I'd come into the truth late in my life and alone. I was the only one in my family who persued being a witness.It was always my desire to be married. Some of the ideology surrounding worthwhile competent brothers would often make its way to the pages of the Awake magazine in the form of questioning a brothers motivation, even his character when a prospective brother might approach a sister.
Now much of my feelings were probably due to my own guilt and insecurity regarding my struggling while in the truth. But I often couldn't help but feel as if they were talking about me. I often took personal much of that type of commentary, mostly I imagine due to the fact that it took me so many years to finally get myself on the inside, by the time I got in, I still felt like a criminal who had somehow made it in through the backdoor.
I can remember statements about how these brothers who had somehow made it into the truth, were not true brothers at all, but were ones who were there only for the purpose of spying out and seeking out weak women who might be suaded by their deception.
I'd carried so much guilt as it was. Am I crazy or what?, but doesn't the WTS instill in one a sense of guilt to begin with? It must be me, I must be crazy.
It was an early 90's Awake magazine.
Anyway as life would have it, I never took upon the opportunity to invade any sisters world because of wrestling with my own demons. The struggle continues, but the war is a much different war.