The Washington Post: Why we need an amendment:

Gretchen956

Aisle Be Damned Bush hates gay marriage. God knows why

By Gene Weingarten

I think we can all agree with our president that gay
marriage is a grave threat to America, because if it weren't, our
president would not have this issue to flog and might lose the election,
and then who would protect us from being murdered by poorly shaven
individuals from Middle Eastern nations?

No, wait. That can't be right. The reason gay marriage is a grave threat to
America must be that if we let gay people marry, the entire hallowed
institution of marriage will be disgraced. No one will take marriage
seriously anymore. Pretty soon the American divorce rate will start
approaching 50 percent, and the sanctity of the whole process will be
compromised, with pop stars getting drunk, married and annulled all on the
same weekend. And then, before you know it, people will take marriage so
casually that romance and passion themselves will erode, couples will no
longer care about how they look to each other, and America will become a
nation of people waddling around with keisters the size, texture and
pliability of weather balloons.

Oh, wait.

Well, that's not why, anyway. The argument against legalizing gay marriage
must be the same as the argument against legalizing drugs: If you legalize
gay marriage, everyone will want to do it. Clearly, we all have these
massive, pent-up, homosexual urges waiting to erupt, once we get the
giddyap go-ahead from the government. George Bush and Dick Cheney might
take up residence together in a simply darling Crystal
City duplex. If gays are allowed to get married, guys like me will start
looking at our wives and thinking, wait a minute, I have to settle for this
weak little, squeaky-voiced, thong-wearing thing when Sylvester
Stallone is available?

Oh, wait.

Actually, I guess the real reason to oppose gay marriage is that God is
opposed to it, as certified by Leviticus (Lev. 20:13). Because this is an
actual book of the Bible, we must obey everything it says literally, which
is why Bill Cosby, Newt Gingrich, Albert Einstein and Bill Clinton have all
been duly put to death for adultery, the prescribed punishment (Lev. 20:10).
Or why anyone who shaves his head (Lev. 21:5) or wears clothing made from
both wool and linen together (Lev. 19:19) or marries a divorced
woman (Lev. 21:7) has been publicly condemned as a sinner. Or why any
married couple that has sex when the woman is menstruating has been
banished from civilized society and left to wander the earth (Lev. 20:18).

Well, maybe not.

But perhaps the best argument for why gay marriage is a grave threat to
America is historical. Historically, when a society begins to condone
decadence and licentiousness, it collapses like a souffle in an earthquake.
The nations that survive and prosper and become world powers are the ones
that adhere to strict moral codes, like Yemen, Djibouti, Myanmar, and that
one with all the goats.

Okay, I confess that I don't really understand why anyone gives a fig about
this issue, but I am sure our president knows best, by virtue of his
superior brain and his Doctor of Thinkology degree. If he says that it
requires a constitutional amendment to rectify this
grievous error, then, by gum, I am all for it. I have been looking at the
Constitution, actually, and I have to admit that an anti-gay-marriage
amendment would fit right in.

You'd hardly know it was there. You could even add it to an existing
amendment.

For example, Amendment VIII: "Excessive bail shall not be required, nor
excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Also,
ix-nay on the omos-hay, okay?"

But if we do follow this path, we really ought to consider another
constitutional amendment, drawing not only from this same intense desire to
improve our society, but from our increasing willingness to invoke the
deity to do so:

Proposed Amendment XXVIII:

"It shall be unlawful to use the U.S. Constitution as a plaything for the
politically self-righteous. Violators should all go to Hell."

Gene Weingarten's e-mail address is
[email protected].

SLM

patio34

Hi Gretchen,

Thanks for posting that. I enjoyed it.

Pat

asortafairytale

Thanks for giving my day a good start, Gretchen!

~asortafairytale~

itsallgoodnow

fabulous!

The Washington Post: Why we need an amendment:

Gretchen956

drwtsn32

sf

somebodylovesme

patio34

asortafairytale

itsallgoodnow

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