we just recently moved to a new state. Where we were living, there were only 500 people, the school system was very small. Our son's Kindergarten was combined with the pre-school level, which stunted the things they should have been learning. Then he went into first grade and the teacher was forced to retire, so her last year was not happy (plus they had problem children in their class). When he got into second grade this year they decided to combine first and second grades (which added more problem children). There were days when I would go and pick my son up and the teacher was screaming at one of the children because they were unruly, not listening and disobedient. Other days there would be two or three kids rolling around on the ground while the others tried to do their work. We often asked our son how hard it was to work in that environment, more than once he came home in tears because he was distracted by this and had to bring work home that he didn't know how to do. His reports and conferences always came home that he was doing great, even though we thought he was behind where he should be. Now we move to a new school, 1000 miles away. He is having a hard time because they are working on things that he never did (such as multiplication in math). No matter how much work he does at home, it doesn't seem to be enough. Now their mid-term reports came home and he is even more upset. His teacher wants to have a conference and he knows it will be bad, as of right now he is only passing 2 classes. Even though this move has been a good one, we wonder what will happen. If he is going to be held back a year because of this. I worry about what this is doing to his confidence level. Yesterday he came home and said he was the worst kid in school. He wouldn't tell me where he got that, but it worries me. When I asked him if he thought he was going to be in trouble for his report he answered no, because he knows we only expect what he can do, his best. So now, I called his teacher and of course she wasn't in school yet, so now I wait for her call, worried about my son. He is having a hard time with the work and also a hard time making friends. Out of our children, he was the last one that I worried about making friends, he is so out going and happy that people just seem naturally drawn to him, but he told us that he doesn't have anyone to play with and no friends. What is a person to do? Down where we moved, we found out that there are a lot of parents that have Methamphetamine problems. The number of kids getting taken out of homes where meth labs are found is staggering, so trying to contact the parents and try to arrange play dates is kind of hard. We can't force the other kids to play with him. How do you handle something like this?
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by five_crew 5 Replies latest jw experiences
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exjdub
Welcome to the board five_crew.
What a tough situation. Temper my comments with the knowledge that I am not a big believer in the public school system. It didn't work for me, and it didn't work for my kids...at least not when we moved from a small town school to a bigger town. If you are looking for a fix within the school system, you likely will not find it. I was happy to hear that your son is aware that you place more importance on his "doing his best" rather than a grade. I think that it is important that children not have their confidence undermined.
Our kids struggled when they went from the small town school atmosphere to a larger town/school. They just were not "getting" the math. They were always voracious readers, though, and I think that helped alot. We ended up taking them out of the school system and home schooling them. I realize that this is not for everyone, in fact it is impossible for some because of work issues etc., but it did make a difference and both of my children are in college now. If home schooling is not an option would you consider a tutor? Sometimes having someone else with a different approach can make a big difference.
Kids, like your son, can (and do) fall through the cracks of the school system. If you cannot do any of the above options I would strongly recommend that you get active with the school. Get involved with programs and be a "squeeky wheel". People that do not demand help will not get any. As uncomfortable as it may be, conference with the teacher and the principal, vice principle, whoever it takes until you get a solution. It is not your son's failure, it is the school's fault and the fault of the system. Teachers can hardly get throught the normal day with the strain that is put on them, so they certainly don't have the time to help a struggling student. When my kids were in school I was conferencing on a weekly basis until they straightened out some of the issues that we had. It still fell short, but at least it improved some.
As far as the friend issue...that's a tough one. Maybe someone will have some ideas for you that will work. That is something that I have not had to deal with in a long time and so I do not have any suggestions. Regards.
exjdub
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myauntfanny
Can you get him involved in some extracurricular activities where he might meet some different kids, or even meet the same kids on a different basis? Especially if it's something he's good at, that might give him confidence and friends both.
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Special K
What grade level is your son in five-crew?
Knowing what is expected at different grade levels helps. You could call your local school board and tell them you want a print out of the curriculum requirements for his last two grade levels.
I do this. . because my kids will always get a teacher sometimes who doesn't cover the curriculum for a number of reasons.
I don't trust the public school system either. I make sure that I cover what they are required to know for that year at home. If you don't they can slip through the cracks in a class room where a teacher has ended up with more behaviour problem kids than she/he can possibly handle.
Numbers can also be too many. In grade 1/and 2 my son had 31 in his class. throw a couple of behavior problem kids in the mix and what you basically had was a huge class of 6/7/8 year olds where the teacher spent most of her time in crowd control. Not her fault,.. the systems fault.
Again what Grade level is he in? .. five-crew
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sincerely
Special K
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five_crew
my son is in the second grade. We moved late in the year. It is hard if the last school didn't get him where he needs to be, you have a hard time remedying that in the last quarter of the year. They are all good suggestions. I am awaiting a call back from his teacher. One good thing is that his teachers are very impressed with how hard he works and tries. How he is always smiling and his behavior is very good. So, even if his grades aren't the best at least they recognize that he is trying.
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franklin J
I imagine this is difficult on the children to have to change schools and acclimate to new learning methods and new friends.
Is there a PTA ( Parent Teacher Association) that you can join in your school?. This is very strong in our school district. My wife and I are VERY involved in it. You can monitor what is being instructed and when the teachers and school see how involved the parents are; they tend to pay more attention to your child...I suppose this is a good thing about being a taxpayer--they really listen to you . If any child needs extra help, the entire teaching staff through the PTA is involved. It works in our district.
There may be other local organizations in the community which could offer some instructional remedial help. The Federal Government is increasing the bar for all primary and elementary education and is standardizing through testing. This has placed great stress on teachers to meet certain teaching goals; problem students take away time from others who are more than willing to learn; the smarter ones get bored if they are not challenged. If class sizes get any larger than 25 the teacher really needs an assitant.
Have you looked into any private schools? Class sizes may be smaller and your son can get more personalized teaching.
Frank