Are you tired of Religions that make promises but never deliver?
Shouldn't you learn about the TRUE God?
Isn't a true religion the only worthy religion?
Do you have doubts about your religion?
Are you confident in your religion?
Have you grown wary with being humiliated in front of your more affluent neighbors passing you the collection plate?
Have you always wanted to feel smart but didn't have enough intelligence?
Do you like judging others?
Have you always liked or wanted to use archaic cliches like "Food for thought?"
Would you like the ability to talk down to people that are not prepared for your twisted logic?
Are you enthusiastic about God's Firey Judgements but are put off by the idea of Hell becasue you might not make it?
Do you need an excuse to drop out of school?
Do you need an excuse to not go to college because you are a 2.1 GPA student with a 610 SAT score?
Are you terribly unattractive and need lots of help making friends?
Are you more comfortable in the company of "losers?"
Do you like bothering people and then judging them in response to being told to "Go away" to feel better about yourself?
Would you feel inspired by giving a significant portion of your pathetic income to God's only Organization?
Have you always had low self esteem and want to be put to good use?
Would you like to speak in front of a group but have never been confident that you had an audience of low enough intelligence?
Would you like to live forever on a paradise earth from a neolithic technological age where you dont eat meat and live under a quasi-radical Islamic law?
Would you like to stand around for all eternity outside the presense of God, holding a basket of apples, with a ridiculous grin on your face, while people are seen next to you wearing white bitton down shirts from the 1980s, who were putting up the finishing touches on a modern looking house that has no plumbing or electricty yet for some reason needed a chiminey presumably since you wont have a stove, as you pose for a Watchtower artist that doesnt have the slightest sense of nostalgia or inspiration beyond the most generic depiction of COMPLETELY unconrtoverisial jovialism?
GOD HAS PLAN FOR YOU! YOU TOO CAN HAVE A PART IN GOD'S KINGDOM WORK!
When you join the World Wide Association of Jehovah's Christian Witnesses you will quickly become smarter and more knowledgable than anyone you have ever met! You will be shown scriptures in God's holy Bible that will astound you and make you the most brilliant theologian of all time. All this will come with the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society's supplimental literature that has been divinely directed in an unispired way by GOD himself through his son Christ Jesus who is not God but our King that died on a pole not a cross!
You will have the power of God over Satan himself along with all his demons! Just one of the many wonderful uses for the Supercalifragelistic name "JEHOVAH!"
You will become the envy of the World as you stand out and shine with the Righteousness of Christ Jesus. You will become a member of one the most complimented group in the world known universally for its civilized behavior, clean living and strong moral character.
Because of this most of the World will universally hate you. And that is how you will know that it is for real! The agents of satan that stand against you testify to the validity of your new faith!
Now I know you are thinking "ya sure I have heard this sort of thing before" But what have you to lose!? Just give it a try and if your friends and family resist you will have all the proof you need!! You won't be disappointed. You will be criticized harshly for your decision! We guarantee it. People will tell slanderous lies concerning "the Truth" and the organization that provides it. You will know them as agents doing the bidding of Satan and that you are a servant of God and that with God on your side who can stand against you?
Start a free home Bible Study today and learn about the exciting future that awaits you!
