left out again

the mole

my family had a gettogether this weekend and my and my father were not invited...my dad was so upset..i advised my dad to let it go...my sister was invited but she is another clone...my dad has finally seen the errors but the fellowship with his own kin struck deep into his soul...he is 64 now and wants to be close to his own brothers and sisters and i didnt know how to really counsel dad or talk to him..we went out to dinner but over and over he spoke his frustration of not being invited.....any suggestion for any of you current break aways to help my dad?

RR

That's a tough one, especially at his age. It's not enough to say "forget 'em". I walked away and never looked backed. I have family that don't speak to me, nieces and nephews I haven't seen since they were in diapers.

Not sure ... you know everyone reacts differently to situations.

RR

Bubbamar

I feel your pain mole. I'm in the same boat with my mom. I haven't heard from her in 7 years. I'm in the process of writing her a letter (2 month process) - so we'll see how it goes. I don't have any advice - just empathy.

Country Girl

This is such a tragic, irreconcilable scene. It is very inhumane for people to disavow the very people whose blood flows through their own veins, and subject them to this treatment.

I remember one time I told my JW mom that I couldn't talk to her anymore because I believed in Christ and he said for me not to be part of this old world, especially false religion, and that I couldn't talk to her. She was very upset and said she was sorry I felt that way but that Christ wouldn't have treated his followers like that. I have one thing to say to that:

??

yet I know what she would do if I had been baptized,. and then thrown out, she wouldn't talk to me if her life depended on it.

I'm sorry that it has come to this for your Father.. but he understands I am sure. Just keep doing things for him, and keep letting him know that you love him no matter what... and that may help a bit. Nothing can really help when shunning is going on.. but at least the love of another relative can ease it a bit.

I will be thinking of you.

Country Girl

Scully

It certainly goes to show just how superficial and conditional relationships are within the JWs.

While it hurts like hell that I have family members who want nothing to do with me, I also have to remember that (a) they are under the influence of the cult (forgive them, they know not what they do); and (b) I do not need superficial, conditional relationships in my life, nor do my children need those kinds of relationships.

When my family decided to confront me a few months ago about why I "stopped serving Jehovah", my basic reply to them was "after eight years, you want an explanation? What took you so long?? What kind of shepherd goes out looking for a lost sheep EIGHT effing years after it goes missing???"

They said "Well we were waiting for you to tell us," and I replied, "Since when is it the job of the sheep to go looking for the shepherds??"

They blew it. How can they *dare* to stand before Jehovah's throne and say they did everything they could to keep me In The Truth??? Their basic attitude has been "if you get off of Jehovah's chariot, don't expect us to help you get back on." How can they say they "have love among themselves" when they won't lift a finger to help a sick, injured sheep??

Blast them all to hell. Who needs those kinds of Friends? anyway?

Love, Scully

Maverick

I feel for you mole.

I had a similar experience this summer.

These people a real screwed up. Mav

outoftheorg

Hi Mole.

I am a few years older than your dad. When the shunning began for me, I was 56.

What I needed most, was friends. People who I could associate with. I was shunned by my siblings and some of my children.

When children get older, the parents see less of them even if things are ok between them.

So this leaves your dad with fewer and maybe no friends or only one or two relatives who will speak to him.

Am I close to correct here?

The relatives do not want to be overwhelmed by constant visits from your dad and the constant discussions about the wbts and the hurt he received.

Depending on your dads personality and the damage from the cult, making new friends may be difficult. I am not painting a pretty picture here, am I? It is almost the same picture I had in my life at that time.

I needed friends. So I sought them. I went to dances and made several lady friends. Hint.

I made some male friends and found some ok for coffee in the cafe and a few became very good friends.

It is friendship we all need. Acceptance by people and associating with people.

Put your mind to it and there should be different groups he can join. He probably won't want to at first.

Sudden loss of ones identity is a difficult time. He has lost enough, that he is no longer the man he used to know.

What he really needs is, love and caring from others, acceptance and greetings from others, and he needs something to stay somewhat busy with.

Best wishes to your father and you and family.

Outoftheorg

peacefulpete

Our family (or what's left of it) is being torn apart as I type this. It seems most important for my wife and I to remind each other that they are blinded and know no better. Don't let resentment or bitterness settle in your heart. The loss you feel they feel too and so they are victims of this controling cult as much as you. Secondly I recently have had to remind myself that expecting fair or just treatment from a cult is just silly. Their rules, even if followed, are designed to isolate dissentors and repress them with little regard for truth or emotion.

There's even a proverb that says that "insight of a man slows his anger". Knowing why they are thinking the the twisted thoughts they do is valuable for dealing with it.

wheres caleb?

Scully,

That was powerful, thanks for sharing.

shamus

This just shows how destructive this group of people are.

I don't think that you would have enjoyed they're 'assosiation' anyways. I know it sounds hollow, but it's probably true. The looks, the remarks.... you're probably happier and better off not even going. Whatever the case, it isn't good.

left out again

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