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Surreptitious

Elsewhere died and was taken to his place of eternal
torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits
and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized
as Doc Watson snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for
all eternity, and Doc gets to spend it
with a beautiful woman."

"Shut up," barked the devil, jabbing him with
his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that
woman's punishment?"

drwtsn32

LOL!!! You, sir, are a very very bad man.

doodle-v

Syrup,

jes keep talkin bout de debil like dat an you sho aint goin to heb'n!!!!

-Doodle-V

Elsewhere

Shortly thereafter Satan guided Elsewhere through a city... populated only by Jehover's Witnesses. It was composed of suburbs, laundry mats, and kingdom halls. On every corner was a Jehover's Witness holding up literature.

The JWs were all hard at work... going from door to door... placing literature in all the laundry mats... and attending all of the meetings at the kingdom hall.

At the kingdom hall the elders were telling everyone that the end was SOON and they needed to work harder at the preaching work... and pray more... and study more... and to make time to pioneer... and to give up their good paying jobs so they can do full-time kingdom work... and to avoid the bad association of college... and to avoid relatives who were not JWs... and to shun anyone the elders did not like. The elders also enjoyed making up all sorts of silly and burdensome rules. The more rules they made up the more holy the JWs thought the elders were!

Satan then laughed... "What gets me is these fools all think they are in a spiritual paradise!"

jwsons

he, Elsewhere

Did you remember seeing any young girl in that laundry mats city ? I guess not at all for they were child- molested and talked out, then all are disfellowshipped. They are (the young girls) now living together with Elsewhere in sulfurous pit and topless (for the Topic of this thread is HOT and in sulfurous flames how can the girls are not topless ?)

jwsons

Black Sheep

In hell the girls are topless.

They are also bottomless.

Elsewhere is going to find out that that really means that they have no bottoms.

Sirona

Elsewhere arrived in Hell

The Devil greeted him and said- "do you like Drinking?"

Elsewhere said "Yeah!!"

"well you'll like Monday's then....we must drink as much as we can and get totally pissed"

"Do you like women?"

Elsewhere replied "yes, of course!"

The devil replied "good, cos on Tuesdays its women day, you must have sex with as many women as you want. Then Wednesday is chocolate day, Thursday is gambling day..."

"great...great" says elsewhere enthusiastically

"oh and do you like sex with men?" asked the devil

"no" says elsewhere

"oh...well I'm afraid you won't like Fridays then"

Sirona

reboot

Elsewhere is sent to another part of Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.

So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. Elsewhere says "No, please show me the next room".

Satan shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again.

Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes.

So Elsewhere says, "I'll choose this room". Satan says O.K. He's standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. Satan pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"

reboot

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Elsewhere, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes Elsewhere to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes him to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Elsewhere's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, he says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing him to enter the room. Satan locks the room.

As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Elsewhere!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.

"The bottle has a hole in it!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.

"And it's missing three keys,"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."

Surreptitious

Elsewhere has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the
devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil.

"You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have
to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people
here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you
have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Else thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Valis and a large
pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and
over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" Else said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't
think I could do that all day long"

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Ona with a
sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that
hammer, time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
agony, if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Else.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Else saw Watson lying on
the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in
spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Doodle, doing what she
does best. Elsewhere looked at this in disbelief for a while and
finally said,

"Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said....

"Doodle, you're free to go!"

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