Letter from ELDER

open_mind

I thank all of you for your responses to my posting "I need your help"

This posting goes hand in hand with that one.

I recieved this e-mail from an elder today. It seems that his whole personality has changed over the weekend.

-Since you are going to reply to my last note... I thought that I would mention something:
I am saddened if you decide to leave the Christian Congregation. I think about you a lot. I never foresaw this situation arising... probably because I was distracted by this whole business mess. But.. the point that I am trying to get to is... you do not need to feel bad that this situation is troubling to me. I am already "dealing" better with it this week. You have to make your own decisions and I have to accept that.

I -of course- still would like to meet with you. But, again, if that is not what you want, I will -of course- accept that.
Also, always remember that if someday down the road you want to return, you are welcomed. It would make us all very happy. I know it means a better & happier life now -with inner peace-& eternal life in the future for you. You became "a sheep". You can always return (if you indeed decide to leave -which I hope you won't!).

I just wanted to share these thoughts with you.

Sincerely,
xxxxxxx

Any thoughts or advice would be very encouraging. I am curious if he is going to let me fade away. He is still awaiting my response to his last letter. I am trying to stall as some of you had advised me to do.

Thank you again

Amazing

Hi Open-Mind: I recall the earlier letter, and it seems that you wanted to meet with the Elders to have opportunity to get some rationale and information to them in the hopes that tsome of them might be positively affected. This was my goal as well when I agreed to meet with my Elders, but, they were too anxious to DA me, and so they never responded to my written agreement to meet with them.

It appears that this Elder has allowed for you to agree to meet with them. He just does not want to force a meeting. This is good. But, keep in mind that many eyars ago the Society stipulated to all Elders that they muist accept a DA Letter and not force it into a DFing. But, they can still meet with a person if that person is agreeable.

So, the ball is in your court. If you want this opportunity, then email or call him and agree to a meeting. If you don't want such a meeting, then call him and tell him its over. It is really your choice. My own preference would be to meet, because I wanted the opportunity to see thier faces as I got them into the WTS publications. But, since that time, the Society has all but directed the Elders to avoid in-depth Bible discussion with those suspected of Apostasy, or who have different ideas, and just simply secure a loyalty oath. So, you may find that as you try to make your points to the Elders, they may interrupt you, and pursue your loyalty or lack thereof. - Amazing

Dogpatch

Many of these guys live in a world of split personalities, a public and a private one. Not unlike the Steve Hassan model of "cult" personality and the real person hidden.

Address the person's real personality, and ignore the cult persona as much as possible. Try to bring them back to good times, emotional things, fun and laughter, REAL PEOPLE stuff. One-on-one, as the cult persona requires privacy to be vulnerable.

More...
http://www.freeminds.org/psych/psych.htm

Fredhall

Randy,

Like Steve Hassan doesn't have a split personality?

expatbrit

Open_mind:

Looks like you've been written off, mate.

Perhaps a non-commital reply to gain more time is in order, along the lines of "having some things to sort out first; will call you later" kinda thing.

Now start making alternative business arrangements, fast!

Expatbrit

esther

I would be suspicious at a change of mind. Whatever you do, don't let down your guard. Don't put anything in writing that could possibly be twisted. Remember, if there is a chance it could be taken to mean other than what you intend to say, it probably will be.
He said

I thought that I would mention something:I am saddened if you decide to leave the Christian Congregation. I think about you a lot. I never foresaw this situation arising... probably because I was distracted by this whole business mess

If you answer him, you can be too distracted by the business mess to think of anything else.
I agree with expatbrit

Perhaps a non-commital reply to gain more time is in order, along the lines of "having some things to sort out first; will call you later" kinda thing.
Now start making alternative business arrangements, fast!

I think that is good advice, if you can follow it. Don't admit to ANY doubts about the 'Christian Congregation'

esther

ofcmad

For God's sake, whatever you decide to do.. do not put it in writing. (this includes email!) It's amazing to see the "love" exuded by the elder, but when he get's together with his commrads, the individual thought process disappears as the mob-mentality takes over. Your questions will be like blood in the water. The sharks are beginning to circle!

Ofcmad

outnfree

Hi, open_mind,

I think Amazing has your previous post confused with jurs'.

It is such a shame that your study conductor has apparently slipped back into rigid JW mold. I know you wanted to believe it wouldn't quite happen like this, but it IS happening.

As I suggested before (without much explanation, perhaps a bit coldly -- sorry!), find a new job or business -- F - A - S - T !!!

And I think ExpatBrit previously mentioned an attorney if there were any JW contracts involved?

Being 'too busy' will only last so long -- it will depend entirely on how many others at the KH are asking this brother "where is open_mind lately? We've missed him!"

No face to face meetings, no correspondence other than "I'll get back to you" if you wish to fade.

But kiss the friendship with this brother good-bye.

Sad, isn't it?

outnfree

Francois

If I'd gotten a letter like that, I woulda laid low, kept a really, really low profile and left the ball in their court. If you hit the ball back, they're going to feel compelled to hit it back to you. Right now, you've go the ball. Keep it.

Franc

My $0.02

Prisca

open_mind,

He sounds like he still cares for you. You are under no obligation to meet with him, or even to reply to his email.

If you do write back, don't mention anything relating to the "troof". Talk about the weather, work, mutual friends, children, anything but your beliefs or non-beliefs.

Don't sweat over it, just let time go by, and most likely you will be allowed to fade into the background.

Letter from ELDER

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