Hi Missy,
Saw your response on page 9 of Waiting's Hello thread. Thought I'd make my answer to your question easier to find.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=4065&page=9&site=3
Well, as far as going somewhere else, this would be difficult as the timing of these meetings coincides with dinner preparation. But I am considering changing our dinner schedule that night to include pizza brought home by me and the kids after the study time is over. :)
Good idea. I know what you mean about dinner preparation, I get home around 6pm and it's time to get dinner on the table while keeping an eye on 2 kids. After the rush to get it to the table, it's not too long until the bedtime routine starts up. It's a hassle to have to leave the household, especially during the school year, but whatever helps you to keep your sanity.
I went to my mom's a few times, but usually my husband and the elder studying with him moved to a different room so I could watch TV, read, have dinner and let the kids have free access to the door so we could go out and play(and we did go play while he was inside), etc. Whatever minimized the disruption to the rest of the family. The kids and I would eat dinner as well during his study and he could retrieve the leftovers out of the fridge when he was done.
Michelle, how did you get through the marriage difference? Mine is about the same as yours, hubby is good in all other areas, but when it comes to the religious difference, it seems to engulf us and override into other areas. How did you manage to get through it? I find it hard sometimes, if I want to share anything that I learn at church or whatever, and usually the one that you want to share that with is your spouse. But when I do, I get laughed at,or argue, so we have stopped doing that. there is only so much laughing and arguing one can take.
I'm not sure. Persistance, I suppose. I kept in mind how radically my husband and I had changed (and continue to change) in some of our viewpoints. I stubbornly refuse(d) to believe that this religious difference would lay between us for the rest of our lives. I refused to give up on our relationship and let the WTS win, and this was a lot easier to do as he was not and is not a militant JW.
It wasn't one-sided. He has told me a little from his viewpoint. His mom is a JW and his dad is not, and he saw the difficulties their marriage suffered because of it, and vowed to do what he could to prevent a repeat performance. I believe that he did what he could to help our relationship.
However, I was pretty depressed and had a lot of resentment at the time and I knew that I had to address it or it would consume me. My brain would tell me that I cannot control anyone else's behavior except mine and that I needed to work on me first before I could work on repairing my marriage. Easy to think of hard to execute.
I pretty much left my husband alone regarding religion, not too difficult as he would completely avoid and ignore the topic. I conducted my own religious research, I found a few good online friends to write to, concentrated on being a better mother (the emotional rollercoaster I was on occasionally spilled over onto them, and they deserve better than that), and I focused attention to the other areas of my marriage. Out of the blue one day my husband started to read my copy of Crisis of Conscience. It took a painfully long time to get through it, but it confirmed some nagging things in his mind and it provided a lot of information especially in how the Org's leaders run things.
It was/is not easy, I have experienced a lot of hurt, anger and sadness, it's mostly faded now, although I have to squash the occasional urge to say "I told you so."
I'm pretty sure I mentioned elsewhere that my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, her hubby and kids are JWs. We've yet to see how my husband's changing viewpoint regarding the WTS will be received. So far, it appears that everything is pretty much kosher, actually it seems like everyone is emphasizing lately just how "OK" with "things" they are. I hope for only the best, but I understand that the District Convention strongly emphasized loyalty to the Org over loyalty to family and some recent publications are underscoring that notion.
I have not put my story on the main board yet...
Looking forward to reading more of your posts.
That is the hardest part, he will not look at anything from the internet. If only he would.
No guarantee that would change anything. My husband did, and still was baptized. I even compiled a 12 page document of quotes cut and pasted directly from the WT 97 CD, where the Society said one thing and then reversed itself. It was nauseating stuff for me, but it didn't phase him at all.
Well, I ramble on. Just remember like you said you husband is a good man, you just disagree with his religious inclinations. (Not trying to minimalize anything, but for the good of the relationship you have to focus on the positive as well.)
Hope this helps.
Take care,
Michelle
The most deadly of all sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit. -Erik H. Erikson