Well, I went to my first witness gathering I'd been to in probably 7 years this last weekend. I know, who goes to a witness gathering when they haven't even gone to the hall in 2 years? Well, it was a wedding shower type thing for one of my close family members and I was asked, so I decided since I had nothing better to do, it would be a fun look at the other side, and I wanted to know if I was past all that witness lingo and guilt.
I really didn't know very many people at all there, but I do have to say, I'm past it. I walked in and people turned and looked at me as if I was in the wrong place. I have a shaved head and goatee. So I sat down beside my brother and a few people that I used to know that were younger than me, most in their mid twenties now. They all told me that I looked so different and then they started talking about some of the cool "R" rated movies that they'd seen lately and making juvenile sexual inuendos to their wives and acting like they were 14 years old again, trying to impress one of the big kids. I thought it was kinda funny.
Then the normal witness stuff that made my skin crawl started. An older woman went up to where the shower gifts were situated and read a poem and said that although these two were getting married young, at 18, she had faith that in a million years they would still be together, long past all those worldly marriages had failed and were a thing of the past.
There was a bit of talk about bethel witnesses, and special pioneer witnesses, and witnesses that were in different countries as missionaries from the area. Then my mom pulled up a chair beside me with a couple of her friends to watch the gift openings and I told them all a story I thought was kind of funny, they didn't think so. My story: The night before, at 4:30am I got a call and picked it up, the guy on the other end asked if it was me, I said yes, and he preceded to tell me that he and his room-mate thought I was hot and asked if I'd like to come get a blowjob and have sex. I kinda laughed and said, as tempting as that sounds, there's two things, 1) it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm asleep, and 2) I'm not gay. Turned out it was some guy that had waited on me at a returaunt a few weeks earlier and he's asked around till he found someone with my number. The story went on a little longer, but you get the point. My mom and her friends were just flabergasted that such a thing could even happen, and one of them said, how horrible, I'm glad I don't have to deal with things like that, and another said, oh my my, the world today is in such bad shape, it's ending so quickly isn't it.
Another lady was talking about her nine year old son starting to mow the lawn and how she had raised his allowance from $1 a week to $3 a week and told him that he had to split that money with Jehovah. Then she said, I have them brain-washed so well. My mom said, well you can only count on the brainwashing for so long, I'm still using it on the youngest, but this one is out of my control now, as she pointed at me. Anyway, the easy listening dance music started and that's when I took my que to leave. I don't think I'll be going to many more witness gatherings before I die. Only one more I know I have to go to.