my experience

by jonjonsimons 7 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jonjonsimons
    jonjonsimons

    Hello. This is my first post to this board so please be gentle with me. HA! I wanted to tell my story, which in itself is not all that different than others I have read here, but here goes. Myself and my 5 brothers and sisters were all born into the "truth", our parents having both been baptized about two years prior to my oldest sisters birth. By the time I was in my teens, my family was considered the "shining example" of what a Witness family should be. My father was a highly respected Elder and my mother was a special and then a regular pioneer from the time that all of the children were very young. We were always the family you would see on stage at the conventions being paraded around and told how wonderful we were. I absolutely hated it!!! All I could think of afterwards was that they would not have used us as such a great example if they had just lived in our home for just one day. Things started to come to a head in 1977 when my father decided that he wanted another child. My mother, having suffered a miscarriage a short time before this refused to even discuss it. Believe it or not (but I'm sure you will) my father forced my mother to go with him to see the elders where he informed them that his wife was not subitting to his God given authority. And of course, the Elders being a group of Neanderthals took his side in the matter and informed my mother that she could face disciplinary action if she did not follow her husbands lead in this and all other matters. My mother did as she was told and against her doctors advise became pregnant. Her doctor was so upset at her and my father that even though he has delivered her last four children, he dropped her as a patient and refused to treat her. The doctor told her that he was not going to standby and watch her kill herself just to have another child. Of course my father said that the doctor didn't know what he was talking about and that he was sure everything would be fine since he had prayed to Jehovah (I hate even typing that word) and was certain that HE would take care of everything. Well needless to say since we don't live in a fairy tale world, things did not quite work out the way my father had promised. My angel mother passed away due to complications with her pregnancy in August of 78 at the ripe old age of 36 leaving one stunned husband and six devestated children behind. At my mothers funeral I could not get over the fact that the bros and sisters kept saying that J (sorry but I've typed it once and don't care to again) must have had a plan and that everything would work out in the end. These were grown men and women making assinine statements that I as a 13 year old kid new was total crap. After my mothers passing it seems as if the whole congregation went mental. Several persons that my mother had studied with and brought into the "truth" were suddenly being disfellowshipped right and left. Suddenly I wasn't allowed to even speak to people who had been like aunts and uncles to me. My father went off the deep end emotionally which wasn't surprising since all of his children were convinced he had killed our mother just as if he had picked up a gun and blown her away. He couldn't deal with us at all so he brought our 60 year old grandmother to watch us while he stayed away from home as much as possible. My grandmother tried her best but no 60 year old woman should be asked to take care of six kids between the ages of 5 and 15. To make a long story short my father decided that what he needed was a new wife to help him care for his "wayward" children. So 10 months after my mother passed we suddenly had a new stepmother. I have always wondered and have remarked to her in the past that she was either the bravest person I had ever met or the most stupid. Anyway, that was just the begining of the newest drama that was brewing. Can you tell where this is going? You guessed it. My stepmother became pregnant on her honeymoon. Less than one year after my mothers death, my father had finally managed to have another child. My older sister and I went ballistic! And this time we were not the only ones who were fit to be tied. I thought a couple of my mothers friends were going to kill my father. It got so bad that about 2 years and yes another child later, my father decided that our family needed a "fresh start" so he moved us away from everyone we knew into a congregation where he could once again be the big cheese and have his ever growing ego stroked again. That's where the trouble really started. I had by the age of 16 decided that I was not going to be baptized as I had no desire what so ever to be a JW. I told my father how I felt and he proceded to punch me in the face. I decided that the best thing for me to do was to leave before things became more violent but my father would not let me out the door and when I continued to try he made two telephone calls. One to the local travelling elder brigade and one to the cops. He figured if one couldn't stop me then the other probably would. He was wrong on both counts. I may not have left that night but as far as I was (and still am) concerned our relationship was over. I may have had to stay there physically but they couldn't force me to be there mentally. About this same time my stepmother figured out that I was smoking. Well you know the drill, I was called before a commitee and was told I had one week to quit or I would be DA'd. Remember I never took the dunk so when they threatend me it really ticked me off. I had been holding on to a secrect that I had never shared with anyone but I figured now was the time to spill the beans. If they were going to kick me out and shun me over cigarettes I figured it was only fair that I give them a really good reason. With my father sitting in the room I advised the commitee that I would not quit smoking and reminded them that since I had never committed myself to being a JW that they had no right or power to do anything to me at all. Well that got thier collective attention. Then I looked one of the elders right in the eye and advised them that if they were going to DA me then they might as well know the entire truth. I advised the commitee that I was a sexually active homosexual and had been for over a year. I also informed them that I was in a relationship (well as much as a 16 year old can be) with a man 15 years my senior and that not only was I not about to change, I had absolutely no desire to. Well you would of thought that Satan himself had just entered the room taken a giant dump in the middle of the floor. My father literally turned green. I thought for sure he was going to have a heart attack on the spot. Well that did it as far as the elders and my father were concerned. I was DA'd on the spot and my father told me to get my stuff and get out. I did and I haven't looked back since. I moved out on my own and to my suprise I learned that the world was not full of evil nasty people who couldn't wait to cause me trouble. In fact the only ones who caused me any major trouble in my life were the JW's. I had no contact with anyone in my family except for my older sister for six years. Then the WBTS suddenly had some "new light" and decided that it wasn't fair of them to DA someone who had never wanted to be a JW to begin with. That was mighty white of them. Suddenly my father was free to contact me. I decided that since he had made the first move I would at least hear what he had to say. At that point I was still smoking and most definitely still gay and it didn't take me long to realize that my father was only hoping to bring me back into the fold. I even went to the KH with him during a moment of lunacy and it took about 5 minutes for me to remember why I had left in the first place. I spent the rest of the meeting sitting in my car in the parking lot smoking where I had a nice conversation (that's gay speak for car sex) with a nice Ministarial Servant, I kid you not. Since that day 10 years ago I've spoken to my father twice, the last time being 8 years ago, and that's the way I like it. What I think is really funny is that I am the only one of my brothers and sisters that's managed to have a pretty fantastic life. I have a good job that makes me decent money, a nice home, and best of all a great partner who has stood my side come hell or high water for the last 8 years. All this while my oldest sister has been Df'd for years and is now on husband number 4. One of my younger sisters has been DF'd 3 times and is now on husband number 3 and my youngest brother spent time in prison for breaking and entering. And yet I'm still considered the black sheep of my family. Only in JW land is that even remotely logical. Well there you have it. Sorry to have rambled but once I got started I just couldn't stop until the whole story was out in the open.
    LOL jjs

    Opinions are like a**holes. We've all got one and most of them stink.

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    WOW!

    Thanks for sharing your story. It was a very interesting read and one that I'm sure many can relate to. I'm sorry that you went through such a tough childhood. I lost my mum too, when I was 11, from cancer. And I've got a step-mother too, though yours sounds ok.

    I hope you stick around. There are other gays here, JWinSF, and joelbear, just to name a few. But it doesn't matter to me what your preference is, you sound like you've gone through the same battles as most of us.

    Welcome to the DB!

  • jonjonsimons
    jonjonsimons

    Prisca,
    Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it, and I plan on sticking around. I didn't think that posting my story would make me feel one way or the other, but it turned out to be quite cathartic.
    jjs

  • LDH
    LDH

    JJS

    Hello and welcome friend. A word of advice. Copy and past your whole life story--other newbies will want to know about it and you don't want to have to type that all over!

    Your sexual orientation is something most of us don't give a damn about--it's your business.

    Welcome and thanks for sharing.

    Lisa

  • royboy
    royboy

    read you tale. You said it wasn't unlike many of us out here. I beg to differ. what a story!! It makes mine trivial in comparison. It makes me wonder how you can be normal at all. Christ can heal the broken-hearted.

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    JJS,

    Wow! Thanks so much for sharing! I'm so sorry that you've missed out on a normal childhood and a normal family - like the rest of us on this board. But I'm so glad to hear that your life is one of peace and blessings now. I am a firm believer that our lives are what WE make it. WHERE we came from is only one aspect of it. We have the freedom and choice to move on and become loving, accepting, and caring people. It does my heart good to know you've done that! You've got more support than you know - heterosexuality (sp?)is not a requirement for being loved by God or me!

    Godbless,
    Billygoat

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    Hello jonjon,

    Welcome and thank you for sharing your experience with us. Wow...what you've gone through and yet you seem so cheerful and happy. My hat is off to you, to suffer the losses that you have and not let it beat you into the dirt.
    I have found a great deal of support here as well as some very special friends...stick around and I think you will find this is true for you as well

    Dana

    "A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."
    Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  • Francois
    Francois

    Great and well-done writing JJS. And you know what's so sad about your story is that it isn't all that unique in Dub-Dum. Not that it isn't horrible, 'cause it is. But I'd be willing to bet there is at least one, at the very least, one horrible story like that in every kingdom hall in the world. Every one.

    I have a horrible story. And I note that a couple of the responders here have horrible stories. Seems all God's chillun got horrible stories.

    What's the point? Well, it kinda gives the lie to the JW claims about how they are better husbands, wifes, friends, etc., etc. and how happy everyone is.

    JW stories are just like that white stuff in chicken shit. You know what that white stuff in chicken shit is? MORE chicken shit, that's what it is.

    Franc.

    Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.

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