Remembering dead ones on their birthdays....

Strawberryfieldsforever

My boss lost his wife about a year ago and when her birthday came, he was very upset and his whole family got together. I thought to myself how nice that was and how birthdays must mean so much to people. Because I was raised a JW, birthdays just don't have that kind of emotional meaning to me. It's like I'm numb or something with most holidays. I don't even remember most of my families birthdays. How sad that is......I feel like I've been raised to be so cold and uncaring. Do any of you feel that way?

Sassy

I understand what you mean. I think that for non JWs, that it means more to some than others though.

I guess I felt loved growing up, so did I feel uncared for? no.. but.. the JWs certainly do not encourage treating anyone special.. so they kind of keep self esteem low........which I think is sad..

simplesally

I remember my Aunt, who was 2 years old than I, on her birthday but much more so when Dec 3rd rolls around. That day was so shocking and upsetting that it had more impact on me. My grandmother who I was very close to, I couldn't tell you what day she died, but her birthday always makes me miss her. My Gramps birthday as well. I guess because their deaths were not unexpected, both were sick.

oscar

Yes I feel the same way when it comes to the holidays I feel like I am numb to them and that they are just another day,my wife really got upset with me since I did not get her a x-mas gift or a birthday gift we are just recently married and I can see how my jw background makes me feel this way.

True North

I know exactly what you mean and it isn't in any way your fault.

It's touching, isn't it, how your boss's family came together with him for this. I'm sure, though, if he has any JW relatives, they not only wouldn't attend, but would be saying rather cold-hearted things about it behind his back and simply thinking of his pain as at most an opportunity to "witness" to him.

JWs are trained to be so wrapped-up and self-satisfied in their own sense of superior moral righteousness that they never consider the hurt they inflict on their non-JW family members. In my case, my non-JW mother -- who has passed away now -- never got to enjoy being united with her son and grandchildren on the holidays and birthdays that meant so much to her. I have real regrets about this -- that someone who had worked so hard and gave so much to her family would in return be so neglected. It doesn't seem very Christian to me.

El blanko

Well, I still don't celebrate birthdays. After having got out of the ritual, I personally don't want to go back again and do see the materialistic approach and egotistical side amongst my family members who do celebrate.

But... the circumstances described are understandable and if I lost one of my close loved ones I would remember them on the day they were born or when they died and put time aside to reflect. Nothing wrong with that at all IMO

Also, a friend of mine who works in a sensitive enviroment and used to serve as a JW for many years and still holds part of the belief system, bends her rules towards sick children and helps them have a good time on the day they cherish. Again, nothing wrong with that at all IMO.