One year tomorrow

by Tesha 9 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Tesha

  I have been disfellowshipped for one year tomorrow. I have been alone through out this time and completely lost. Recently I decided to look up JW sites on the Internet and found a moving story of a lady who had been through a similar experience to mine. I was shocked! For some bizarre reason, I thought I was alone and that nobody could possibly comprehend how I felt. I emailed her and she directed me towards this site. I have spent the entire day reading people's stories and posts. Thank you for sharing, it is enough to know that I am not alone.

  My story is a common and simple one. I was raised in an extremely strict JW household. My father is an elder and my mother a pioneer. My father is a very hard, controlling man who robbed us of any form of identity and self worth. The organisation sheltered and nurtured these tendencies, labeling it “the subjection arrangement”. I questioned the organisation my entire life, but as expected I was baptised at the young age of 17. Feeling completely suffocated and disillusioned at home, I moved interstate at the age of 19. Away from the mind games, the brain washing and the unrealistic expectations, I discovered that I had my own mind, opinions and soul. I finally realised that I was a good person and, that I didn't have to pummel my body and lead it as a slave everytime I sinned.

  The only escape I could see was through disfellowshipping, which unfortunately resulted in harming myself. I formed a physical relationship with a "brother" in the congregation. It ended badly when I woke up one day in extreme pain. I rushed myself to the hospital and found out that I was two months pregnant and had miscarried during the night. I was disfellowshipped two weeks later and haven't looked back since. The freedom is invigorating - my life is only just beginning.

  As the old cliche goes, everything comes with a price. For my freedom I have had to sacrifice my family. My father disowned me and forbid me to have contact with my two little brothers and little sister. My heart was broken. He has softened and I am now allowed to speak with them on the phone now. I worry about my brothers and sis .. Sometimes I feel like I have deserted them. My only hope is that they too find strength like myself to fight for their souls.

  I’m not sure if this has made sense. It’s the first time I have spoken about my past.

  Thanks for listening ..

  Tesha
  Australia
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  safe4kids

  (((Tesha))),

  I'm so glad that you had the courage to share yourself with us. And yes, you made a great deal of sense. Many of us who post here have felt the pain of losing family to the bORG and so can relate to your concerns about your siblings. You say that you feel like you've deserted them but I think that you've set an example for them to follow in their own journeys. It can be very difficult to be the first one in a family to step outside of the 'box' and you've done it.
  Please feel welcome to the board; stay and get to know us as we are looking forward to getting to know you.

  Dana

  "A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."
  Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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  Seeker

  Welcome to the JWD family, Tesha! We're glad to have you. As you've noticed, many of us undestand what you've been through and can relate, lend a empathetic ear, or a shoulder to cry on when needed.

  You most certainly are not alone.
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  slipnslidemaster

  Welcome to the board. I'm glad you found us.

  Again, you are NOT alone anymore.

  Slipnslidemaster: "While we are postponing, life speeds by."
  - Seneca
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  slipnslidemaster

  Sorry...almost forgot. Congradulations on the one year!!! Woo hoo!!

  Slipnslidemaster: "While we are postponing, life speeds by."
  - Seneca
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  Prisca

  Tesha

  I'm sorry I missed this thread. I grew up as a Witness too so I can relate to what you said.

  If you are anywhere near the Sydney region, and aren't doing anything much at the end of this month (July), wanna email me?

  Thanks, and welcome to the DB.
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  think41self

  Tesha,

  Thank you so much sweetie for sharing your story! I am so glad you had the brains and the guts to get out at a young age. When I read how you felt about "abandoning" your siblings, my heart went out to you. Of course you have not abandoned them...you have no control over their lives right now, just as YOU had no control over your own at a younger age. But Safe is right: You HAVE set an example for them...and since you can now stay in touch by phone, you never know if you will be able to help them get out when they are old enough.

  I am SO sorry about your miscarriage! What a terrible loss for you to suffer, and to have to go through under those circumstances. You sound like a really strong person, and that you have kept your positive attitude intact...so I know you will do well in whatever direction your life takes now. Thanks again for sharing,

  Tracy
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  spinner

  Dear Tesha,

  I think something that will help you feel much better about yourself, is Ezekiel 9:3, where it says,there was a man that was clothed with linen at whose hips there was a secretary's inkhorn.
  And Jehovah went on to say to him,"Pass through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and you must put a mark on the
  foreheads of the men that are sighing and groaning over all the detestable things that are being done in the midst of it. (5) And to others, he said, "Pass through the city after him and strike...But to any man upon whom there is the mark do not go near..."

  The organization today that bears Jehovah's name,is no different than Jersalem, it must be clean. There are thousands that are sighing and groaning over the detestable things that are being done in the name of Jehovah. It has become a lurking place for demons. I KNOW God's Kingdom is not going to be run by the Governing Body Of Jehovah's Witnesses. It must be turned over to our King, Jesus Christ, and a mighty struggle is now being fought by the org. to maintain their control, any way they can. I believe anyone IN the org. who does not see the errors and who does not eventually flee, will perish.

  Do not look down upon yourself. In the WTO, I was made to feel wicked, because I couldn't fit in and agree and be a slave as all the others who never thought for themselves. It is real easy in that situation to do something you'll regret later.As a person who was sighing and groaning over the slavery in the WTO, you had a mighty struggle. Be steadfast, and continue to seek the REAL TRUTH, and you will be able to help save your loved ones .. much love spinner
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  Billygoat

  Tesha,

  Welcome aboard sweetie! You're story hits too close to mine too! I miss my little brothers like crazy - I know you understand. I just pray that at some point they wisen up and see the Truth as well. I have Faith that God will take care of them since they don't know any better.

  Keep posting! You'll find healing and unconditional love on this board! (Amidst chaos and the occasional weird comment. But you'll learn to love all of us in a special way!)

  God bless you,

  Billygoat
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  Steve Josef

  A BELATED CONGRATS ARE IN ORDER!!!!!!