CZAR's Latest Humiliation - this one's military!

czarofmischief

Yes yes, ladies and gents, I was a'walking and a'talking mighty strong, but it turns out that old age is a'bitin me in the arse.

Well, I went down to the Navy recruiter. I'm not eligible for joining the Navy for two reasons:

1) I have been on antidepressants. Apparently, that's a bad thing. I can't tell if it's just prejudice or what, but anybody who has been on these things for the last five years isn't eligible. Eh?

2) I am 18 pounds overweight. My Body Fat is 27 percent. Wow.

Now I'm just a gloomy tub of lard in America. How the hell did this happen?

Personally, I don't think my weight was really the issue - I think the recruiter was giving me an easy way out after he found out about my depression. (I can live without the meds, but I can't deny that I am susceptible to long dark teatimes of the soul.)

So, to all dubs out there, if you ever thought you wanted a military career - don't go on the happy pills. Just get the borg out of your life and GET OUT! Don't let Brooklyn depress you into choices that restrict your future options.

I wish... ah... can't go back, can't change the past... Now what do I do? The future is wide open and all of it sucks.

Sigh...

CZAR of the "Half of a man" klass

myauntfanny

Czar

You're not half a man, you're a whole man who can't join the Navy. Are there no other options for a military career? I saw a tv program once about people who really fight the odds to do what they want to. One was a dwarf who wanted to be a surgeon and he had to put up with so much crap, but he did it in the end. And another was a girl with two heads (I am not making this up) who's passion in life was volley ball. She had to have a major operation on her spine because the extra weight on it was making it curve more and more. Then she had to go through intensive physiotherapy but dammit if she wasn't back out there on the volleyball court as soon as she could be. This program made me realise persistence is the key to getting what you really want. Why not keep trying different avenues?

ColdRedRain

1) I have been on antidepressants. Apparently, that's a bad thing. I can't tell if it's just prejudice or what, but anybody who has been on these things for the last five years isn't eligible. Eh?

It's because soldiers would go off on rampages during camp. I tried registering for the Navy too, but I too got turned down. They also said it was because of the fact that I was on anti-depressants. I can see why. I have a hard time not going on those depressive, suicidal rampages with my pills and in a nice warm house in a city with lots of other people. Imagine if you were on an isolated boat with only a few people and something goes wrong. You'd shoot your commanding officer (Ala Full Metal Jacket.)

heathen

I would go buy a 12 pack and party the night away. There are plenty of other things to do with your life . That's the way sailors releave their tension . ohhhhhhhhh and go get ya a skanky ho bwahahahahaha

l3gi0n

stop taking the anti depressants, i think as long as you have been off of them for 6 moths, then its ok, also use the Atkins diet,, it will take 2 -3 weeks to lose that 18 lbs.. i did it and lost 25 lbs in 21 days.., also work out.& go running, go for two miles in 20 minutes... you have to increases your speed, i think the navy requires you to run two miles in 16.

Of course if you need, really need the anti-depressants,, don?t stop taking them.

Mulan

One of our sons tried to join the Navy when he was 22. He didn't pass the physical due to a flare up of psoriasis. We were devout JW's at the time, so greatly relieved. He was pissed.

I recently got my father's Navy records (he qualifies for many benefits but I had to have his records to get them) and it shows that he has flat feet, but it doesn't prevent you from working on a ship I guess.

Snapdragon

Hey Czar, ever thought of moving out here to Wisconsin? With all these people getting bariatric surgery, we're losing too much weight. We need a few good, tubby depressed people! And we're a lot more fun than the navy. Do you like lutefisk?

So what's the plan now, since you aren't allowed on the boats?

~A