friends for his,
  has stopped doing modelling which she had just begun because he is jealous,
  and her relationship with me has deteriorated. And now the JW's! Viola continuously
  mentions how happy all JW's families are; and how good they all are. There
  is no making her reason. She is a really nice girl, even though so stubborn;
  doesn't drink, take drugs, smoke, frequent discos, boys and she is so pretty.
  It just breaks my heart to think she is becoming a religious fanatic. I
  just cannot accept the idea and feel so impotent because she refuses to
  discuss things with me. Thanks again, but I'm afraid that even after learning
  more about the JW's through the site you sent, it will be useless. I will
  try, however. Sincerely, Claudia
• 

  scotsman

  Just a small point, but you're corresponding with Viola's mother, Claudia, not her father.
• 

  Room 215

  For whatever it's worth, Sergio Pollina and Achille Aveta are the foremost exponents of the ex-JW perspective in Italy.
• 

  fader

  I attended the English congregations in Rome for six years. I'd be interested in knowing who this person is, and what cong they are attending (last time I heard there were three English congs in Rome). I might be able to put them in contact wiht someone who could help.

  let me know,

  fader
• 

  Joker10

  Why does the mother want to chose the right religon for her daughter? She can't do that. And if the daughter lets her control her that way, she is certainly stupid. But good for the daughter. Whatever make her happy.