I am divorced brother with two boys who dont live with me. Alot of sisters in the truth are interested in me but I am not really attracted to them and most bring drama. Most if not all sisters bring so much pressure that they make dating feel like I am living in a pressure cooker. I want my new dating experience to be fun and exciting, not like being under a rock where there is pressure to marry a sister just becasue I'm dating her. I need someone to come and rock my world in such a fashion that I can't wait to see and talk with her each day. Does this still happen or am I too old now. I'm a handsome brother with alot to offer but all I seem to attract are drama mamma's. Any help here?
Why Is Dating Such a Chore?
by greenwithenvy 5 Replies latest social relationships
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Nosferatu
Okay, first of all, you're not too old, you're only 33! Women are attracted to older guys because they have their shit together. Here is your problem:
Alot of sisters in the truth are interested in me but I am not really attracted to them and most bring drama.
The problem you have is that you've enclosed yourself into an incredibly small group. You have to broaden your limits. Try joining a club that appeals to your interest. Take up dancing lessons, and you'll meet a lot of new people outside of your limits.
Here's another problem:
I want my new dating experience to be fun and exciting, not like being under a rock where there is pressure to marry a sister just becasue I'm dating her.
You have been TOLD that you should be dating, in order to find a marriage mate. This is a good way to do it, but you have too many eyes looking upon you, judging you if you don't marry her. Dating is basically a routine to find out what you do and don't like about women. Build experience of what kind of traits you want in a woman, and the traits you don't want.
Also, a marriage should NOT be based on one's religion. It doesn't make things better if she's the same faith as you. When you boil a relationship down to the daily essentials, you need to look at her cleanliness, her social life (you mentioned drama queens), her basic attitude towards life, a woman who wants the same things as you do regarding family, a woman who isn't addicted to spending money, etc. Religion should be viewed as more of a hobby.
Many people in the "truth" end up married between 18 and 20. The reason for this is their hormones are going crazy, and they need to be relieved. The quick fix is marriage. The first available woman that comes along is able to relieve this pressure. But when you look at these couples, ask yourself if they truly walking on the same path with regards to normal daily living. That is what will make a marriage last. If you base everything on the faith you've chosen, then ANY girl qualifies, since all paths in the same religion are blandly the same.
Hopefully this helps.
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franklin J
Hey Green,
Maybe the problem you are having is that you are looking in the wrong place. If you are no longer a JW; look to date on the OUTSIDE of that faith. If you are a JW then you must follow their rules and ONLY date sisters. That is the problem.
Suggest you join a few clubs; play some tennis or golf in groups; join some local churches ( for social reasons only) to meet other singles whom you might have something in common with. The physical attraction will take off from there.
After I left the JW faith I dated for many years before settliing down at 30 years old with one who "rocked my world" as you stated. I had enough experience at this age to make comparisons with relationships. After 18 years of marriage ( with the ups and downs of any normal relationship- it was not always peaches and cream) we are still together and she still has the seductive ability to "rock my world".
Frank
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Stefanie
I need someone to come and rock my world in such a fashion that I can't wait to see and talk with her each day. Does this still happen or am I too old now.
Yes, that still happens, no you are not too old. You are likely not going to find that special someone at the hall. The sistas are too predicatble. You already know too much about them. Where is the mystery, the passion.
If when looking upon a woman you feel butterflies in your tummy, and feel an exciting kind of weakness in your knees,.....
Ohh who am i kidding I am the last person on this board to give relationship advice...
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Fed Up
Many people in the "truth" end up married between 18 and 20. The reason for this is their hormones are going crazy, and they need to be relieved. The quick fix is marriage. The first available woman that comes along is able to relieve this pressure. But when you look at these couples, ask yourself if they truly walking on the same path with regards to normal daily living. That is what will make a marriage last. If you base everything on the faith you've chosen, then ANY girl qualifies, since all paths in the same religion are blandly the same.
Thank you so much! This is EXACTLY how my husband explained to me how he ended up married to his first wife (the EX), because other than the JW religion, they had NOTHING in common! He got married at age 19, mistaking being "horney and desperate" for being in love!
Was dating a "chore" for him after they broke up? Well, no because you see, his ex was the QUEEN of all drama queens, and put him through so much HELL, that by the time they were divorced he was a full-blown alcoholic and was disfellowshipped! He wasn't capable of holding a DAY job that way, and lost pretty much everything---except his voice!
Do you know how many women the lead singer of the crappiest local rock bank in town attracts? Downside's waking up the next morning and seeing the reality of what you dragged home with you the night before!
You know you found the right one when being with them comes naturally! My husband and I were best friends within the first HOUR of meeting each other! We talked until we were exhausted, and STILL couldn't stop--so we kept talking until we both passed out! He was SO good looking, that the second I saw him I almost dropped to the floor! I didn't date him for a very long time and finally told him that as much as I liked him, I couldn't be in a relationship with a practicing alcoholic--so he signed himself into rehab the next day, and has been "clean and sober" going on 20 years now.
We've had to "agree to disagree" where religion is concerned, and even though he'll never go back to the JWs, it KILLS me that he somehow still thinks it's the "truth"!
However, my husband can not STAND witness women, and even if I DIED tomorrow, he has told me he would never even DATE another one--for the following reasons:
1. He can't stand dependent women who expect HIM to be the one to go out and work his ASS off to support THEIR desired lifestyle. His ex's idea of 50/50 was for him to make all the money, while she got to spend it--and nothing was ever enough!
2. He couldn't stand having his religious beliefs used against him--if he looked at another woman, his ex would make him feel like the lowest-life piece dirt--and would chide him like a small child how he was "doing wrong" in the eyes of Jehovah! However, SHE flirted outrageously with every man--especially the elders in their congregation, who she got to "help" her keep him in line!
And MOST important, ESPECIALLY from a MAN'S perspective!
3. There is no "subtle" way to say this, so I'm going to have to come right out with it... According to my husband, JW women refuse to perform "oral sex" on their husbands claiming it is "unnatural" and against the will of Jehovah!
Number 3 alone is enough of a reason for him!
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sinamongurl
my advice: stop looking and it will come
some say life is a circle.....when one door closes another opens
when really it is a spiral cuz life never goes in reverse.
hope im not babbling, just stop putting so much pressure on yourself, and it will happen
--sinamon