I saw one of the elders from my judicial committee today.....

by outbutnotdown 4 Replies latest jw friends

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  outbutnotdown

  I was df'd about 12 years ago and I saw one of the elders form my judicial committee for the first time in about 11 and 1/2 years today. I was at the McDonald's playland with three of my four beautiful children, and I went up to the counter to get something they had forgotten to give me and there he was..... standing a foot from me, in typical Saturday morning service garb. I was taken by surprise but my instant reaction was going to be to thank him for kicking me out.... since, even though it has not always been easy, it is still the best thing that ever happened to me. (I'm sure a lot here feel the same way.)

  However I didn't say anything...... (I'm not really sure why yet..... some mixed emotions, I guess).... but some of it seems to be because I feel sorry for them..... So I just went back to the playland and he was out of my mind within a minute or two. Then, a few minutes later, in one of those instances where you catch somebody looking when they don't want to get caught..... (it sometimes happens to me when I look at an attractive girl...... ....) I happened to look up and he was motioning to his wife towards the playland but he already looked away and didn't see that I saw the whole affair... and then his wife was looking around and noticed me.

  I don't want to be overly harsh to them because I do honestly feel pity for them... after all I was once one for 20 years....... but I could not get over how his wife... about 50 years old, (so she is not slow from old age or anything), just looked so hollow inside. Even when she realized that I had noticed their whole "searching me out thing", it hardly fazed her. She didn't look disgusted or sympathetic....... or anything, really..... just hollow!!! Other people have probably had similar instances here.

  It just reminded me that, even though it sucks that my whole family completely shuns me, it is easier to deal with when you know how close-minded and hollow most JW's are inside. The next time any of them hurt you or piss you off, just remember that DEEP down inside they are the ones that are hurting the most.

  I hope this little story helps people to keep the whole shunning stuff in perspective.

  Brad
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  lovinlife

  Brad, in view of my post earlier today, I really appreciate what you said. You are right, they probably are the ones hurting the most inside. But, more than anything, I agree with you that so many of them seem hollow inside-like there is no true emotion or feeling in them. I am sure it comes from years of being told how to feel and how to think. Wow, I am so glad not be like them anymore...I don't want to feel hollow inside! Thanks for the post, it was great.
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  outbutnotdown

  lovinlife,

  Thanks for the reply. It isn't it great to have free thought, eh?

  I used to have a bad temper...... now I just realize that I am a passionate person who sometimes didn't direct that passion in the right places.

  I used to "doubt too much" about the JW's.......now I realize that I just wanted to be heard for who I am.....

  I could go on, but I am sure you get the point. That's the greatest thing that I like about being free...... I don't JUDGE as much. I'm getting better all the time at that....

  I'd rather make a mistake with a free mind than to never make a mistake with NO MIND AT ALL!!!!!!!

  AMEN, brother........ lol

  Brad
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  Scully

  outbutnotdown:

  I had a similar experience a few weeks ago. It was one of those beautiful spring mornings, a few days before the Memorial. The sun was shining, it was warm in the nation's capital, and I had a few things to pick up at Loblaws. As I was walking up to the store entrance, I enjoyed the warmth of the sunshine on my face, and I realized how truly happy I was with my life. When I was passing the photo-lab counter, there was a couple from the congregation we used to attend almost 10 years ago. The last time I saw this woman, a few months earlier, she was at my doorstep with a Kingdom Permasmile™ plastered on her face in an effort to impress me with how terrific her life was now that she'd pulled up her bootstraps and was regular in meeting attendance and auxiliary pioneering. She hadn't fooled me then - and seeing her at the counter with that same vacant, hollow look to her proved to me beyond a doubt that she was nothing more than a worn out, exhausted WTS drone. Her husband had the same look on his face. They looked like they were barely able to crawl out of bed in the morning.

  I said "Hello" to them and made some small talk. She reminded me that the Memorial was on Sunday. I smiled and let them know that I wasn't going to be there. She asked me if I missed the congregation. I said that I used to miss them, the way an alcoholic misses booze, but not the way a fish misses water. And that I am so much happier now than ever.

  When I was done with my shopping and on my way out of the store, I saw them waiting at a different checkout, still looking miserable and downtrodden. The Happiest People on Earth™, my arse!!

  Love, Scully
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  cyber-sista

  The next time any of them hurt you or piss you off, just remember that DEEP down inside they are the ones that are hurting the most.
  

  I hope this little story helps people to keep the whole shunning stuff in perspective.

  I have a hard time feeling sorry for the ones who are so judgemental, but do realize that they are screwed up and mentally unbalanced themselves. They are a pathetic group all around. I know some that I would love to rescue out of there, but don't know what I would do with them if I did. There were many who were already messed up and that is why they joined up in the first place.

  I do appreciate your insight.