need to vent!!

by prgirl79 5 Replies latest social relationships

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  prgirl79

  Hi Everyone,

  So my ex emails me asking how i am doing and that he wrote to me a month ago he is not sure if i received it. He sent it to two email addresses he must know I received it!!! He has been emailing me asking me how i am since our break up. I haven't responded for what. Basically he was raised JW i was not

  I feel like whatever you didn't give a damn before now you care how I am. Get the hint I don't call you I haven't come back. I don't ask how you are. He wants me to miss him so I go back to him on what his terms he is a selfish self centered a**hole. He said that he thought I was coming back. Shows me how appreciated I was. There was no compromise nothing to work on. Basically he would never be there for weddings, funerals, holidays birthdays. It feels so liberating when you don't deal with someone elses crap. He acts like what he is offering isn't bad so i should just accept it. No matter what he knows the real deal. He said i would resent him, leave him and feel free. Well there you go he was right. Acting like he was torn with the JW stuff he didn't move on before he met me while he was with me and still hasn't, and he knew he didn't want to move on. Yet I was the only one there for him. The one that cared not like those people who disfellowshipped him 7 years ago. He really needs a lot of help!!
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  4JWY

  prgirl79 ~

  I am pleased to see that you have moved on.....you will be better off for it and find happiness elsewhere.
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  Cicatrix

  Hi Prgirl,
  Sorry to hear your ex is giving you such a hard time right now. Just remember-the great thing about email is you can delete it without reading it;)
  
  This kind of behavior is typical when a relationship that has control issues is broken off.And if there is no room for compromise in a relationship, there are major control issues. It's good that you are aware what the future would bring if you were to remain involved with this guy.Keep these things firmly in mind, as he may continue this behavior for awhile, thinking he can wear you down.Imagine what life would be like if you were married to him-in the JW faith, marriage makes him your "husbandly owner"!There is NO such thing as compromise for a wife married to a JW, in his eyes, and the eyes of his religious community (although they give lip service to it, it just doesn't happen).
  
  It doesn't matter that he thinks what he's offering isn't so bad, what matters is whether or not you can spend the rest of your life with what he has to offer. It sounds like holidays, weddings, birthdays, and other special occasions are important to you.You deserve a guy who will be there to celebrate holidays, weddings, birthdays, and other special occasions with you, not just one who will begrudgingly "put up" with your "worldly ways," who will always be working to "bring you into the truth".You deserve a guy who won't belittle you for needing these things in your life, who loves you as you are, not as he wants you to be.
  
  As far as his life goes, you're not responsible for that-he is. If he needs help to deal with his issues, it should be someone who is trained to help him with them, not you.Sadly, though, JWs are conditioned to mistrust everyone who is "worldly," and they are supposed to view anyone who disagrees with the theocratical view of the world as being from "Satan." This is a situation you really don't want to deal with!Just take a look at some posts here from people who are married to JWs to find out how hard it is to deal with on a day to day basis.
  
  Take heart, though. There are lots of guys out there who have life goals that are similar to what you're looking for. Give yourself some time to heal, then try again to find someone.
  
  
  Regards,
  Cicatrix
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  prgirl79

  Cicatrix,

  Thanks for your response. I was with him 5 years so i really know what jw's are about. I didn't know in the beginning and thought since he was disfellowshipped then we could work it out. He would comment on certain things theyw ould do yet hold on to not participating in things that were important to me. My friend of 8 years is getting married he would not enter the church. I couldn't imagine someone i care about passing away and he wouldn't go inside the church. i was tired of him controlling me my relationship was on his terms with no way to compromise. I am angry that he thought i was coming back and now he cares how i am like he cared when he never went anywhere with me. he acts like he doesn't understand but he is the one who would say i would leave him, i would resent him and feel free he is right.
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  Flash

  You should mail this back to him.

  I feel like whatever you didn't give a damn before now you care how I am. Get the hint I don't call you I haven't come back. I don't ask how you are. He wants me to miss him so I go back to him on what his terms he is a selfish self centered a**hole. He said that he thought I was coming back. Shows me how appreciated I was. There was no compromise nothing to work on. Basically he would never be there for weddings, funerals, holidays birthdays. It feels so liberating when you don't deal with someone elses crap. He acts like what he is offering isn't bad so i should just accept it. No matter what he knows the real deal. He said i would resent him, leave him and feel free. Well there you go he was right. Acting like he was torn with the JW stuff he didn't move on before he met me while he was with me and still hasn't, and he knew he didn't want to move on. Yet I was the only one there for him. The one that cared not like those people who disfellowshipped him 7 years ago. He really needs a lot of help!!

  Make the changes so it reads right. Then forget him.
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  Nosferatu

  Hello again. I'm glad to hear that you're cutting off contact with you. Continue ignoring his emails. He can't continue to pester you if you don't respond. Keep quiet and he'll go away. Better yet, change your email address.

  Or, treat it as "Email Joke of the Day". Watch his emails get more desperate, you'll get a good laugh. Let us know when you recieve "Please (your name), respond to me! I'm truly concerned about you. Has something happened? Please let me know you're allright".