Crybaby..or something else.......

by Golden Girl 6 Replies latest social family

• 

  Golden Girl

  My grand-daughter is 12 years old. She attends a catholic school..always has. Her mom takes her and her 13 year old brother and picks them up everyday.

  Well..in the past she has started crying when her mom pulls up to school. Not all the time but a lot..probably 10 times this year so far..

  Now this morning she started crying so her mom brought her back home..she cried some more..then she just now took her to school.

  Usually she stays home.

  She has even made her go to school crying..she will sit in the class and cry..

  Has anyone else had this problem?..I thought it may be because of her hormones..but she has done this all through her childhood.

  I told my daughter to get her counseling..but she said she did talk to someone..and aked her daughter if it helped and she said NO!..

  I said..a lot of times a counselor can ask the right questions to find out what is bugging you.

  The funny thing is..my daughter used to do the same thing..But she blamed it on being a witness.

  I said..there were plenty of other witness kids that didn't cry when they went to school!

  Any suggestions?

  Golden Girl..(Grandma)
• 

  Scully

  It sounds to me that she may be experiencing a kind of bullying at school.

  There is a very good book that was published recently, called "Queen Bees and Wannabes" that discusses the way girls socialize, the heirarchy of their "caste system", how the "caste system" works and how girls fit in or not. You may find it a very eye-opening read. Often times, girls at this age do not have the understanding of how to vocalize their experiences, so having some insight can be helpful in getting girls to open up. If she reads the book herself, she may be able to identify with some of the things that are happening with her and may be more willing to talk about it if she feels that she will be understood.

  I do hope things get better. Raising girls is a joy, but when they hurt, you hurt with them and for them.

  Love, Scully
• 

  Scully

  BTW, I have started a few threads on the topic of Bullying. Perhaps they can shed some light on the matter, if that is what is going on with your grand-daughter.

  Bullying/Mobbing - Implements for Social Control

  Barbara Coloroso's new book about Bullying
• 

  Sara Annie

  If this is something her Mom always did too, is it possible she is suffering from an anxiety disorder? That she is so overwhlemed by what might/could/will happen when she leaves her home (a comfortable environment) that she works herself into a lather? Has her mother discussed this with the teachers/principal/guidance counselor? Can the problem be traced to specific treatment she's receiving at school? This is not a minor problem that should be ignored--if she can't face school she'll likely not be able to face going to college, or a workplace, or anywhere that isn't her own four walls and familiar surroundings.

  One therapy session isn't likely to help anyone--and those who need therapy (especially children) aren't likely to come home from the first session saying "wow, I love therapy and it's solved all my problems!". I would start with the girl's physician, get a full physical and explain the problem and see if they have reccomendations or a referral to another source of help.

  Poor girl. I hope that they can attack this issue head on and see if progress can be made.
• 

  Elsewhere

  It could be bullying, abuse (by a teacher or other school member), or separation anxiety. Perhaps something else.

  All that can be done is to ask her to share her thoughts and feelings a a safe environment.
• 

  seeitallclearlynow

  Hi there, Golden Girl,

  My daughter didn't have the exact same type of condition/behavior/disorder as your dear granddaughter, but she did cry easily and often, whenever she felt pressure to please or perform beyond her ability, or when she was deeply disappointed. This went on all her youth and into young adulthood. I always felt so bad for her and didn't know what to do except comfort her. Her father always felt she was just "being an actress." I think he was entirely off base. But we never had her undergo any therapy, so we may never know how we could have helped her best.

  She did have bipolar disorder, and regrettably, both her father and I expected too much of her, allowing ourselves to remain completely ignorant of child development stages and her own personal limitations. She was bullied at school during 7th grade, but we took care of that, and oddly enough, she didn't do a lot of crying over that.

  I'm obviously not a professional and I've only raised 2 children; but I definitely do NOT think your granddaughter (or your daughter) are simply "crybabies." Not at all.

  The very best to you in helping both of them lovingly to get through this and get to the bottom of it.
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  Golden Girl

  Thank you all for your answers..Believe it or not I shared the replies with my granddaughter. She liked them.

  She insists there is no bully..but she hasn't gone to school yet this week..She went 2 half days last week... She did go to a psyciatrist last week.He .gave her anxiety pills..but she still cried this morning..

  I hope she isn't acting..but how can you tell?

  It really upsets her Mom..I am glad I am visiting for a few days to take some of the stress off..

  The psychiatrist did say for her to call if things don't change..Duh..

  I think a psycologist would be better..they discuss more and ask questions that make you think..

  She has involved the school. Talking with the principal and teachers..

  My daughter just got off the phone with the teacher..

  It is a very very small Catholic school.

  Maybe she is just bored to death!!!...

  Thanks again for the reply's..

  Golden Girl..